Incomplete
by Yanayamel
Summary: *update* 2017/11/09 *Please R/R* This is post P/Jo breakup and starts at Season 6 Episode 1 but it's AU obviously. After Joey had a terrible accident, Pacey learned that most things are not what they'd appeared to be and maybe some things could be worth changing ones life for them. *Please check Author's Notes for further information*
1. Prequel

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything Dawson's Creek related, except for the original storyline and Grace, she's mine :-)

AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's a post P/Jo breakup story. It starts during season 6 part 1, so it's approx. 2003. All in all the story takes the original storyline as the given past, with a few exceptions. So Joey was Pacey's first girlfriend (no Miss Jacobs, no Andie), the whole Dawson-related problematic took place, right until their summer on True Love. But the most important difference is, that Pacey _didn't came back for graduation,_ he just took off from his fishing trip with Doug. More information will come as the story goes on.

 _Hi again guy's,_

 _this has been quicker than anticipated. This is the story that hunted me down for quite some time now. I don't know yet the twists and changes. I just hope you'll like it._

 _Please, please review, you know by now I need your feedback, so please take a minute of your time and leave me a comment._

 _Yana_

 **Incomplete**

 _\- Prequel -_

Joey, Jack and Jen had celebrated Joey's twentieths birthday in Hell's Kitchen. And even though it had been nice to sit with her friends, she seemed a little distracted. Every now and than, when she thought no one paid attention, she would look over her shoulder towards the entrance.

'I guess, we'll be going now - you're coming Jo?' Jack asked as it grew later, but Joey just shook her head.

Jen patted her shoulder as she went by. 'It's kind of cute, Joey, but he'll not come anymore.'

Joey wagged her head and Jen kissed her hair.

'You're sure you'll come home alone? I could just sit here with you and wait, so you don't have to walk the nightly streets all alone.' Jen offered.

Joey nodded and smiled a sad smile. 'I'll be okay, Jen. If I'll feel all insecure, I'll just call a cap.' She gave her friend a reassuring nod. 'See you later.'

'Later than.' She squeezed Joey's shoulder friendly and linked her arm with Jacks, while they left Hell's Kitchen.

Joey remained. And the sadness grew with every passing minute. She nibbed on her drink, but her eyes would find their way towards the entrance again and again. Until finally Eddie stood beside her.

'He won't come tonight, Jo.' Joey nodded, as Eddie began to clean up the table.

'He promised, Eddie.' She shrugged.

'I know he did, but really, he won't come. Wouldn't be the first time.'

Joey nodded. 'Yeah, you're probably right.' She grabbed her pocket but he just held his hand up.

'It's on me.' He smiled at her warmly. 'Happy birthday, Joey.'

'Thanks, Eddie.' She returned the smile as good as she could manage. 'I'm off then. See you tomorrow.'

She left Hell's Kitchen and stepped onto the street. As she was halfway across it, a cap stopped in front of the bar and Dawson got out of it. He leaned over the car, his arms crossed on it's roof.

He called out to her. 'Joey!' She turned and her whole face lits up as she saw him. She waved and stopped in her movement. As suddenly she realized the horror on his face. Like in slow motion she saw him open his mouth. She heard him shout out her name again, but his voice reached her kind of blurred and as she was about to figure out what it meant, she suddenly felt something hit into her body, she felt herself falling and then everything went black.

* * *

about five month

It was a warm autumn evening, as Pacey ambled through Boston's streets, his arm casually around a beautiful blond woman's waist. And even though it seemed, as he charmed her, every now and than making a compliment, burying his nose in her hair, closing his eyes while sucking in her familiar scent, making a witty comment on what she told him, his thoughts were far off.

Pacey worked as stockbroker in her step-brothers firm and had been promoted to co-partner a little while back. And even though Pacey wasn't sure he wanted to work there for he rest of his life, he signed the contract. He had a huge income and was very successful in the market himself, with many shares of a very promising bio-tech stock.

'You aren't even listening, honey-bunny.' Audrey turned to look at Pacey with disappointment in her eyes. He smiled at her and wagged his head.

'I have been listening, babe.' And kissed her hair again.

'So.' She stopped, the look on her face hardened, she placed her hands in her hips and looked at him expectantly. 'If you've been, what is your position?'

'Is this really relevant now?' Pacey deadpanned and once more he wondered, why it was that he still was with her. He looked around and suddenly saw, that they'd reached their goal. Pacey smiled relieved, as he held open the door to the bat for her. 'Won't we just go in there and have a nice night, love?'

She clicked her tongue but finally she beamed at him. 'Well yes, we will.' With this she passed him by, with tip tapped steps in her four inch high heels. And as sexy as Pacey had found it in the past, at times he just got tiered of it. He'd met Audrey almost two years ago, during his cruise in the summer of 2001 and she almost instantly introduced him to her step-brother Rich Rinaldi. He employed Pacey in the blink of an eye and it works out, he was pretty good at stock marketing, even though he wanted to find himself a job in some restaurant. And now he was business partner. Oh, but it wasn't what he wanted for his life, even though his life had become so much easier in many ways. He owned a really expensive maisonette flat, he drove expensive cars and hadn't bothered about money in a very, very long time. But he also knew, that at some point he got to marry Audrey and quite honestly - it was the last thing he wanted.

As she now passed him by, he let out a small sigh of relief and looked around the streets, as if to find something there, but at length he entered Hell's Kitchen, too.

Audrey had wanted to attend the gig of the Hells Belled, a girl band and as Pacey had never been able to deny her any wish he'd agreed. They hadn't been there before, but as Pacey entered the bar was stuffed with people, he got the feeling that he could easily fall in love with this place. He felt immediately at home there and kind of remembered the guy he once used to be. It was in fact the first time, he felt like letting go of this businessman he'd become over the years. And suddenly he got the notion, that this evening promised to be a lot more fun, than all the evenings in the last six month had been. The music was hard, but he found himself smiling. Oh, he felt like finally breathing again, even if he hadn't noticed he had been feeling constricted.

He enjoyed not wearing a suit, but a shirt and jeans with sneakers, rather than his uncomfortable black business shoes. He danced his way to the bar, ordered drinks and was instantly back with Audrey. They sang along the band, they drank and danced and it was for the first time in a long time, Pacey saw the girl he'd became attracted to shining through all the layers of make-up and fancy mode. She laughed at him beautifully free and so he kissed her, maybe the first spontaneous, wholehearted kiss in a very, very long time.

While the band made a break, Audrey excused herself for the resting room and Pacey leaned against a pillar, watching some people still dancing to the music, some leaving, smiling to himself 'cause in that particular moment life felt right. As suddenly someone tapped on his shoulder.

'Pacey? Is this really you man?' A strangely familiar voice spoke up to him and the smile fell from his face. There stood Jack, his one time best friend. They hadn't seen each other since Pacey had left that summer. And even though, Pacey had often thought about driving down to good old Capeside, he always found an excuse. He was a busy businessman after all. He saw his parents for Christmas and Doug and Gretchen every now and than.

It was not, that he didn't knew his old group of friends reigned in Boston and one particular girl did also, but he also knew she belonged to another now. His parents had told him so and Doug did also, only Gretchen said otherwise, but she had always been the one seeing things differently.

Pacey had always taken care to not accidentally walking into one of them, and so standing in front of Jack now just turned his world upside down.

Jack looked at him, Pacey's now fully bearded face took the other man a moment to sort it out but than his eyes widened. 'Wow man, it really _is_ you!'

'Jackers!' Pacey tried his business smile, one that always worked and patted Jack on the shoulder. As suddenly Audrey reappeared he smiled in her direction, seemingly nervous. And he just didn't know what to say or do and so he just placed his arm around her waist. 'This is Audrey, she's my girlfriend. Audrey, please meet Jack, I grew up with him. We have been really close friends.''

Audrey raised her brow and nodded curtly. 'Pleasure meeting you Jack. If you'll excuse us now. The band is about to start again and we wanna listen to them.' With this she turned and Pacey shrugged excusatory.

'Sorry Jack.'

Jack gave him an unbelieving look and then nodded himself. 'Well, I didn't want to interrupt.' With this he was off and Pace just couldn't get rid of the strange feeling inside his guts as he turned to listen and dance, but the lightheartedness was gone.

As the gig was over, the crowd slowly disappeared.

'Okay now babe, I just grab our coats and then we're off. Called a cap already.' Pacey kissed Audrey's forehead and returned only minutes later with their coats. As the wholehearted gentleman that he he was, he helped Audrey put her jacket on, as suddenly Jack reappeared, with a blond girl by his side, obviously Jen, and Pacey closed his eyes for a second.

'Hey Pace.' Jen greeted him, her big blue eyes on him and he knew he wouldn't get out of this lightly. Oh, but he wished they'd just left two minutes earlier.

'Hey Jen.' He shifted from one foot to the other, seemingly uncomfortable. He sensed Audrey's impatience and so he took her hand. 'We were just about to leave.'

'Yeah I can see that.' Jen eyed Audrey allover and Pacey could tell from the look in Audrey's face she didn't liked how the other woman measured her and the look in Jen's eyes told quite openly, that she didn't liked what she saw either.

Jen swallowed hard and looked at Jack for support. 'Pacey, really, we have something very important to tell you.' Jack stated and Jen added: 'We looked for you everywhere.' Her voice had become low.

'Are you coming, honey-bunny? The cap's waiting.' Audrey pulled on his hand but he looked at Jack and Jen.

'It's really, really important and it quite honestly is most urgent. More than you can possibly imagine.' Jen looked into his eyes and pleaded with him. 'Can't promise you, that it will be over soon, but would you at least give us half an hour of your precious time so we can tell you?'

'I guess, I…' Pacey started, but in this moment Audrey stepped between him and Jen, placed her hands in her hips, much like she'd done earlier, and looked at Jen challenging.

'He said, he is about to leave with me, slut.' Audrey said in the sweetest voice. 'And it's not as if anyone is going to to die, now is it?' She smiled her sweetest smile at Jen and pulled on Pacey's hand, that was still joined with hers. But Jen just still had her eyes steadily on Pacey and not so much as flinched at the name Audrey called her and it made Pacey wonder, because Jen had never been one to hold back.

She just looked straight into Pacey's eyes and he saw a deep and serious sadness in her eyes, many unshed tears and his insides knotted all up.

'As the matter may be, there unfortunately is.' Jen said and Pacey could tell she fought the tears and suddenly he felt all dizzy. Jen swallowed again and licked her dry lips, never letting his eyes go. 'See, Pacey, if you're not interested it's fine by me. We managed to go on without you so far pretty good.' She pointed casually to the door. 'So go on, live your happy life Pacey and just don't care. Oh, and please Pacey, do me the favor and don't waste another thought about what we wanted to tell you, because obviously there are more important matters in your life!' With this she turned to Jack, whose arms were around her in an instant, as he led her away from them and Pacey watched them walk away. Audrey shot Pacey a sultry look and then kissed him on the cheek.

'So, now that this is all worked out, come on honey-bunny, the cap's waiting. I promise you the night of your life.' She waggled her brows and Pacey just nodded. He couldn't help the sick feeling in his stomach. But he led her outside nonetheless. He held open the cap's door for her and kissed her. 'Would you mind if I'd go back inside to listen to what my friends have to say?' Pacey asked her in a low voice, knowing that this would guarantee him her wrath, even if he'd come with her now.

'Your... friends?' She raised a brow and laughed a little sarcastic laugh. 'They can't be your friends, I don't know any of them and I'm with you for quite some time now.'

'But they once were and I...' He hesitated at the look she shot him. Pacey took a deep breath and wondered when he had become so controlled by her. 'I just have the feeling they wanted to tell me something really important.'

'Sure. Go ahead!' She stated and he let out a breath of relieve. But just as he was about to kiss her for thank you, her face turned to stone. 'But don't make the effort to call me tomorrow.' She got into the cap without another word and Pacey stood there, watching the car disappearing into the night. Looking down the street, even though he couldn't see it anymore, his cold hands deep in his pockets. After a long while he took a deep breath and turned to the entrance. There stood Jack. He had a terrible look in his face. 'I'm glad, you've decided to stay Pacey, I promise you won't regret it.'

'Sure thing, Jack.' Pacey nodded, but he just couldn't get rid of the feeling that maybe he would regret it sooner or later. Nonetheless he reentered with Jack the now almost empty room.

* * *

Five minutes later Jack, Jen and Pacey sat around a table. Eddie, the barkeeper, served them each something to drink and Pacey just couldn't get rid of the feeling, that he'd looked at him with a strange look in his eyes, as if he'd blame him for something he didn't knowingly do.

'Thanks Eddie.' Jen smiled at him and the guy kissed her on the cheek, then patted Jacks shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.

'Take all the time you need. I'll close afterwards.' Eddie said and than disappeared to clean up the bar.

There was a long, heavy silence. Jen and Jack exchanged long looks and finally Pacey's impatience became almost unbearable. 'So, what's this all about?' Pacey asked, leaning forward and looked from Jack to Jen and back to Jack. 'I just got myself in some serious trouble out there, so would one of you please tell me...'

'Oh come on, shut it up, Pacey!' Jack said with an expression of disgust and it almost made Pacey jump. Firstly because he just wasn't used to be one of the same anymore, but more so because gentle Jack had almost shouted at him. 'If that bitch is so very important, then why did you come back?' Jack's voice was low now, but the disappointment clearly to be heard.

'Well, I guess I...' Pacey swallowed and sensed the tenseness rising and he looked at Jen now. 'You weren't kidding before, Jen, were you?' Pacey suddenly felt all sick again.

'No Pacey!' She shook her head. 'No. Regretfully I wasn't.' Jen's got the most serious look on her face and Pacey thought he saw some tears in her eyes, she managed to blink away and he got the sudden notion, that there were more than a few unshed tears inside both his former friends.. 'Though I wish I had been. God!' Her voice became shaky and for a quick moment she covered her face with both hands and Jack laid his arm around her, but she remained silent. Pacey drank the scene in and just couldn't get rid of that feeling deep inside him. 'So, would someone please just tell me what the hell is going on here?'

'Joey, she… She's had a terrible accident...' Jen swallowed hard as Pacey starred at her. His head began to spin, there suddenly was no up and no down anymore, he felt like drowning. 'It has been right in front this bar… The driver flew… She lost lots and lots of blood...' She tried to remain calm, but as she met Paceys terrified eyes she just broke down. 'God, Jack I can't...' She stood and walked through the room towards the restrooms.

Pacey blinked several times. This couldn't be true, why hadn't anyone contacted him. But than again, nobody knew were he had been. His whole body seemed to scream for her, his first and only love. The one girl he'd always had with him. The one and only girl he'd wanted to come back to. The girl, which wasn't his anymore, because he'd pushed her so far off, she fled into some other guy's arms.

'Tell me, Jackers.' He felt his hands shaking and grabbed the table plate so hard his knuckles turned out white.

'Well, as she wouldn't stop bleeding, they did emergency surgery on her. There had been a severe damage to her main artery in her leg. Head damage also and most likely she'll never be walking again.' He swallowed. 'We had been sitting here only an hour before and celebrated her birthday. Jen was tired and so we left. Joey stayed alone, because she was waiting for Dawson to come.'

Pacey shook his head, held his hand up to stop Jack from saying anymore. He got up. 'Please, Jack, I don't wanna hear anything about Joey's and Dawson's happy life okay.'

Jack placed his hand on Paceys and tried to calm him down. 'Please Pacey, sit down again. There is no such thing as a happy life for her. Really. Her life has been the furthest away from happy as anyones ever since you'd left. But that is a story for another time.' Jack took a deep breath and Pacey's head began to spin once more, he didn't understand anything anymore. 'She waited for him, because he promised to at least see her for her birthday. He flew in straight from his Hollywood film-project. As it turned out, Dawson wanted to tell her, that he'd finally asked his girl to become his wife and he wanted her to be the first to know.'

Pacey's eyes widened and he wasn't entirely sure, if he should believe Jack's words. Because what he said was the absolute opposite of what his family had told him ever since he'd left that summer. He swallowed, getting the bad feeling that maybe his parents had deceived him on purpose, because they never wanted her with him. 'Go on.' Pacey's voice was throaty by that time but he sat down again.

'Obviously she waited for quite some time. She had a little chat with Eddie around 2 a.m. and then she left. As she crossed the street that black Audi crushed into her, leaving her lying there on the ground. Dawson called an ambulance and hadn't it been for him, she'd most likely died there and than.' He swallowed and Pacey could hear him struggle for words. Even though he seemed a lot more sorted than Jen. 'Jen blames herself, for not staying with her, or urging her to leave with us. Eddie blames himself, for convincing her, that he wouldn't come. Dawson blames himself for not being here earlier. Well, everybody blames themselves.' He took a deep breath. 'They put Joey in an artificial coma, for her blood to rebuilt and her wounds to heal. But as they tried to get her out of it…. Well, she just stayed asleep. She'd fallen into real coma by that time and nobody know if and when she'll wake up. There is no medical expatiation for her state… She should have woken weeks ago.'

'What?' Pacey starred at Jack, he couldn't believe it. This couldn't be happening.

'She's about to die, Pacey.' He looked down at his hands. 'Mostly because no one of us can afford the intensive medical care anymore. It's been five month now.' Pacey just shook his head, he couldn't believe what he heard.

'And it isn't even the worst part here Pacey.' Jen said from behind Jack, obviously more collected by now.

'It isn't?' Pacey stared at her.

'No.' Jack shook his head and took a deep breath.

'Then tell me what is.'

'Grace is...' Jen whispered, her eyes red from the tears, she looked terrible.

'And who the fuck is Grace?' Pacey practically yelled at her. He was just so angry.

'She's your daughter Pacey.' Jen whispered and the words just literally hit Pacey in the guts. He'd known that Joey had a kid, but everyone except of Gretchen had told him, it was Dawson's child. He slumped back onto his seat and starred at his friends, his eyes wide, his hands in his hair, totally shocked, as Jen's words slowly sunk in.

 _Want this to continue? All you gotta do is leave me a short review._

 _Thanks_


	2. CH1 - Tears

_Hey there,_

 _thanks for the amazing amount of reviews. Each one of them made my day! Sorry this hadn't been earlier, but I try and steal every free minute, even though it's hard sometimes to find time and motivation between everyday chaos, two kids and all._

 _I wanted this to be a little longer, but than I decided that I couldn't make you wait any longer, so this is it for the time being. Please keep up the reviewing._

 _Yana_

 _Incomplete_

 _\- Chapter one -_

The world closed in around him, pictures of Joey floated his mind and they triggered feelings long forgotten, buried underneath grief and the need to somehow go on a long time ago. Go on like he'd never knew her. Like she hadn't been his life. Like she wasn't the center of his universe. He stared at his one-time friends. 'But Grace she… She's Dawson's.' He finally managed to say the words out loud, somehow managed to deal with the pain they cost him. And fully convinced that it was the honest truth.

'What?'Jack looked at him with various feelings mirrored on his face. 'You can't possibly believe that, now can you?'

'But…' Pacey stuttered and for the first time in a long time the slightest bit of doubt arose in him. 'Everyone told me so.' He finally managed to say.

'That is, because you just didn't ask the right people, Pacey.' Jen's words were bitterly spoken, but her voice was low and sad. 'You could have just asked us. Or Dawson for that matter.' She looked into his eyes and he felt guilty. He knew he could have just called Dawson, but he wasn't ready to hear him say, that it was in fact Dawson's daughter. He needed him to say otherwise, but was sure that he just wouldn't say the right words. And so he didn't call him. 'There just was nobody else, even though she had offers, she used to say…'

'She used to say: " _Sorry man, but there's someone I'm waiting for. Someone I belong to. Someone I love. He asked me once to give him a reason to stay. He left nonetheless - but I owe him this much, I'll be here waiting for him, even if it is for a lifetime."_ A shame it seems she _did_ wait for you her whole life.' Eddie's voice was deep and his words cut deep into Pacey's heart, because Eddie couldn't have a clue about the meaning of him renting her a wall at a time she saw him as nothing more than a goof friend, but him falling deeper for her every breathing minute. Of his massage on the wall for her and what it felt like, that she just didn't asked him to stay, but instead decided to come with him, taking him by total surprise and making him the happiest guy alive. He couldn't know about their summer and what it had been like to finally be together. To loose friendships over it. He couldn't know about their last conversation, about everything. He couldn't know, what breaking up with Joey, being apart from her, meant to Pacey, to both of them.

After that, there was a long, heavy silence. And even after Eddie had long cleaned up, Pacey still sat with Jen and Jack. Neither of them knew what to say, neither had words for what was on their minds.

Until finally Jack stood, placed his hand on Pacey's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. 'Come on man, go home. There's nothing you can do tonight. But maybe you'll pay her a visit someday.' He handed him a note. 'Just don't wait too long, there's not much time left.'

Jen stood also and after a moment of uncertainty, she hugged Pacey and it took him by total surprise. Slowly he closed his arms around her, surprised, that it seemed so natural, that it felt so familiar and it made him wonder why it took him so long to get back in touch with these people, who just knew him and liked him for ho he had been before he'd became successful.

'Come by some time and visit your little girl. She's just amazing.' Jen whispered and Pacey just nodded, not able to say anything.

'Will do, Jen.' He hugged her tight. 'And I will take care about that medical bill, so don't you dare say good-bye to soon.'

'But why? You haven't been around for such a long time... She's not your responsibility anymore. Hadn't been for a long, long time.' Jen paused.

'I know.' Was all he said, because everything else just would have ended in him trying to explain something he just couldn't possibly hope to find the right words for. There was so much going on in his mind. First, there was Audrey who had to be taken care of and than there was his job and so many other things to be done. But what really was on his mind, was the quote Eddie referred to - Joey's words - that were spinning around in his head. _There's someone I'm waiting for. Someone I belong to. Someone I love. He asked me once to give him a reason to stay. He left nonetheless - but I owe him this much, I'll be here waiting for him._ She had been waiting for him. She had been true to him. She had never given up hope, that he'd come back to her like he'd promise. And yet he had been there, refusing to go See her because he believed his father's words blindly. Maybe because it was his deepest fear that she would turn to Dawson. Maybe because he was a fool.

'Good night Lindley. Thanks for letting me know.' His words whispered into their embrace.

'You're welcome, Pacey.' She hugged him one last time. 'Glad you're back.'

'Yeah.' He pushed her gently away from him and turned towards Jack. 'Thanks Jackers. Maybe we have a beer together someday?'

'Sure man.' Jack smiled and so did Pacey.

'Night Jack.'

'Night, man.' With this Jack laid his arm around Jen's shoulder and Pacey watched them leave.

Pacey turned and collected the three glasses they'd used. Slowly he walked through the room and placed them into the sink.

'Can I ask you something?' It was Eddie's voice.

'Yeah, sure.' Pacey turned and their eyes met.

'Why did you leave a girl like her? I mean, she really is all a guy can hope for. She's beautiful and sexy. She's witty and easy to be around. She's so goddamn smart and she's a lion for the ones she loves...' His voice was low and without the slightest bit of criticism. Pacey recognized that sound, it was the sound of unreturned love and longing, the same his voice bore at the time Dawson rejected Joey. And so he took a deep breath and even if he knew, he didn't owe the other man an explanation he wanted to share, because Eddie seemed to care about Joey deeply and sincerely.

'I left that summer, because I was afraid I was holding her back from all the possibilities life held for her. I knew by that time, that I screwed everything up. I had no hope to graduate. I knew she would stay in Capeside for me, because she said earlier that year she wouldn't leave without me. She would have sacrificed all her dreams for a scalawag like me and I just couldn't let her do that.'

'And why didn't you come back?' Eddie asked. 'I get it, you believed her little girl was another one's child, but didn't it come to mind that maybe - maybe - she could be yours? Did you trust her this little? That you believed Joey just fled in another ones arms the moment you left and have his child? A pregnancy is about 9 month long and surely your math'll do to let you know that if Grace hadn't been yours, Joey must have had another one the instant you turned your back on her…. And I believe, that is nothing like her. Not now and I can't believe she was this different as a high school girl.' Eddie never let Pacey's eyes go. 'Why didn't you ask her? Visit her? Fight for her? See for yourself?'

Pacey closed his eyes for a moment. Yeah he'd spent much time wondering whose child she might be. He wondered about many things. But discussing this with a total stranger just wasn't what he was going to do. Not until he knew for sure, that this child truly was his. Not before he saw with his own eyes. Not before he sorted everything out.

'Because I was a fool.' He said quietly and passed Eddie by on his way out. Pacey felt the other man's gaze in his back right up until the door closed behind him.

* * *

Outside the night was cold and the icy wind took Pacey by surprise. He leaped up his coat collar and walked all the way home. His thoughts racing. His heart heavy. Should it be that he became a father and loose his child's mother all in one moment? Should it be, that he got the love of his life back just to stand on her grave? Should it be, that he took so long he would be too late?

At home he poured himself a glass of scotch and watched out of the window and out into the night until the first light of dawn painted the clouds in a pale rose. He tried to figure it all out. He thought about calling Dawson, but than again he knew, would this child be his, he wouldn't be about to marry another girl. He would be right here or Joey would be with him in Hollywood. He thought about calling his father, but he knew he would only laugh at him. He thought about calling Doug or Gretch but didn't do any of it, because the only person he wanted to talk with right now was Joey.

* * *

After an unsuccessful try to sleep, he picked up the phone and tried to reach Audrey, but she didn't pick up, much like he'd expected.

'You've reached Audrey Liddell, can't get your call right now, most likely I'm busy. Leave me a massage. Bye.' Her voice alone made him sick to the bones, but he cleared his throat and left her a message:

'Babe, it's me. I'm sorry about yesterday. Call me when you're over it. But not today, my phone will be off. Bye.' With this he switched his phone off and left it on the table.

He showered, brushed his teeth, dressed in a jeans, a gray shirt and sneakers and got into his car. So many thoughts rushed through his head, memories of days long gone.

He remembered his sister calling him, while he was on his fishing trip with Doug, telling him he shouldn't be a fool and just call his girl as soon as possible. He remembered that funny feeling in his stomach as he picked up the phone and dialed her number. She picked up.

' _Hello?' And he remembered exactly how he'd felt the moment he heard her voice through the line. He wanted to tell her so many things, he wanted to tell her, that he missed her every waking minute, that he loved her… But he didn't._

' _Hey, Jo. Gretchen told me to call you immediately. What's wrong?'_

There had been an awkwardly long pause and it made him fretful.

' _Joey?'_

' _Nothing, really.' She said with the slightest hint of a nervous chuckle, but he knew she wasn't telling him the truth. 'It's nothing, really.'_

' _Nothing?' He asked again, because there was something in her voice telling him there was more about it, than she was willing to tell him over the phone. 'Didn't sound like "nothing" the way Gretch urged me to call you…' Pacey left the sentence unfinished. Again there was an awkwardly long silence until her soft voice said:_

' _Nothing that can't wait until you're back, Pacey. Just focus on yourself, okay? That's the important thing to do.'_

He nodded, even though she couldn't see it. If she didn't want to share, he wouldn't push her. Even though he knew, he wouldn't be back. At least not as soon as she obviously expected him to be.

' _Joey, just one thing - I'm not coming back for graduation.' There he said it and he could almost see her crumble at his words, almost heard the impact._

' _But…?' Her voice had suddenly switched from gentle understanding to panicked and he decided to cut her off, because he knew if he didn't she'd probably say something that would made him change his mind._

' _You said for yourself I should focus on myself for a while and this is what I'm going to do.' He took a deep, shivering breath. Her silence scared him. 'Joey?'_

' _Yeah?' Her voice a mere whisper and hadn't he known her as good as he did, he would have got the notion she might be crying._

' _I think I have to go off and live my own life for a little while. But it certainly doesn't mean this is how I want it to end between us.' He swallowed at the lump in his throat, painfully aware of his brother behind him, hearing every word he spoke and also about knowingly breaking her heart._

' _Jo, can I ask you something?'_

' _Sure.' She sounded awfully sad and there was something underneath that told him she wanted to tell him something really important but held back for his sake._

Pacey's voice was all throaty as he continued on. 'If I were lucky enough one day to find myself owning a sailboat again… And I would ask the woman that I love to go sailing with me. Would she?'

' _You wouldn't even have to ask, Pacey.' She said. 'I'll be waiting here for you.' And than the line went dead._

He remembered the deeply felt longing, the same one that took hold of him now. He remembered himself swallowing down the tears that were building in his eyes and was surprised, that even now that memory brought back those tears. God he remembered everything. And now, that he didn't held back those memories anymore, he realized how much he actually missed her ever since. How much he missed her in his everyday life and was surprised to find the love for her crashing down on him with unexpected force.

Pacey braked hard in front of a red light. Wiping at his eyes, suddenly feeling like that high-school boy again. This particular conversation never since truly let go of him. It was kind of always there. He knew she would be true to her word, she would be waiting for him. He went on that cruise nonetheless, believing that he did the right thing, setting her free. But one day he called his father, asking for his permission to come back earlier, because he just couldn't bear to be away from Joey anymore. He remembered his father laughing through the line, saying the words that were about to hunt him down right until that very day. ' _Ha Pacey, you're only gone for a little while and now your little bird is pregnant with your former best friends child'_ BAM! There they had been. Those words that broke him, those words cutting him off from everything. He couldn't believe it, refused to. But he remembered the anger that floated his body and soul, and deeply felt sadness. That feeling of the worst kind of betrayal, that only gets you, when someone you trusted backstabs you by stealing the only thing that matters. …but also he remembered the little voice inside his head, that told him it wasn't like her to just go and share her bed with someone else. And neither was it like Dawson to just lay his best friends girl the first chance he got. But Pacey believed his father nonetheless, why wouldn't he? And instead of calling Joey, or Dawson for that matter, he just never got back in touch with her ever since.

Pacey snapped out of his thoughts as the cars behind him started to honk and he realized, that the light had changed back to green.

After Joey's child was born, Doug told him, he'd saw it as Joey visited Bessie in Capeside. Pacey remembered, that he got suspicious about her visiting alone. Because Pacey was convinced, that would it really be Dawson's child, he wouldn't miss a chance to show his baby-girl around and to let everyone see, that in the end the golden boy got the girl. And Doug didn't mention Joey visiting the Leery's house either and that was really more than unusual.

'Doug, are you one hundred percent sure, it's not mine after all?' Pacey remembered how nervous he had been, how much depended on his brothers answer. How he wished he would say the right words. But instead he said:

'Pacey, I'm sorry, really. But that baby-girl isn't yours. Its Dawson's. There can't be any doubt.'

* * *

As Pacey drove onto the parking lot in front of the hospital it took him a moment to regain composure. What if Grace was his? What if his parents and Doug had just taken the chance to lure him away from Joey? What if they had knowingly held him back and with this betrayed him for the time with his daughter? What if Joey would die and he wouldn't have had the opportunity to speak with her, to explain and let her explain? What if he was too late?

Pacey wanted to call his sister and quietly cursed himself for leaving his phone at home. So he took a deep breath and slowly got out of the car. With heavy steps he made his way through endless floors. He felt like walking in slow motion. Reality passing him by like a dream.

Until finally he reached the door to the intensive care ward. He ringed at the door, a nurse came.

'What can I help you with?' It was a small woman, but she had the sunniest smile on her face Pacey had ever seen.

'Name's Pacey Witter, I wanted to pay Josephine Potter a visit.' He was surprised by his steady voice, because really he felt all weak and nervous. He blamed his buisness-self for that ability.

The womans brown eyes widened in surprise as he spoke and she looked him over for a quick second.

'Well, Mister Witter, please follow me.'

She led him inside. On the left and right were windows behind which pale people lay in white beds, tied to monitors and the steady beeping of machines ringed in his ears, the smell of death and sickness clung in the air like the devil in the corner, always ready to grab a hapless soul. He found himself sending a silent prayer to whatever might there was to spate her.

As suddenly the nurse stopped in front of a window and pointed to the pale figure that lay there, barely recognizable, thin and sick, but he felt his heart go out to her instantly.

'There she is.' The nurse smiled at him but he just looked at Joey. She was beautiful. Even as she lay there, more dead than alive.

There was a woman sitting by her bed. It must be Grams, her gray hair bond back straight and her lips whispering a silent prayer, while her old and wizened hand held one of Joey's. Her thump tenderly stroking over it.

He saw a little girl with dark hair, held by two bobby pins, sitting on a blanket on the floor, playing with her doll.

'Won't you enter?' The nurse asked and it made him startle.

He shook his head and so she nodded. 'Just take your time, Mister Witter.' She opened the door and was heartedly greeted by Grams. In that moment the child became aware of the figure standing in front of the window and she stood, smiling brightly at him and he felt his heart going out to that unknown child. The girl took two steps towards the window and looked straight into Pacey's eyes. In that moment realization hit him hard. This girl looked nothing like Dawson. She was an exact copy of her mother, but she had his eyes. _His_! And it brought tears to his own.

'Dada.' The little girl pointed at him and he could hear Grams say: 'No my dear Grace, your father is far away.'

Pacey's heart ached as the child placed her little hand on the window-glass and looked at him with wide open eyes. He crouched down and placed his own big hand against hers through the glass and she said it again: 'Dada.' Low this time, almost tenderly and Pacey just looked at her, unable to say anything. This was his daughter without any doubt. He had a daughter with the girl he loved his whole life and he had missed everything about her. Hadn't even known, that she excited.

In this moment Grams turned her head and as she saw him, she covered her mouth with one hand.

'Pacey!' she whispered and Joey's heart skipped a beat unnoticed by both Grams and Pacey.

The woman picked up the little girl and stepped out of the room.

'Pacey Witter, what are you doing here? It's a little too late for you to finally remember her, don't you think?' The elder womans voice was strict and her wise eyes were fixated on him and he saw anger and grief in them.

'Yeah, it is. And I'm sorry.' His voice low and regretful, his eyes switched from Grams to Grace and back again.

'I know you are, boy and I'm glad you'd made it in time. We are about to turn off the machines tomorrow.' Her eyes suddenly swam in tears. 'I'm sorry.'

He laid a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to condolence her, but really he couldn't.

'Is this about the money or about her condition?' He asked her and forced her to look him into the eyes.

'About the money, Pacey. She can sleep there like this for a long time, but we just can't afford it.' A tear rolled down her cheek and so Pacey kissed her forehead.

'Don't worry, Grams. I can afford it and I will.'

'But…'

'There's just no _but_ here. There can't be.' She wiped at her eyes and Pacey looked at the girl who was watching him closely.

'And you are Grace?' God but she was beautiful and her eyes we're kind and wide with curiosity. He knew he could easily fall in love with her. With his daughter! He still couldn't believe this.

The girl nodded.

'I'll go in there and say hello to your mother and then I'll be back with you, ok?'

'Bye Dada.' The girl waved. He felt the love spout for that little girl, he felt anger towards his family, nervous as hell because he had to face the love of his life and his greatest failure.

Slowly Pacey entered the room, while the nurse left it. Pacey looked at Joey and only than realized the whole amount of machines, drips, needles, lines…. And he felt suddenly sick. This really could be how she'd leave him. This could be her end, tied to some monitors and drips, clinging to life only a little bit, only enough to not just quit breathing.

He stood there for a long while. Just watched the girl he once loved breathing, lingering between life and death. And the words died on his tongue. He just didn't know what he could possibly say. He just stood there for a really, really long time and just looked at her. And he felt nothing and everything at once.

Slowly he walked across the room and sat down on the exact same chair Grams had sit in a while ago. His eyes fixated on her. And he knew for sure, that he would do anything in his might to not let her die like this.

'Hey Jo…' He finally whispered. Feeling the need to speak with her. His voice low and throaty, emotional, shaking. And he felt nothing like the confident businessman, who always seemed to know exactly what to say and how to say it. He felt weak. And somehow, with Joey, this has never had been a problem. Around her he had always been who he really was. Without the need of masks and illusions. 'Jen told me to come visit you and well, here I am.' He cleared his throat. 'Probably not the best moment, but...' He paused. Felt the tears in his eyes again. 'I'm sorry I didn't made it earlier. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I'm sorry…' He ran his hands through his hair. 'I'm sorry about everything.'

He felt the tears running down his face and he just didn't care about them anymore. He took her hand and kissed it.

'Please Jo…' He whispered. 'Please don't leave me like this.'

 _Liked it? Hated it? Want more? Please leave me a short review or PM me._


	3. CH2- Memories

_Hey there,_

 _Thanks for the all the reviews. Please keep them coming. Really I crave them. And every single one of them lightens my day. Feel free to say if you dislike anything, but please let me know if something was good as well._

 _This is a really long one,_

 _enjoy,_

 _Yana_

 _Pawy: I tried to monitor my then/than this time, I hope it worked._

 **Incomplete**

\- Chapter Two -

Pacey just sat there. Holding her hand. Wondering if he was allowed to just kiss her. To touch her sleeping face. To hold her. Wondered if there was anything he could possibly do to make her wake up. To make her speak with him. To make her come back to him for good. He knew in this moment, he'd gladly abandon his whole life, his success, his prestige, his money… everything, if only it would somehow, miraculously, make her open her eyes.

'Mister Witter?' Pacey snapped out of his thoughts, as the nurse entered the room, followed by a women, obviously Joey's doctor. 'You need a glass of water?' the nurse asked and Pacey nodded thankfully as he took the glass from the young womans hand. Slowly he tried to stand up only to find his knees had gone weak.

'Just stay there.' the elder woman smiled at him, as she pulled another chair next to his and sat down herself. 'My name is Eva WIllson. I am Miss Potters doctor. And you are Pacey Witter?' She asked him, with furrowed brows.

'Yeah.' His voice was throaty and so he harrumphed. 'Yes, I'm Pacey Witter.'

'I'm glad, I finally meet you. We tried to get in touch with you, but your family refused to give us any information and so we proceeded without you.'

Pacey's eyes widened. His family knew about Joey?

'What do you mean by that?' He placed the now empty glass on Joey's bedside table while he looked at the doctor. His expression one of utter disbelieve.

'Miss Potter has a patient's provision for a case like this one.' She started slowly, while she watched him closely, looking at him with a commiserative look in her eyes. Pacey just stared at her. Not sure, if he wanted to know what it said. 'Among many other things it says, that you are the one to decide if and when life-prolonging measures should be cut down.'

'But…' Pacey couldn't believe it. He has no words for what he felt. He just lost his footage.

'Miss Ryan had took it upon herself to make that decision, as we couldn't get a hold on you. But now that you're here, it's no longer her decision to made. It's yours.'

Pacey covered his face with his hands, wiped over his eyes and then ran his hands through his hair.

'But she… Why me? We…' God, he needed to get his thoughts straight. It has been enough already, without him being responsible. His eyes wandered to Joey and his stomach clenched. 'What are the odds? What are her chances to survive this?' He asked, never letting his eyes go of this sleeping beauty and he felt his heat breaking as he spoke.

'Honestly?' the doctor asked and Pacey gave a barely noticeable nod. 'Well, honestly there's absolutely no reason for her to not wake up any moment. We expected her to be wide awake weeks ago. For me it looks like she just doesn't _want_ to wake up. There's no medical explanation. It seems, that she just decided to sleep a little longer. That is the reason we allowed Grace here, under normal circumstances children are not allowed on intensive care ward, but we hoped that her being here had an impact on Miss Potter, but it didn't.' He felt her hand on his, trying to comfort him. 'Maybe she waits for you.'

Pacey turned his head and looked at the doctor with questioning eyes and the doctor shrugged smiling.

'Wouldn't be the first time, _one_ person made the difference.' She looked at him with serious eyes. 'Just come by, regularly if you can. Let her know you're here. That is, if you're free to spent time here. I don't know any of your life. Maybe you have a family of your own or someone waiting for you other than her.' She nodded in Joey's direction. 'But if you're able to come by from time to time, maybe you will make the difference between life and death here.'

Pacey swallowed hard, while his eyes switched from the doctor to Joey and back.

'Just let me know, if I am to pull the pluck tomorrow as planned or if you want to give her some more time to decide for herself. She's given no oxygen, so breathing is her decision, all her other needs are fulfilled by us.'

'Let her sleep all she wants.' Pacey whispered. 'Maybe it's my turn now, to wait for her.' His eyes we're fixated on Joey as he spoke.

'Yeah, maybe…' The doctor stood. 'I'll leave you with her. You are free to come and go as you please. And if you need anything, just come by and we'll see to it.'

'Thanks.' Pacey said absentmindedly while he watched Joey's chest rise and fall.

'Have a good day, Mister Witter.' She said before she left the room, but Pacey hadn't been listening anymore.

After a long time Pacey stood. 'I guess I have to go and meet Grace now.' He bend over Joey's face and kissed her forehead tenderly. 'Sleep well, Jo. See you soon, I promise I'll come by anytime I can.' And he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, like he'd done a hundred thousand times and his heart ached for all the lost time and the girl he once loved but counted lost because of a lie. He wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to respond in any possible way. He wanted her to be alive. He placed his hand against her cheek for a short moment, before he turned and walked out the door, closing it slowly.

* * *

Grace had been fast asleep on Grams lap, by the time he got out of Joey's room. He'd left his mobile number and his contacts for the case of any changes.

'May I drive you home? And maybe spent a few hours with Grace?'

'Sure.' Grams smiled and so Pacey picked Grace up and found the weight of the child in his arms strangely comforting. On their way to the car Grams told him, that Joey moved in with her, Jen and Jack as it became clear, that she wouldn't attend college as planed. Originally she'd wanted to stay in Capeside, but for some reason Grams wouldn't share, she couldn't. Joey lived in the attic, where Jack and Dawson managed to built her a little bathroom for herself and the baby. Jen lived with them as well. Jack had moved in with Toby last winter.

Pacey placed the sleeping girl in a safety seat he got in his trunk for times his niece was around. He fixated the safety belt and kissed her forehead.

He felt defeated and he just wanted to drive to Capeside and punch his father in the face, to shake his brother and ask them what the hell had been going on with them. Why they hadn't told him about Grace, because obviously they'd known. And he had the Bad feeling that Joey leaving Capeside was somehow his father's doing too.

'You look terrible, boy.' Grams said, as he dropped on the driver seat, letting his head fall on the backrest and wiped over his face with both hands.

Pacey couldn't help but chuckle. 'Well, thanks Miss Ryan.' He paused as he looked at the sleeping child on the back seat through his back sight mirror. 'It had been a little to much for less than twelve hours. I became a father. I became responsible for Joey's wellbeing. My girlfriend will be angry with me as hell. My family deceived me. I had no sleep at all, let alone eating.' He cleared his throat while he started the motor.

'You became a father almost two years ago and everyone knew it. Your family just refused to pass you the information. We hadn't a chance to find you, even though Joey never ceased to search for you. Dawson was at Doug's several times, Mitch tried to bring your father to his senses. Nobody was willing to share. And we had just given up hope to find you at all, as one day Joey came home with Dawson and said she thought she saw you across the street, but as she turned and looked again, the person she thought to be you was gone.'

Grams wagged her head. 'Silly girl, never really accepted your decision to leave her. She always hoped you'd miraculously come back to her for good one day. She hunted you down and came up with an address of a stock marketing company. Silly girl, as if you ended up selling stocks.' She wagged her head and Pacey couldn't get a straight thought. She almost got him.

'When did she come up with this?' He asked breathlessly and felt like someone chocked him.

'Few day's before her accident.' Grams shrugged.

The world around him began to spin, he was all dizzy. 'And what kind of car was it again?' He heard himself asking, not entirely sure why he wanted to know in the first place.

'A black Audi, I think… But whys it important?'

 _His phone buzzed and suddenly he was wide awake. Immediately thinking about Rick and this new deal that they worked on. Rich calling him in the middle of the night wasn't all that unusual and so he grabbed the phone without checking the number._

 _'Hello?'_

 _'It's me. I had an accident.' The voice said._

 _'Audrey?' His heart was suddenly racing. 'Are you drunk?'_

 _'Yeah I'm drunk.' The answer was lulled._

 _Pacey wiped over his face, wagging his head in disbelieve._

 _'Honestly Audrey? Again?' Pacey slumped back into his pillow. He couldn't bear it anymore._

 _'Yeah again.' She was angry and he could tell so he tried to appease her._

 _'Shall I collect you somewhere?'_

 _She laughed. 'No, no no no no…. I'm home.'_

 _'Okay, so you're alright?' He asked, suddenly tired again._

 _'Yep, I'm good. But I hit some animal, a deer or something, and it broke the glass and something in the hood I guess.'_

 _'Audrey….!' It wasn't the first time._

 _'Was just that old black Audi.'_

He felt suddenly sick to death as he stopped his car in front of Grams house.

'Dear boy, are you getting sick?' Grams asked but Pacey just swallowed and cleared his throat, not daring to think into it too much, surely it was just an unfortunate coincidence.

'No. I'm ok. It was just a little to much for one day I guess…'

Grams smiled at him sympathetically.

'Come on boy, I think you need something good to eat.' With that Grams got out of the car, picked up the still sleeping girl from the backseat and motioned for Pacey to come inside.

Grams opened up the door and laid Grace down on the couch in the living room, tucked her into a warm blanket. Pacey looked around. It was a homely house, warm and as simple as it was, it was more a place to feel at home than his place with it's fancy furniture and cold colors could ever become. Minimalism was the magic word, Audrey had said and so he did as she advised. The thought of her alone send a displeasing shiver down his spine and the sick feeling crushed back down on him as his eyes found his daughter still sleeping on the couch. Grams was in the kitchen. He stood a while in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do and then he stepped into the open kitchen.

'Can I be of any help?' Grams looked at him from where she stood chopping vegetables and smiled a half sad smile.

'I'm good here, boy. You can go over there', she motioned in Grace's direction. '...and get to know her a little better. You may be all she has left.'

'Don't say such a thing, I beg you.' Pacey voice was low, desperately pleading with her. He just refused to give that kind of thought any space, because he was afraid it would poison his mind. She would wake up. She had to… Simple as that. She just had to.

It was only in the moment he felt her hand on his arm he realized that there were tears in his eyes. He hadn't meant to let them surface, but it was all just too much.

'We've been there, Pacey. All of us. But as much as it hurts, we have to face the fact that there is a good chance she won't wake up ever again. And giving that reality room doesn't mean surrendering, but it will give us the strength to say good-bye should the time come.' Her voice was soft but it's blade was to sharp, to cruel.

'And there is also a chance that she will. And I will hold on to that. Because if I don't, who will? If I don't believe in the chance she will wake up, how can I sit on her bedside and tell her to?' He held her eyes for a second, fierce and angry without knowing why. Pacey swallowed his tears, without letting them fall and walked away from her towards his daughter.

He crouched down beside her, tucking a strand of brown silk behind her ear and the fact that this was indeed his daughter hit him again. That little, beautiful girl was his. And she looked so much like her mother as she suddenly stirred, the love for her just poured out of his heart. And he knew, that he would do everything in his might to not let her mother die and to give her a good life. To be a better father than his ever had been. And if it meant sacrifice his current life, he would do it without hesitation. It hadn't fit him anyway.

She opened her eyes and smiled sleepily up at him.

'Morning beautiful.' Pacey whispered, while caressing her cheek. She reached out for his cheek and touched it with her small hand, all warm and soft, a sunny smile on her face.

'Dada.' She said and it warmed his soul.

He nodded and felt the first smile of the day on his face. 'Yeah, I guess so little lady. Pleased to meet you.'

She reached out for him with her arms and so he picked her up and hugged her tight, her little arms around his neck. He held her for a while until she let go of him and looked into his eyes, with her own big blue ones.

'Mama 'wake?' She asked and it cut deep into his heart as he sat down on the sofa, placing the little girl onto his lap, the blanket still around her little body.

'No sunshine. And she might be sleeping for a little while longer.'

'You wake Mama?' He hugged her tight, placing a butterfly kiss on her head.

'I don't know if I can do that, but I'll try, okay?' He turned a little so their eyes met. 'I guess, we'll try it together from now on, you and me, okay?'

She nodded. 'Dada stays?' Her eyes were wide and hopeful.

'Yes dear. I have to go to work, but I'll be around from now on. I promise.'

'Book?' She asked and he smiled, remembering hours and hours he spent reading books to Joey.

'Sure. Will you grab one?'

And so they started to read, the girl cuddled into her fathers arms, covered by a warm blanket and as Grams stood in the doorway, watching them, she knew that this girl was safe for the first time since her mother's accident. There was nothing in this world that could harm Grace right now. As if her father's presence somehow took her anxiety away. And so the elderly woman turned and put the food in the oven so it wouldn't cool down and sat down on a chair in the kitchen, just watching Pacey with his daughter, while she said a silent prayer for Joey.

Pacey and Grace went from reading to building houses with toy blocks, playing with the already built up train station and a wooden puzzle. Until finally Grace got hungry.

* * *

After they finished eating Pacey stood. 'May I use your phone? I left my mobile at home, but I really need to make a call.'

'Sure, Pacey.' Grams nodded and then looked at Grace. 'And the two of us clear up the kitchen while your father makes his call?'

Pacey watched them clearing the table for a moment, before he turned towards the phone and got out of the room, closing the door behind him.

'Hello?'

'Rich, it's Pacey.'

'Well finally, I tried to reach you all day. Where have you been?'

Pacey wagged his head, because Rich's voice was all impatient and worked up.

'It's Sunday, Rich and I'm not at home.' Pacey tried to keep his voice low.

'Sunday's hadn't bothered you in the past. You aren't at home and you are not with Audrey. So, were are you?'

'As if the only place you were to find if not at work would be your wife.' Pacey gave a throaty laugh, not willing to discuss any of this with Rich before he'd spoken with Audrey. And Rich knew all too well, that Pacey knew about all about his little affairs - the negligible ones and the serious one as well.

'Be careful here, Pacey, it's thin ice you're walking on.' Rich cleared his throat and Pacey smiled a half smile, knowing that he'd won this one.

'I need you to do me a favor; Rich.'

'No, no, no, no Pacey. I need _you_ to come _in_. Now!'

Pacey closed his eyes. He'd been afraid, that Rich would say something like that, but he wouldn't give in. Not this time. And if it was for the first time ever.

'I can't come in today, Rich. I just can't.' He heard Rich suck his breath in and knew he was about to protest, but he wouldn't screw it up this time. He wouldn't leave Grace like this.

'So tell me Witter, what can be more important as business?' He could almost picture Rich leaning back on his black leather executive chair.

'Family Rich!' Pacey said in a serious voice. 'So, would you do me a favor, please?' It wasn't a lie and Pacey knew, that he got Rich with that.

'Well, if you need me to.' The other man gave in and Pacey almost let out a breath of relieve, but held it in.

'Liquidate my share on _BioTech_.' He said in a voice, that allowed no protest.

'What?' The other man laughed in disbelieve, clearly counting Pacey insane.

'Liquidate my share on _BioTech_.' Pacey repeated without hesitation.

'But Pacey! Why would you want me to do such a stupid thing? It's the high flyer of the century. You can't just sell your share!' Rich's voice almost over-tuned.

'But I will. And if you're not the man to do it for me, I'll just call someone else.' Pacey got impatient and Rich knew the sound all too well. And he knew, would Pacey call someone else, everybody would know that he only did so because Rich had denied him. The two of them only did business between themselves.

'Okay, will do.'

'Do it now! I know exactly what the stock is worth in this moment, so do it while I'm on the line.'

'But Pacey…'

'Now!' His voice unyielding.

'Okay, okay…' There was a short silence and then Pacey heard Rich sucking in air in surprise and he knew he'd done it. 'Oh my fuck, Witter. I hadn't known you had this amount of share….' He paused a moment, clearly fighting for words. 'This is more money than you can ever hope to spent.' He cleared his throat. 'Unless of course you're finally planning on marring my sister and this is the "family business" you were talking about. In that case you'll need to double it for the wedding.'

Pacey wagged his head, not in the mood for joking of this sort. He knew exactly what an amount of money he got in that minute.

'Not planning anything like it at the moment.' He said it, before he's thought about it, but the other man just gave a small laugh. 'Okay, I'll give you bank details, please make sure the money gets there safely.'

'Will do my friend.'

Pacey passed the details.

'Oh and Rich. Do you know what's happened to that black Audi of Audrey's?'

'The one she hit the deer with?'

'Mm'

The other man laughed nervously. 'It's been scrapped. Why?'

'Just a thought. Have to go now. See you in the morrow.'

'See you Witter.' And then the line went dead.

Pacey stood for a moment in the hall, wondering if he should call Audrey but instead he placed the phone back on it's station. He would have to deal with her, but he wouldn't be the one calling her first. This time it was her turn.

He got back into the living room, just to find Grace on his hand almost instantly.

'Play Dada?' He smiled at her and found himself playing toy blocks for the rest of the day.

As the hour turned late, Grace cuddled up into Pacey's arms.

'Read book, Dada?' She asked him, yawning widely. Pacey grinned, surprised by the total ease the child felt around him. He, for his part, had never found it difficult to be around kids. But being with his own child, with his daughter that was also Joey's just was about the best thing he'd experienced in a long time. Sure, he saw the children of his siblings regularly, specially Grecht's little girl, but Grace… Being with her just felt so damn right and the prospect of having work in the morrow and not being able to be around this little girl bothered him more than he could say. It was in fact the first time ever, that he'd searched for a reason not to attend work at all.

'Sure.' He grabbed a book and began to read, while Grams placed a cup of tea for him on the side table. He smiled at her thankfully.

'She's sleeping already.' She said, placing a hand on Pacey's shoulder. 'It's good to have you around, Pacey. She needed someone to hold on, other than us or even Dawson for the matter of fact.'

'Thank you for taking care of her.' Pacey looked at her, but she just wagged her head.

'There is just nothing to thank me for, boy. She was in need and as Bessie wasn't able to help her out, as things got really tough for her in Capeside, there was no question that Joey could live here. She worked many hours during her pregnancy and after. And this little sunshine you're holding just lightened up our everyday life ever since she's born. So, if you want to thank me, just take good care of her. Be around.'

'Will do.' He gave a serious nod. 'I guess I get her to bed.'

'Do that. She sleeps in my room. It's scary for her to sleep upstairs all alone.'

'I guess so.' Pacey stood and scooped his daughter in his arms and carefully put her to bed, tucked her into her blanket and kissed her forehead.

* * *

'Would you mind, if I have a look into Joey's room?' He asked Grams as he got back into the living room.

'No, I won't.' She pointed to the stairs. 'It's upstairs.' And as he'd left she watched him climb them.

Pacey felt all nervous as he opened the door to Joey's room and as he turned on the lights, the room lit up in a warm indirect light and he felt immediately at home here. And for some reason it brought back the teary feeling, his stomach clenched and he felt like screaming. It was just one room, but it was the most homely chamber he'd been in for a long time. There was so much Joey in that room, that it almost hurt him to be in it. Everything was held in warm colors, and there were plenty of pictures on the wall. Of Grace, Grams, Jen, Dawson and a girl he did not know, Jack and Toby. And one of Joey beaming at Grace and the little girl smiled back. There was so much love in that picture the time he'd lost with them just was all to real. And then there were photo's of him. Photos Joey had taken during their time together. The one Bessie took before Prom and many others. But all of them carefully arranged, so they all just looked as if they belonged there.

On Joey's bedside table stood a picture of him, she'd always loved and under it lay a copy of Moby Dick. Totally tattered and he could imagine her reading it again and again, probably a thousand times by now, remembering him reading it to her on True Love and it made him ache deep inside.

Pacey ran his fingers over her pillow and barely withstood the urge to bury his face in it. God he missed her. All the feelings he'd buried long time ago deep inside his soul suddenly surfaced, broke free with all might. And he felt like crying his heart out, felt like screaming and just so desperately wanted to be near her, to hold her and tell her how sorry he was.

'Thanks Pacey.' Jen's voice a mere whisper, but it almost made him jump. As he turned he saw her standing at the stairway, a sad smile on her face. She held something in her hands, sort of a package wrapped in brown paper and was loosely held together with a cord.

'There really is nothing to thank me for, Lindley.' He sat down on Joey's bed and felt utterly defeated. His voice as weak as he felt. There really was nothing she possibly could thank him for. He hadn't been there when he should have been. He hadn't been brave enough to just come to Joey, to ask her face to face, to see for himself. He'd not even been able to muster up enough courage to call Jen or Jack or Dawson. Instead he hid behind this farce his life had become, like a boy would hide underneath a think duvet during a thunderstorm.

His voice a mere whisper as he asked her: 'Do you know, what's the worst part?' He looked at Jen, without seeing her anymore, because his eyes where on that picture on the wall, Joey had taken of them on deck of his true love, laughing in the camera, nothing but the endless ocean around them, the sun in their faces. A Memory of day's long gone and almost forgotten.

Jen walked slowly through the room until she stood beside him, looking in the exact same direction, remembering Joey standing in front of this picture and telling Grace tales about this summer of love. Remembering her teaching to say "Dady" as they were looking at it.

'Tell me.' She encouraged him in a low voice.

'I own a goddamn sailboat.' Pacey felt the tears in his eyes again, but swallowed them down as he felt Jen sat down beside him.

There was a long moment of silence, because Jen knew why this was the worst part. Joey had told her about that phone call all. She had been there through all of it.

'I got something she wanted you to have.' Jen hesitantly let go of the package. Pacey turned his head, so he was able to look at Jen. His questions surely written all over his face.

'But…?' Pacey hesitated, but Jen urged him to take it. Pacey unassertively took it, surprised by it's weight.

'Just open it. Joey made it for you and told me a long time ago to give this to you if the odds may be that something happened to her before she would be lucky enough to see you again.' She swallowed and tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear, which almost made Pacey smile, because it was so much like something Joey would have done. '...and… Well, after it _did_ actually happen, I just… I took it to… To complete it for Grace, if Joey would die.' Jen looked into Pacey's eyes and he could see the tears in them. 'I haven't opened it yet. I just couldn't get myself to. I just know, she wanted you to have it one way or the other, so…' She stood while she wiped over her watery eyes. 'I guess I'll be going to go. Thanks for being here in time, Pacey… well and everything.'

Pacey just nodded. Not knowing what to say as he watched her leave.

Pacey sat a long while with the still wrapped package on his lap. He tried hard to remember Joey like she had been. Remember her like the lighthearted high school girl, As head over heels for him as he had been for her. Laughing that sunny laugh and looking at him, like him loving her was the greatest wonder since the creation of the world, making him feel like someone who could achieve everything, only by being loved back by her. He swallowed hard, as he carefully unwrapped the brown paper. As the wrapping opened up, his eyes widened. In his lap lay a lovingly designed, obviously self-made book. The cover and the back were thick, beige paperboard, on the front side a calligraphy lettering reading "memories". The pages in between were held together by a obligational binding, which could be opened on the backside to easily add a page or two every now and then.

With a heavily beating heart Pacey slowly opened it only to find a dedication. He closed his eyes and took several deep breathes before he found the courage to actually reading it.

 _'My Love,_

 _I sincerely hope that it was me handing you this book, because if it was someone else the odds my be something happened to me. In this case it has most likely been Jen or Grace giving you this._

 _I began to write letters to you as it became clear you wouldn't come back at all. And some day I just felt like making them into something more than just a loose-leaf-collection or put them into a box, but making it a memory. So I started this book. You'll find letters in it, well this is obvious by now, isn't it? But more so, there will be photos and drawings, pictures, maybe things Grace made by the time she'll be old enough to actually hold a pen and… Well, memories. To understand the person I became after you'd left me with nothing… No, that is not true, because you left me Grace. And I am utmost thankful for that, because a part of you will be with me my whole life, even if I will never see you again. And to help you get to know her a little. Because really, she's everything you would have wanted her to be._

 _I really hope you'll like it._

 _And I miss you. More every day. And if there would be a fairy offering me three wishes, I'd gladly abandon two if she granted me only one: You returning to me._

 _With love,_

 _Joey._

'Oh god Joey. I'm sorry…' He whispered, while his fingers traced over the letters. Pacey stared at her handwritten text. He felt everything at once. And as finally the tears streamed down his face and he found himself sobbing hopelessly. There was just no help for him, no safety buoy. Nothing he could hold on to, because he'd brought that onto himself. There was no one to blame but himself. He placed the precious book on the floor and curled up onto her bed, clenching her pillow with both hands. Everything hurt, he felt as if someone was tearing him apart. He knew he'd deserted her, he knew he'd punished her for nothing. And he knew that this time he'd screwed up royally. Non-excusable and unmerciful. There was nothing he could possibly think of, that would made up for this one. And he just wasn't sure he'd find the courage to read her letters. To look at the pictures. To be reminded of all the things he'd missed, to be confronted with all the pain he'd cost. With his biggest failure. And face the fact, that she never ceased to love him. That she held on to his promise. And he just abandoned her because of a lie.

 ** _Please take a minute of your time, press the review-button and leave me a short comment._**


	4. CH 3 - Desicions I

Hey guys

sorry for the delay, but I just recently started a new job and with my two kids and full-time working husband it's quite crazy these times.

So I wanted to thank all of you for your ongoing support, this means so much to me and it kept me motivated. So please don't stop giving me feedback. I appreciate each and every single one.

I'll try to get back into my once-a-week-rhythm, I can't promise anything though, just keep me motivated and I'll try my best. PM's are always welcome too.

Yours,

Yana

 **Incomplete**

 _\- Chapter 3 -_

 _Decisions, part one_

' _Just leave me alone.' Joey said with tears in her eyes, wrapping her watery blue stole tightly around her shoulders and avoided his eyes. And so he did as she asked, because really, what else was he supposed to do? He left her. Even though it broke his heart into a thousand pieces. Even though it hurt like hell. It was for her best, he would only stand in her way. He would hold her back from all she could achieve without him. Joey would stay in Capeside, she would stay with him. For him, because of him, because of his failure and knowing she would do it without even being asked to do so was the worst part._

 _That was the reason he was so angry and mad. The real reason he'd yelled at her and showed her up like he'd done and in a way he never thought he was even able to. But the moment he had seen her laughing with Dawson, he knew that there was so much out there for her, so much to achieve, so much in this life for her to have. But he knew also, that she couldn't have it with him. That with him she would be doomed to strand in Capeside. And sooner or later that fact would drive them apart._

 _Pacey got drunk that night. Really badly. And he sat with a bottle of high liquor on some random park bench. His suit jacket abandoned somewhere along the way, his shirt hung out of his belt and his tie hung loosely around his neck. He was just so mad and angry and he felt alone. He was all cold and empty inside. Like it was him against the world. In that moment a guy came across and said some silly thing about the unsound youth and something in Pacey's head just flipped. Pacey let go of the bottle so it shattered on the wooden bench, spilling the liquor everywhere. He stood and punched the guy in the face really bad, getting a bloody nose himself as he grappled with him on the ground. A group of passerbys called the cops and so it came Doug and his father picked him up with a bloody nose and with way too much alcohol in his blood._

 _In the police office he got a warning and a really long speach about his behavior and the light it would shed over the Witter family. But somewhere along the way Doug saw the tears in his eyes, the bitter loneliness and his desperate need for someone to hold on to. Somehow he managed to calm their father down. 'Dad. I guess you can stop, Pacey got your point. I guess it won't happen again.. He turned towards Pacey. 'Now will it, little brother?' His voice unusually low. Pacey just shook his head, not sure he would be able to vocalize anything without bursting into tears. Doug nodded and turned towards their father. 'Leave him be for tonight, Dad.' Much to Pacey's surprised his father only shot him a look before he nodded at Doug and left the two brothers alone. Pacey almost let out a breath of relieve, but he was too tight up to do so. The moment the door thunked shot Doug cleared his throat._

 _'Spill it, Pace.'_

 _'I dumped her, Doug.' Pacey's voice barely audible, nothing more than a quite whisper, but he felt the tears building up in his eyes and he cursed over them. Because he really didn't want to cry in front of his brother. As he spoke the words, reality crashed down on him once again and he almost couldn't believe he'd really done it, because it felt like he had cut his beating heart out of his chest._

 _'You what?' Doug stared at him, obviously he had expected everything but this. 'But why? I mean, you we're the happiest I've ever seen you ever since she picked you.'_

 _Pacey just shook his head, begged his brother mutely begging him to not ask any more question. He couldn't possibly talk about it now, because he wouldn't be able to hold the tears back any longer. He missed her already._

 _His brother changed the chair so he now sat beside him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder._

 _'I guess you could use some time off.' Doug said in a low voice but Pacey just stared at the paper and pen on the desk, needing to focus in anything bot even listening. His brothers comforting hand was almost too much to bear. 'As you well know, I'll go on a fishing trip tomorrow and I will take you with me. That will serve as punishment for what you've done tonight but more importantly it will get you out of here and onto the open water once again.'_

 _Pacey nodded his agreement and Doug brought him home. The next day he joined his brother on that trip and he hadn't been back ever since. It broke his heart, but at the same time it felt right. It was the only decision that made sense. But seeing her like that never left him. He used to see her teared up eyes every time he closed his eyes. And as he called her the other day, because Gretchen urged him to, it was the hardest thing to do tell her, that he wouldn't come back, cutting her off like he did so she couldn't tell him anything that possibly would change his mind. Because really, he knew she only had to ask him, she only had to say the words and he wouldn't have had the strength to not come back to her. He longed for her every second of every day, even though being out in the open once again slowly healed him. Not knowing what she'd wanted to tell him that day hunted him down, but he did what he could best, nonetheless - he ran. Encouraged by his brother, who told him again and again, that it was the best idea getting space between the two of them. That Joey would drop him sooner or later, would he hold on to her. Agreed with him, that this relationship had just no future._

 _One day in during that summer Pacey got employed on a cruiser that belonged to a friend of a friend of his father. He worked in the kitchen and he enjoyed working there a lot. But his heart ached for Joey and as it became to hard to bear it any longer he decided to go back. Pacey stood on the deck of the cruiser an old photograph in his hand, one that showed him and her on the True Love laughing freely in the camera, nothing but blue sky and endless ocean behind them. It was all buckled and a little torn, because he had it in his wallet all the time, hidden so he didn't had to look at it every time he opened his wallet, but he used to fetch it the dark of the night oftentimes, just looked at it and wished nothing more than to be in her presence again, to feel her arms around him once again, to be back in that safe place that was her love, the only hiding place he'd ever known. And so he picked up the phone and called his father._

 _'I'll come back the moment we lay anchor, Dad. I just need to see her.' He said, his heart beating like crazy._

 _'She's with Dawson, Pacey.' His father said it, as if to tell him that it was raining in Capeside. It hit Pacey in the guts. He couldn't believe it, refused to. This was just not possible. It mustn't be. He felt sick to death, because he knew that she'd only flew into Dawson's arms because he'd dumped her. But wasn't Gretchen with Dawson? Hadn't she told him, if they'd broken up?_

 _'I'll come nonetheless.' Pacey said in a steady voice, not wanting his father to pick up the uncertainty in it. 'I need Joey to tell me face to face, that she's with him. That she doesn't want me anymore.' Pacey stood on deck of the cruiser and refused to believe it. His heart knew it couldn't be true, but what reason could his father possibly have to make up such a lie? He felt all dizzy and his hands were shaking, as he looked out at the calm sea that mirrored the fading light of the day._

 _'Pacey? I got to tell you something else boy and I wish I mustn't do it.' The voice of his father became most serious and Pacey wondered, why in seven hells he took so much interest in his life so suddenly. Pacey waited in silence for his father to continue._

 _'She's pregnant Pacey.' His father said matter of factly and Pacey felt like dying. All his insides clenched, his eyes widened and he felt suddenly sick, he wasn't able to breathe anymore. Was this, what she'd wanted to tell him the day of his phone-call? Could it be, that she wanted to tell him, that she was pregnant with his child? It would explain a lot, everything to be honest. And if so, why hadn't she told him so? Why hadn't she made him listen? Forced him to? But then again - he had cut her off last time they'd spoke, not giving her the chance, not to mention the time, to actually say anything._

 _'...it's Dawson's child, boy.' His father said and Pacey almost began to laugh, because he knew Joey. And he knew, that she was very reluctant when it came to intimacy. He couldn't believe, that she'd just thrown herself in that way in the arms of his sisters boyfriend, she just wasn't that type of girl. And he refused to believe, that she would take sex for comfort, because he was sure that she wasn't over him, like he wasn't over her - and wouldn't be for a long time. In fact he just didn't want to get over her, he wanted to hold her again, tell her he was sorry and beg her for a second chance and it was not due to his fathers story no matter if it was true or not. Because he wanted her back in his life, he just wasn't as good without her as he was with her in his life. And her having Dawson's child was laughable at the least, there just was next to no sexual tension between her and Dawson._

 _'No, Dad, that child can't be Dawson's child. It's just not possible.' Now he actually laughed out of relieve, because her being pregnant really just could mean only one thing - it had to be his child and he knew exactly when it had happened. 'It's mine Dad!' Pacey beamed. 'It has to be mine, because there was no other than me. I'll be back as soon as possible.'_

 _His father gave a rough laugh. 'Ha, and why did your sister break up with Dawson recently? Because he cheated on her with this so called "soul-mate" of his. Joey was finally free and you were gone, Pacey. And now she's expecting his child.'_

 _Pacey wagged his head in disbelieve. That couldn't happen. It was just not possible. Not fair. It had to be his child, it couldn't be Dawson's. It just mad no sense at all._

 _'No. Please tell me, you're just messing with me, Dad. Because what you're saying is just unbelievable.' Pacey couldn't help the shaking of his voice, nor could he stop his body from shaking._

 _'I'm sorry boy.' His father said. 'Just take that opportunity you'd been offered and forget about her. She's no longer waiting for you. She's just her fathers daughter it seems, a deceitful, treacherous little thing.'_

 _'Maybe you're right. I gotta go.' Pacey swallowed hard at the lump in his throat. For a second he thought about calling Joey, looking at her photograph, before he pocketed it into his wallet once again. Pacey felt utterly spent and like someone just laid his heart in heavy chains._

* * *

And so he turned to Audrey. Took the offer her stepbrother gave him and moved to Boston where he got employed at a big stock marketing firm. He was almost instantly successful and made more than one profitable deal. He became co-partner in less than a year. And with the success came money. More money than he'd ever dreamed he could posses and more money as he could spent. Pacey bought a car and that terrific maisonette flat, but refused to move in with Audrey. He started buying shares, played the stock marked himself and he just doubled and tripled and multiplied his money in the blink of an eye.

Well, yeah, he spent most of his day's, many nights and frequently his weekends in his bureau. But he loved it. He loved the rhythm that came into his life through his job. He loved the risk that came with playing the stock, he loved the smell of paper that surrounded him at work, the sound of voices on the line, filling the room along with the humming of running computers. Often he was one of the last one to leave. Rich fast became more than his boss. They planned deals, they attended parties, they charmed girls. And Pacey got him home to his wife safely every time. Never telling her about her husbands excesses, especially not the sexual ones.

The little free time he'd left, he spent with Audrey. She was funny, sexy, showy... and she was easy-going in bed. But she was demanding too and nothing he brought her, was ever enough to fulfill her desire for more, better, costier. And she drank too much, far too much and sometimes she reminded him almost painfully of his father. That was maybe the main reason they hadn't moved in together by now. This and the fact that Pacey knew, that would be the end of what ever it was they had. They would fall apart and even though his heart wasn't in it anyway, he just didn't want to let go of the fun they had together at times she was not drunk, not jealous and not in a bad mood for some reason. They used to spent Saturday nights together, eating in the best restaurants, attending business parties, having sex. Not the kind of tender love-making he'd once shared with Joey, but adventurous, sometimes really hard sex. They self-displayed themselves on business parties and Audrey waited every day for him to propose. Pacey was sick to death of attending all those parties and events, even time in bed became more and more boring and he knew the exact reason why. And the reason was, that the relationship they were in had become no more than a farce. Only still existing, because she was his bosses sister. And because they had good sex. Great sex actually. But she was as excessive as her brother, she used to drink far too much, she never wore the same dress twice and she crashed her cars like other people killed flies.

* * *

Pacey woke up with a start and it took him a moment to sort out, where he was and to figure out what woke him. But as he opened his eyes, he looked right into the little face of a girl, beaming at him.

'Morning Dada.' She said with a shy look in her beautiful blue eyes. She stood barefooted on his bedside, her rosy nightgown hung down to her knees and she hugged her teddy bear tight. His eyes switched to look at the bedside clock, just to find it was a quarter past seven, way after his usual time. Even if he rushed, he would never make it into the bureau. in time. And so he lifted his covers, to let Grace slip in. The little girl cuddled in beside him and let out a deep relieved sigh.

'Morning sunshine.' Pacey murmured sleepily. He wrapped his arms around her, and was surprised, that holding her felt so natural. Pacey closed his eyes and breathed her in and savored the peaceful feeling, that came along with her in his arms.

'What's your bears name?'

'Mister Ted.' Grace said and yawned.

Slowly and deep in thoughts he began to stroke her auburn hair and placed a kiss into it every now and then. He stayed like this for a long while and at some point Grace's breathing deepened and Pacey found himself drifting back to sleep although. But just as he felt the blissful heaviness of sleep coming over him, he heard someone climbing the stairs. Reluctantly Pacey opened his eyes, he just didn't wanted to leave this peaceful place. He wanted to stay here forever. It just felt like the most important thing to do. Just laying there and holding his daughter. That was the moment the sadness crushed back down on him. Because suddenly he remembered Joey struggling with death.

He swallowed as Grams appeared and waited on the stairway, her hands folded in front of her chest, watching Pacey and Grace sheltered from the world outside in their cocoon. A small smile graced her face as she saw the sleeping child in her fathers arms. 'Pacey? I don't want to interrupt.' She cleared her throat. 'I don't know anything about your job or anything for the matter of fact, but I just wanted to let you know, it's almost ten o'clock.'

Pacey's eyes widened but he withstood the urge to jump out of bed, get dressed and rush to work, instead he tightened his embrace around Grace. The world wouldn't stop turning, if he wouldn't attend work today.

'Maybe I can use you phone again? I have to sort out a few things later on, but right now I guess just being here is the only thing that matters.' He tried a smile but failed. 'This is, if my being here is okay with you.'

Grams just nodded. 'Yes Pacey. I'm just more than glad, that you're finally here. Feel free to stay as long as you want to. You're more than welcome to come and go as you can arrange it.'

'Thanks.' He said quietly while he held her eyes and she just nodded.

'Want to come down and have a coffee?'

Pacey pressed a kiss on his daughters head. 'Yeah. We'll be down in five.' He said while he hugged Grace again as the little girl stirred.

'Take all the time you need.' She turned but then stopped in her movement. 'Oh, there's a telephone up here as well. You can use it, I don't think Joey would mind.'

Pacey nodded an almost unnoticeable nod. As he looked around the room again and suddenly became painfully aware of the smallness of the chamber in which Joey and Grace lived all this time and it was almost unbearable to know, that they could have had everything and more if he had been with them.

The little girl turned and looked up at him.

'Dada sad?' She asked and raised a hand to touch his cheek. Pacey grabbed her hand and kissed it.

'A little, yes.' He nodded and kissed Graces forehead. 'But it will get better, now I'm with you.'

'Mommy's sad.' The girl said and her words cut deep into Paceys heart.

'I know, my little girl. But I'll promise you, I'll make her better, once she's awake.'

Grace beamed at him and nodded.

'I love Dada.' She said and he smiled.

'I love you too.' He said and realized, that it has been a long time since he'd actually said those words to anybody. 'Come now, Grace. We go down and have breakfast with Grams.'

She held up her arms to him and he lifted her up.

After they got up and had been in the bathroom, Pacey looked at the phone but decided to not pick it up. Because Rich sure as hell would be beside himself with rage and Pacey was absolutely sure, he wouldn't be able to beat it. Not today. Not after everything that had happened in the last thirty-six hours.

So he had breakfast with Grace and Grams. Pacey enjoyed having an actual breakfast instead of a coffee on the go and an apple in the car. They chatted and laughed and after they'd finished Grace began to play with the railway they'd built the day before. Grams and Pacey had another cup of coffee, while they watched her play. His whole life seemed to suddenly slow down and as it did he realized, that he'd needed it to, to see things clearer. And a quiet voice in his head whispered, that had he done so earlier, he would have been forced to see beyond his fathers lies. And as he thought about his father, the sudden force of his anger almost overwhelmed him.

He harrumphed. 'I guess I have to get started. Shall I take the two of you somewhere?'

Grams wagged her head and smiled at him. 'No, Pacey. Grace and I will play a little longer and then we'll go visit her mother.'

Pacey nodded and crouched down beside Grace, who looked at him with this big blue eyes of hers. 'Have a good day, sunshine. Hope I'll be back tonight, but if I'm not I'll be here tomorrow.'

'Dada stay.' She begged and reached out for him and so he picked her up and placed her onto his lap.

'Don't you fret, little one. I'll be back, I promise.'

'Grace'll come along.' He hugged her tight and his heart ached as he wagged his head.

'I'm sorry, baby girl. I have to sort a few things out, but as soon as I've done so, you can come along whenever you want.'

'Want now.' She whispered and as Pacey realized her teared up eyes he kissed her head again and held her for a while.

'I know you want to and I want nothing more than to take you, but really Grace, this time I have to go alone. I'll be back, for supper if I can arrange it and if not, I'll be here for breakfast.' He hugged her and felt her arms around his neck. 'I promise you, I'll be back as soon as I can. Give your mother a kiss for me, will you?'

'kay…' She said, but clung to him. It was the hardest thing to do, to get up and place her into Gram's waiting arms.

'See you soon. Thank you so much for everything.' Pacey looked at Grams and she gave him a little nod while she held the silently crying child, which was just too used to tears.

'There's Joey's key on the key holder, it's the one with the silver anchor. Just take it, so you can let yourself in every time you want.'

Pacey thanked her again, took the key and closed the door behind himself. As he got to his car and turned one last time towards the house, he saw Grams and Grace standing on the window. Grams was telling her something to stop Grace from crying. The child waved to him and as he waved back and threw her a kiss he just knew that he would come back, because this was where he belonged. Out of a reflex he grabbed his wallet, just to find that long forgotten photograph was still in it. He smiled a bitter-sweet smile as memories flew through his mind. Then he waved to his daughter one more time as he drove his car onto the street.

* * *

He stopped shortly at his flat, picked up his mobile, not surprised to find a hundred unanswered calls and many more messages and emails on it. But he didn't return any call and read none of the text's. Pacey just had a quick shower, in the meantime his mobile rang steadily. But for the first time in what felt forever, it just didn't bother him. He let it rang. As he finally stepped out of the shower, a towel loosely around his hips, he looked into the mirror and wondered who he'd become. The man looking back at him, fully bearded, a serious look in his eyes was as far from the guy that ran away for a summer with the girl he loved as the woman she'd become laying more dead than alive in that god damned hospital bed.

He let his head fall against the mirror and felt like screaming. This was just so unfair. It felt so wrong, that he'd finally found her once again, just to most likely loose her all over again. For real this time, without a chance to say all the things he wanted to say, to beg her for forgiveness, to tell her his heart has never forget about her. God he wanted her back so badly.

After he calmed down he clothed and packed a few into a bag along with his toothbrush. Quickly he checked his bank account, pleased as he found that Rich had transfered the money. After he'd done so, he left.

* * *

It was high noon as he was finally out of town and drove down the freeway. The late autumn sun hung deep in an ice-blue sky proclaiming cold days ahead. Hesitantly he quick dialed Rich's number and did it only, because he couldn't avoid doing so forever. The hands-free telephone rang only one time, before Rich picked up. It made Pacey smile, because he'd expected nothing less.

'Witter, where are you?' Rich yelled through the phone. 'I've expected you in six hours ago.'

'Well I'm not. In fact I just called to tell you, that I won't come in at all this week.' Pacey told him in a low and serious voice, totally unaffected by his partners outburst.

'You what?' Rich's voice over-tuned and Pacey could picture him standing up and leaning over his desk. 'You are coming in Witter. As in n-o-w!'  
'No, Rich, I'm not.' Pacey replied. 'I told you, I got family business to sort out.' And for the first time he was thankful for all his experience in buisness-talk he won over these last years. He knew, Rich couldn't talk him down, he would win, because he always did. This type of talk just wasn't Rich's pair of shoes, he expected each and everyone to just do as he commanded, Pacey for his part learned to talk people into everything _he_ wanted, without them noticing that in the end they agreed fully to his terms.

' _BioTech_ broke down tonight, Pacey. We really, really need you here.' His bosses voice had become low and Pacey's eyes widened. That was the last event that he'd expected. Pacey dove to the sideway and braked hard. 'What?' He felt hot and cold all at the same time. 'Would you say it again? I guess I didn't get you right.' Pacey stared at the hand-free kit and pick the phone out of it as he got out of the car, pacing up and down. 'It sounded as if you'd just said, _BioTech_ broke down. But that can't be it, now can it?' His head began to swim, because most of his clients had invested huge amounts of money in this share, it applied to be the safest share to investigate in, the same as he'd done. And he only had sold his shares yesterday, because he wanted to secure Joey's treatments. He stopped pacing at the front of his car and looked up, only then realizing, that he stopped at the "Welcome to Capeside"-sign he kissed Joey for real for the first time and he felt himself struggling with the urge to drive back to Boston as fast as he could and the need to see his father, his brother, Bessie…. Really badly.

'This is percicly what I said, Witter. _BioTech_ broke down and you have no idea what it is like in here. Especially because I sold _your shares_ yesterday… How could you possibly have known about the crash?'

'I… I didn't.' Pacey leaned against his car, one hand in his hair as he struggled with memories and realities.

'It doesn't matter anyway. Just get your ass in here asap!' Rich's voice was dangerously low by now, but Pacey forced himself to calm down. He let his hand fall down and looked out onto the creek and wagged his head decidedly.

'I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm not even in Boston right now.'

'Witter, I'm not asking you. I demand, that you come in. Like six hours ago.'

'I hear you, Rich, but I'm not coming in. I can't. I just, I can't. I get it, this sucks, but I just can't.' Pacey leaned with his back on the hood of his car and as difficult as he'd expected it to be, it was really the simplest thing to do. He just knew he had to do it and so he did it. And it felt like the first decision in years that was utterly his own.

'If you're not coming in today, there's no need for you to come back ever.' Rich tried to hold his composure, but Pacey could hear the deceiving tremble in his voice and found himself ginning over it.

'Are you firing me, Rich?'

'Yes Witter! Yes! This is exactly what I'm doing. I fire you.'

'Well, great! Thank you Rich.' Pacey said, while he felt as if suddenly the burden of the world had been taken from his heart and he felt like laughing. This sure was the best news since Saturday night.

'But Witter…!' Rich's voice sounded more than surprised. 'You can't…'

'Oh, but I do! Have a good day, Rich.' Pacey hung up and while he stood there, wondering what he wanted to do with his life now, his mobile buzzed again and without bothering, Pacey put it on courtesy mode and threw it into his trunk, before he continued his ride.

* * *

Only minutes later he stopped on the driveway to his parents house, surprised to find Gretchen's car stood there as well.

He got out of his car and entered his childhood house without hesitation. He looked into the kitchen and kissed his mother hello while he handed her the flowers he'd picked up along the way.

'Oh, Pacey, I hadn't expected you.' she looked at him most pleased and he hugged her tight and the urge to sit with her and just tell her everything, to let her motherly love and understanding lighten the burden was almost overwhelming. But he gave her a faked smile instead.

'I hadn't planned to come by but it turned out I had to. Is Dad at home?'

'Well yes. He's in the living room with Doug and Gretchen.' His mother smelled in their scent.

'Perfect.' Pacey nodded.

'Is everything okay, boy?' She asked with a slightly concerned look in her eyes.

'Yes mother.' He tried to reassure her and as she nodded Pacey made his way towards the livingroom door.

'Are you staying for lunch?' She spoke up once more, forcing him to stop in his movement.

Pacey turned. 'No mother, I think I'll be gone before you start.'

'But….'

They shared a look and suddenly her face fell as she covered her mouth with one hand wagged her head slowly.

'You know, don't you?' She asked, but Pacey just continued to look at her, the frustration almost unbearable and she surely found the answer there in his eyes. 'Your father, he… He just wanted what seemed the best for you. He didn't…'

Pacey swallowed hard and held one hand up, for her to stop talking, because he just couldn't stand her defending his father. 'Don't defend him, mother. Grace is your granddaughter.' His voice trembled. 'And what's best for me is my decision alone.'

'Please be kind with your father, he isn't well.' Her hands clung to the bouquet she was holding.

'I'll be as kind as he used to be to me before I got successful. I'm sure he can take it.' Pacey stopped as he felt her cold hand on his arm and saw her looking up to him with begging eyes. 'I need answers, mother. I just desperately need them. And I won't let him get away with this. He took away the only thing that mattered in my life. The only thing that made sense. The only person who always believed in me, even at times no one else did, even as I screwed everything up.' Pacey's voice was low. 'And as if that wasn't enough already, I found all of you conspiring with him. Even _you_?!' Pacey shook her hand from his arm and straightened himself. 'The only one who sowed doubt was Gretchen and even she fell silent over the time.' He swallowed hard. 'I'm sorry, mother.' With that he left her in the kitchen and stepped into the livingroom.

His father sat in his armchair laughing heartedly about something Doug had said, his sister was sitting alongside him on the couch. Gretchen laughed along with their father and Doug grinned, seemingly pleased with their reaction. Right up until he caught a silhouette standing in the door frame and as his eyes met Pacey's the grin on his face died.

'Pacey?' Doug stood and was by his side in an instant. The two of them had grown pretty close since that fishing trip. 'What happened?'

Pacey laughed humorless, never letting his eyes left his father. 'What happened? You ask me what happened?' He now stared at Doug with deadly eyes. 'I could as well ask all of you what the hell happened!' His whole body was shaking with anger and frustration. He felt like falling into a bottomless hole.

'I don't understand, son.' His fathers voice sounded into the room.

'I became a father…' Pacey said as calm as he could manage to be.

'But… why hadn't you told us about Audrey being preg-'

'I guess…' Gretch cut Doug off. 'He's not talking about Audrey.' Her eyes met Pacey's and she took a deep breath. 'You're not, now are you?' Her voice was low and sounded defeated and her eyes told him, she'd told him so a real long time ago.

'I'm talking about Joey.' Pacey fixated his father. 'You knew it was my child she carried. My daughter.' And even though he tried to keep his voice calm, it came out dangerously low as he stepped closer, his body still shaking. 'You knew it and yet you decided to tell me otherwise. You told me lies all those years.' He turned to Doug with fire in his eyes. 'And you did too. Nothing but lies! The only one who sowed doubt was Gretchen here, up until I got employed at Rinaldi's. Why?' He looked around. 'I trusted you all. More than I did trust myself. I had to rely on you, because I wasn't even here!' The anger seeped out of him and he felt utterly defeated and terribly sad. 'So why'd you deceived me?' And it was in that moment, a thought surfaced and it made him stumble. 'You knew about her accident too, didn't you? Didn't you?' He yelled the last words, because he just couldn't bear the stony silence anymore. 'You disgust me. All of you.'

'Pacey, calm down. Come sit with us and …' Doug tried to talk sense into Pacey but he just pointed at his brother.

'Don't you dare tell me, what I have to do. I am speaking with my father here.' And Pacey turned towards his father fully, saw him become smaller by the second as he looked at him. 'Why, Dad?' He waited a moment. 'Answer me for god's sake!'

'She was just not good for you boy. Look where you are now, you would never have been become as successful as you are now little Potter-girl. Most likely you'd earn your money by standing in some random kitchen, stirring in pots and chopping vegetables.' His father almost spat the words at him.

'But I could have been a father to my daughter. I could have been with the only woman I ever loved for real.' Pacey's voice was low now, he felt far more sorted than he had before.

'And now you have Audrey, you are co-partner in one of the biggest stock marketing firms and you got money to swim in. So whys that suddenly so important? My decision leveled the street to your success.'

'Yeah, sure, your decisions are always the best ones…' Pacey laughed an empty laugh. 'And money is all that really matters, now isn't it. I tell you something father, I got fired twenty minutes ago. I will dump that daft girlfriend of mine, whose only desire is my money and my dick.' He wagged his head in frustration as his father sharply sucked air in, obviously ready to gave him another lecture. 'And even more so, I will be with my daughter. And I will be there for Joey.'

'Little late for that.' His father laughed sarcastically. 'They pulled the pluck yesterday.'

Pacey wagged his head in pure disbelieve.

'You are well-informed. And I can not say that I'm sorry, but I have to tell you this: I paid the bill and I will continue to do so, until she ceases to breathe or decides to come back to me. Because this is the least I can do for her and I owe her this much.' Gretchen had tears in her eyes as she looked at Pacey and Doug just laid a hand on his shoulder in complete silence, because he knew how much Pacey had suffered after prom and all the time afterwards.

'But, why are you spending you money on a dying woman, boy? It's always the same with you, the instant you are with that silly girl, you lose your mind.' His father sipped on his beer and Pacey felt the urge to punch him right into his self-satisfied smile.

'That's enough, father!' Doug interrupted, surprised that Pacey had somehow managed to keep his composure, even though every muscle in his brother body was strained.

'Yes Doug, you're damn right it is.' Pacey's voice was trembling, but low. 'And you...' he pointed at his father. '...can be thankful, that I don't just punch you right in the face. I'll be going now, please don't bother following me. I can't guarantee for your safety if you'll do' He felt the tears again, this time out of frustration, but he swallowed them down, not willing to let them run free in front of his father.

'I'm sorry Pacey…' Gretchen's voice was low but Pacey just wagged his head as he looked from Gretchen to Doug and to his mother, standing silently crying in the doorway.

'Neither of you.' With this he turned and got out of this house, that seemed to crush him to death. As the door thudded shut behind him, Pacey took a deep breath and with one last glance over his shoulder he got into his car. Not sure if he would ever come back to this house ever again in his life.

 **Liked it? Hated it? Please leave me a review, I really crave them, now more than ever.**


	5. CH4 - Desicions II

_Hi guy's,_

 _here's the next part. I really hoe that there will be at least one more update before Christmas. So, please keep up the amazing reviews. They keep me motivated more than you could possibly imagine!_

 _I'll like to thank all of you for the continued support, most of all my regulars. You are the best!_

 _This is a little shorter than the last one, but I hope you'll like it nonetheless._

 _Please let me know what you think!_

 _Yours,_

 _Yana_

 **Incomplete**

\- Chapter 4 -

Decisions, part two

Pacey found himself on the Capeside docks at the exact spot the True Love used to lay. The hands deep in the pockets of his coat. The early November breeze unexpectedly cold out by the water. And it was then and there he realized just how much he missed her. How he longed to be back on that boat again - back in 1999. Holding her in his arms under the starry sky on a warm summers night, the soft waves tenderly caressing the ship's planks. But his ship foundered in the first autumn storm right after their magical summer. And back then it felt as if it took a part of him with it. The best part of him. And of her. She'd saved him that night, even though she knew without the slightest doubt, that she could have easily died there with him. She took the risk nonetheless and he knew he'd done nothing less. Oh yes, she had been terrified. He saw it, as they were safely back on the shore. She'd clung onto him for dear life. She had been afraid of losing him, because he hadn't been willing to leave his boat, but as she threatened she would stay there with him rather than to leave him, he left with her and Joey never let go of his hand the whole way home. She surely saw his tears, even if all the others mistook them for raindrops. She was the only one who knew what this ship meant to him and not only because he'd fixed it with his own hands, but because of the memories they'd made on board that boat.

And now it was as if their places had been interchanged. But there was no boat which he could sail through thunder and storm, through night and danger to bring her safely back to the shore. No way for him to reach out for her, holding her hand and lovingly urging her to abandon the sinking ship. There only was this lingering death lurking out of every corner in that god damned hospital room. This was just so unfair.

* * *

After a while he got up and into his car again, because wallowing in self-pity wasn't helpful at all. Few minutes later he parked in front of the Potter B & B. A place he'd helped building, after the Ice House burnt down. Just being here brought back so many memories, it almost overwhelmed him. He found memories of her in every corner. Everywhere he looked he saw her.

 _With a scarf in her hair, laughing while she painted the houses wall plain white, causing the paint to sputter white freckles onto her face. She turned and beamed at him, as he was sawed_ _some wood. Their eyes met and they lost themselves for a moment in each other's eyes. He felt all warm. Pacey remembered her looking at him with so much affection, it almost physically hurt him to remember her so alive but knowing she struggled for every breath. He saw her sitting at the dock looking out the Creek. Remembered how he'd taught her to drive. Remembered the night she'd asked him to carry her up the stairs, because she was too drunk to walk up the stairs by herself, and even if he'd said he would only carry her half way he carried her all the up. He saw her standing on the porch on a snowy Thanksgiving evening, smilingly waiting for him to pick her and Bessie up. And surely he remembered that particular summer day. As she tried to chase him down through the garden with a bucket full of water in her hand, until he turned and caught her by total surprise and spilled the water over them both, leaving them both totally soaked and wildly laughing on the meadow. He lay above her and stroked her wet hair from off her face and suddenly the laugh faded, just to make place for the most passionate look in her eyes, causing him to kiss her with so much longing that they ended up making love right there, in the middle of the day in the backyard of the B & B desperately needing to be as close as possible, and this was the moment they made Grace. Because neither of them thought about a condom. Joey had been on the pill for quite some time by then and so they hadn't had to bother about condoms for month. But Joey just had have a stomach flu and so they weren't safe. As he remembered her laying there in the aftermath of orgasm, smiling at him with rosy cheeks and the most beautiful smile, stroking his cheeks and kissing him tenderly he suddenly remembered how it felt to be in love with that astonishing girl and the woman she became._

 _He knew, why Andie never managed to get under his skin, why she never had been interesting enough for him to start something with her, even at times Joey was far off his reach. And why Audrey never got him as well and truly as she thought she had…. Because no girl had ever managed to be as magical as Joey had been, to smile as bright as she did, to laugh as beautiful with eyes sparkling like pure sunshine and to always be there when he needed her the most, without being asked, every time knew exactly what to say and how to be there without making him feel small. Pacey remembered her looking at him with so much affection, it almost physically hurt him to remember her so alive but knowing she struggled for every breath._

'Pacey? Pacey is this you?' He startled as he suddenly realized a face looking into his window. 'Oh my god, it really is you.' Bessie placed a hand over her mouth and Pacey got out of the car. She stood there, staring at him with unbelieving eyes and obviously totally caught by surprise. She tightened her thin cardigan closer around her body. She'd become thin.

'Hi Bessie.' He looked at her, not entirely sure what to say or how to behave. But standing here, facing Joey's sister, just was too much to bear. He cleared his throat and searched for the right words to say, but absolutely nothing came to mind and so he shrugged helplessly. 'I… I'm sorry, Bessie.' His words a mere whisper. 'I really, really, really am sorry, I… I just… I didn't know about any of it and…' He hadn't realized the tears that slowly ran down his face. He just felt like breaking down as he stood there, looking at the only person who had the right to condemn him, but also the only one who could understand his need to be forgiven.

'I know, Pacey.' Bessie said in a choked voice, tears shining in her eyes as well, something Pacey had never seen before. And she opened her arms to him and he let her embrace him, feeling the same need to hold her close.

'I'm so sorry.' He whispered in her hair, tears streaming down his face unstoppable.

Bessie tightened her embrace and nodded. 'I'm glad you're finally here, Pacey.'

Pacey let out a relieved sigh and hadn't he been as despaired as he was, he'd probably started to laugh, because the least he'd expected was her offering him her forgiveness freely.

'Wanna come in?' She asked him after a while, wiping over her eyes, But Pacey shook his head.

'No, but thanks Bessie. I really just wanted to come by and let you know, I'll take care of everything she needs.' Bessie smiled a little sad smile.

'Thanks, but… You know, there really is not much hope left.' And he could tell she was fighting with tears again.

'I refuse to let hope forsake me, because hope is really all we have left, am I right?'

She swallowed and nodded. 'Well, yes you are. Thanks for coming by. Your being back means so much, maybe you're the one who's able to lure her out of her "Sleeping Beauty"-sleep.' She took a deep breath. 'Well, if you don't want to come in, I'll go grab myself a coat and be back in five. Care for a slice of Bodie's delicious cinnamon-cake?'

Pacey nodded. 'Yeah, that'll be great.'

Bessie smiled and turned around. As he watched her leave, her words rang through his mind. And all the symbols that came with it. He wondered if it was true, if she really waited for her prince, but than again, that was no fairy tale and him kissing her wouldn't change anything. As much as he might wish he could just step into her room, kiss her and everything would be alright, she just would open her eyes and take him back after all the time he spent ignoring and avoiding her on purpose.

'So, back again.' Bessie seemed a lot more sorted than she had a few minutes ago as she reappeared, with a tray in her hands. She placed the tray with two slices of cake and two cups with hot chocolates on the garden table. She grabbed two blankets from a container that stood nearby and motioned him to sit on the garden swing seat. Pacey placed the blanket over his legs and slurped on his hot chocolate, instantly feeling like the ten year old boy again, that used to seek shelter in the Potter-house, in the unconditional motherly love, that seemed to be enough for everyone. She used to bring him hot chocolate every time he flew here. He used to sit in that exact spot and she used to come, sit with him, seldom asking him anything, because she already knew the answers. Oh, how he missed her advice, had missed it ever since she died. Pacey's hands cupped the hot bowl as he looked out to the Creek for a long while his eyes on the blue row-boat that once belonged to Joey.

'I miss her, Bessie.' Pacey finally broke the silence as he remembered her rowing this exact boat up and down the Creek hundreds and hundreds of times.

'Yeah, I miss her too.'

'I never ceased to, I just forgot about it.' He whispered.

Bessie began to laugh and looked at him sideways. 'Yeah Pacey, she did miss you too, but she never, not even for a heartbeat, forgot about it. She told me whenever we met, every time we called, how much you were missed in her life. How she longed for you to be part of everything. How she used to kiss your photograph before going to sleep. And I believe she would have exchanged everything for you. Quite literally. Even if she wanted everyone to think, she was better, really she still hurt like the first day. Yeah, she smiled more often and even was happy sometimes. But there was always this bittersweet sadness wafering around her.' She fell quiet for a moment and looked out to the Creek, before she met his eyes again. 'Did you know, that Grace is named Witter?'

Pacey wagged his head, couldn't believe it. 'What?'

'She named her after you, so Grace would always know, without a doubt, who her father was.' Bessie smiled sadly. 'Your family doesn't know about it though. Your father threatened her, that he would report her for defamation and she wouldn't stand a chance would she claim any alimony's.' She wagged her head and laughed sadly. 'That was never her intention at all. Just so you know.'

Pacey closed his eyes for a moment, as he felt the guilt claiming his heart again. He didn't know what to say to this. There weren't any words he could possibly think of, that would express in the slightest what he felt and the urge to apologize for his father was almost overwhelming. But instead of doing so, he wagged his head again. 'Bessie, may I ask you something?'

'Sure. Shoot.' She said, while leaning backwards.

'Would you please tell me why she left Capeside in the first place?' He turned a little so he could look into her eyes.

Bessie held his eyes for a short moment, before she wagged her head. 'You don't wanna know, Pacey. Really, you don't!' She broke eye contact and a sick feeling bubbled up inside him. He got the bad feeling, this was somehow related to his family as well.

'But I do. I need to know.' He begged but she shook her head more determined this time. 'Please, Bessie.'

'Are you sure you want to know?' Bessie raised a brow and folded her arms in front of her chest.

'Yes! Absolutely.'

'As your father got wind of her pregnancy, he tried to force her to abort the baby. But she refused to.' Bessie said as calm as she could possibly manage to but her words hit him hard. He'd expected a lot of thing, but this was more than even his father could be able to do. Him trying to talk Pacey out of this relationship, telling him lies to so so, was something Pacey expected, but this?

'He _what_?' It left him speechless as he stared at Bessie, who watched him with empty eyes. Not even anger left to be seen there.

'He wanted her to have an abortion and as she refused, he threatened to stop the credit for the B&B.'

Pacey stared at her, one hand in his hair. This couldn't be true. It mustn't.

'And as none of his threats seemed to work, he spread lies about who the father was. So in the end, as she couldn't cross the street without being called a whore for cheating on you with your friend, the moment you turned your back on her - even though she hadn't - she packed her bags and moved in with Grams.'

'I can't believe that.' Pacey shook his head in utter disbelief. 'But why in all the world would he do such a thing?'

Bessie shrugged. 'Because he'd never wanted you to be with this girl from the wrong side of the Creek. He never wanted his son, the sheriff's son even if it was the least favorite one, with the daughter of a criminal. The girl from the wrong side of the Creek.' Her voice got a bitter touch and it made Pacey feeling even worse, because he knew his father and he knew how he could be. 'And you not being around while she became more and more obviously pregnant was the best chance for him to drive you two apart. Even more so, as you'd dumped her yourself in front of everyone.'

Pacey had just no words for what he'd heard but maybe, there was just nothing left to say.

After a long period of silence Bessie laid one hand on his.

'Would you promise me something, Pacey?'

He nodded. 'Anything.'

'Please don't go to her if you're just about to leave her again. I know you're about to marry this woman you met that summer. I never told Joey about her, because she always hoped that you would magically reappear into her life. So please, don't visit her, because… I don't think she'll survive it.' Bessie swallowed. 'Quite literally.'

Pacey wagged his head. 'I've no intention of marry anyone. And even more so, I've no intention of leaving your sister again.' He tried a smile but failed. 'This is, if she still wants me by the time she wakes up.' He said it in what he hoped was a lighthearted tone, but in fact that was his greatest fear. Because he felt himself falling for her as helplessly as he'd done all those years before, even before she acknowledged him, long before they became actual friends. And he was just so afraid, that she would open her eyes and asking him to leave and never to come back again.

* * *

As he drove back a good out later, he took a deep shivering breath, knowing there was one more thing that needed to be settled, before he would be able to go on. And even though he didn't wanted to face her, to have this confrontation, he knew he would have to face it sooner or later and Pacey decided to go with the now. So he parked in front of her house nonetheless, instead of getting right back to his daughter.

Slowly he stepped the few stairs up until he stood in front of the heavy wooden door. He hesitated only a short moment before he let himself in with his own set of keys. Inside he smelled her heavy perfume mixed with the smell of take away Chinese food and thick cherry, most likely originated from a perfumed candle. Pacey closed the door quietly behind himself, placed his keys into it's usual place and walked into the living room. Pacey stopped in the doorway, looked into the room and was not the slightest bit surprised to find her with a bottle of red wine, some crisps and the empty take-away boxes on the sofa, the TV playing some soap opera he didn't knew the name of.

Sensing someone behind her, Audrey turned her head and her eyes widened in happy surprise as she saw him. 'Pace.' She smiled a drunk smile at him as she placed the bottle on the table and turned the TV out. She turned her head backwards again, obviously waiting for him to kiss her, but he just remained standing in the doorway, his jacket still on. His hands deep in its pockets, as played with his mobile.

'Audrey.' He greeted her and as she came up to him through the room, slightly stumbling. She disgusted him. Audrey came up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and the thick smell of too much alcohol wavered around him like a cloud and it made him sick. Pacey pushed her away and turned his head so she couldn't kiss him.

'Please Audrey, don't. It is ridiculous.'

'Ridiculous? Me wanting to kiss my boyfriend is ridiculous?' She began to laugh hysterically, but she let go of him. 'You call me ridiculous? If one of us is, it's you.' She pointed at him with something like fierce fear in her eyes. 'You're chasing a ghost, Pacey!' He let his words roll off his back. It was like he'd disconnected from her. She leaned over to him and her voice was dangerously low as she continued: 'Is she worth getting fired?'

'Yes, Audrey, she is.'

'Why? Is this crippled girl better in bed than me? Will you try?' Again she laughed and Pacey somehow managed to remain calm. She was drunk and so he could try to not held against her what she was saying.

'This has nothing to do with sex, Audrey. Even if it's something you can't understand.' He hold her eyes.

'She's dead already, Pacey. Don't you see? But I am not. I am alive and warm and I'm waiting for you to fill me.' Pacey grabbed her wrists to hold her on distance, as she reached out for him.

'How do you even know about her?' He asked, his voice trembling, his eyes small.

'I ran her over that night, Pacey.' She said and then she began to giggle and that giggle bore the most horrible laugh. 'I did.'

'You what?' His eyes widened and his voice high-pitched 'But why would you do something like that?' In the back of his head he knew, he'd suspected something like that, but hearing her say it out loud, just spitting it in his face. Out of some reflex he turned his cellphone on record with his right hand that was still in his pocket along with his phone. Something he'd learned from Doug and maybe it was the officer's son he was raised to be.

'I ran her over, Pacey.' She looked into his eyes and the sincerity in hers was almost too much to bear. 'Because she came into the company that day and asked me about you.' She grinned a self-satisfied grin, as she took another deep gulp of wine. 'She mistook me for your secretary I guess. No wonder she did, I came right out of your bourau, after you'd fucked me onto your desk really hard.' And with a dismissing wave of her hand she added: 'I guess you remember.' She smiled at him sultry and it made him sick to the bones, because he remembered all too well. And he remembered, that she came back not only ten minutes later and finished him off with her mouth. Then he wondered what it was about, but now it all made perfect sense.

'She said "Hi, I'm Josephine Potter, I'm searching for Pacey Witter, could you please show me to his office?"' Audrey imitated Joey pretty good and Pacey could almost picture her standing in the company, right outside his office. 'She had this little girl with her. Such a sweet girl, with wild black hair and eyes just as blue as yours.' She smiled and began to laugh again. Pacey tightened the grip on her wrist, as his stomach clenched. She knew. Audrey knew about Grace!

'You knew about Joey having a child and you ran her over nonetheless?' Pacey asked, breathlessly.

'No, no, no, Pacey - the other way around. I ran her over _because_ she had a child and even more so, not _any_ child…' The smile died on her face instead she stared at him with the most evil look in her eyes. '...but _yours_!'

Pacey gasped. 'Are you completely insane, Audrey?' His voice was low, not more than a breathless whisper. He let go of her wrist and ran his hands through his hair. Not able to believe what he heard.

'I had to do it, Pacey, don't you see?' She looked at him, her eyes as desperate as her voice. 'I knew you would leave me for her. You always used to say, that she was the only girl you ever truly loved. You never once said "I love you, Audrey". Not once! The most trivial things seemed to remind you of her and it was like her ghost was with you even if you didn't acknowledge it, even pretend to not think of her at all. But you did! I saw it in your eyes. But then again, maybe you didn't even know about it at all.' She looked into his eyes. 'But I hoped you just needed more time. I so hoped, I could someday be enough for you. And after our cruise I thought that you were ready. That my patient waiting for you would finally pay off.' She paused.. 'That would finally ask me to marry you. And then suddenly she stood there, with this child by her side that was so obviously yours…. I just knew, the moment you would lay eyes on her, seeing this cute little girl, you would instantly know it was yours, because everyone who knew about you with her could see it… You would turn around and dump me within a heartbeat, because even if she wouldn't have you back, you would want to be free for her. And even worse, you most likely would realize, that you loved her all the way long..' She looked at him with teary eyes and he knew it was true. That every word she'd said was true. But he couldn't help it. He hadn't been able to marry her. To even ask her to move in with him. Because he wasn't in it, hadn't been for a long time. At least not enough to vow to be hers for life.

 _It had been a beautiful day on the open water. Pacey stood on deck of his beautiful brand new sailing yacht. The tottering of the sails in the wind was like music in his ears. THe sunset was picturesque. He had his arms around Audrey from behind. The wind played tenderly with her long blond hair and her knee long skirt played around her legs. Pacey found himself thinking about another girl for the first time in a long time. A girl, he had forgotten about, but the wind brought back all those bittersweet memories._

' _Pacey?' Her voice broke the moment._

' _Yes, babe?' He answered with a croaky voice, while he closed his eyes and pressed a halfhearted kiss into her hair._

' _Why won't you marry me, Pacey? Or at least move in with me?' She'd asked him in a whispering voice. Pacey turned her around and took a hold on one of her hands and with the other he caressed her cheek._

' _Because I can't, Audrey.'_

' _Don't you love me?' Her eyes held his and he took a deep breath._

' _Honestly I don't know, beautiful. I once loved a woman. I fell deeper in love with her every second she was around me. I couldn't stand not being in her presence. I never found that kind of love again and I won't marry you, if I feel like I can't give you all of my heart, because it's not fully healed. Because it's not completely yours.' Pacey's heart beat a sad rhythm as he watched her eyes cloud over, but he knew he couldn't marry her, because his heart had another magnetic north. And he would never love another woman like he'd loved her._

Pacey knew he would have left her in a heartbeat. He didn't know, what he had said to Joey, would she have stepped in his office that day, especially not after all the action there had been only moments before. He didn't know how he'd reacted, it has been his working place after all. But he was sure, without any doubt, that he'd dumped Audrey that very day.

Audrey swallowed as she watched him. 'And so I followed her. I waited for her outside of "Hell's Kitchen". Hour after hour. First I just wanted to talk to her, but as I kept waiting, it became clearer, that talking just wouldn't surfice. It wouldn't help. And I knew what I had to do. I saw her friends leave the bar, but she didn't come. At some point I figured, I must had missed her. So I started the motor to leave as suddenly she got out of that bar.' Pacey held his breath. 'And then everything seemed to happen at once and at the same time, I saw everything so clear. Like I was caught in slow motion… I accelerated, heading straight towards her. A cap stopped and some man got out of the car. He leaned casually on the roof of the cap, something about him was familiar, but I don't know what it was. He called her name. She stopped right there on the street,' Audrey's eyes had lost their focus and Pacey grabbed the backrest of the sofa, so he wouldn't stumble as he listened to the story this woman he didn't know anymore told him. He almost could picture the scene. 'She turned and beamed at him. He yelled her name again as he saw my car, but she didn't notice me. I just accelerated some more and then…. I just ran her over, Pacey. I thought she was dead for sure, but as it turned out she wasn't.'

'You are completely insane! You must have drowned your brain in some cheap bottle.' Pacey couldn't believe it.

Audrey sobbed by now. 'And now you're going to leave me and even worse, you're going to hate me.'

'You're damn right with both, Audrey.' He held himself together as he watched her crumble before his eyes. 'And I will report you. And it won't be coming cheap. Because both, my father and my brother owe me one. And even if they didn't, you almost killed someone on purpose.' He swallowed. 'Goodbye Audrey.'

* * *

With this he left. He felt utterly defeated. On his way he called the cops and voice-mailed his brother.

And he had the first real look on the cell phone's display for since he tossed it in the trunk hours ago. Why he'd picked it up as he got into her house he couldn't say, maybe it had been some kind of foreshadowing.

Pacey's heart skipped a beat or two, as he realized there had been a couple of calls from the hospital.

He called back with shaking hands and he hoped desperately that she wasn't gone. That he wouldn't be too late again.

'Boston City Hospital, Nurse Mary Lee on the line. How may I help you?'

'Hi, Name…' Pacey cleared his throat, surprised by the force of fear, that took claim of his heart. 'Name is Pacey Witter. There had been a few calls from your ward. I guess it's something to do with Josephine Potter…' He forced himself to calm down, but instead his whole body began to shake and it was not entirely due to the cold evening.

'Oh. Uhm… yes.' He heard her switching through some papers. 'Ah, yes. Well, there had been some serious heart rhythm disturbances over the course of the day.' She fell silent and Pacey felt like falling into a bottomless hole.

'And what does it mean exactly?' He heard himself asking, feeling dump as he did so.

'Why don't you just come in, and I'll explain it to you?'

Pacey thought about Grace for a second, but he decided, that Joey was more important right now,

'I'll be in as soon as possible.' He said and hang up. And for the first time, maybe the first time ever, he found himself praying to whatever might there was, to save her. To not let her die but to bring her back to him.

* * *

About twenty minutes later he opened the door to her hospital room. His heart beat like crazy, it was just the strangest feeling, looking at her laying there like that. He refused to believe, that he would get used to it, because there was nothing he would hate more than to get used to her laying there and slowly fading into death. And knowing, that Audrey caused this, because Joey had been stubborn and clever enough to find him, almost made it impossible to breathe.

'Mister Witter. A moment please?' The nurse tapped him on the shoulder and he turned.

'Mary Lee, we talked before. ' She was young and cute, her brown eyes sparkling despite the serious look on her face.

Pacey nodded.

'Miss Potter hadn't been all that well today, as I said.'

'Yesh, I remember you saying something like that.' He whispered, as if he didn't want Joey to listen in. And really, he didn't. So he pushed the nurse out of the room and closed the door silently behind him.

'And what does it mean?' He asked breathless, fretful, his heart aching with every beat.

'We couldn't figure out yet.' She looked at him sympathetically. 'Could be that her body finally gives in, it had been five month after all. But it could be a sign of her struggling to finally wake up.' She smiled at him as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 'I won't give you any prognosis, but this is the strongest reaction we monitored since she came here all that time ago.' She gave him an encouraging nod. 'Either way, I believe it will be good for her if you spent some time here.'

He nodded. 'Thanks.' And he desperately hoped that it was the second case. Quietly he got back into her room and closed the door. Pacey walked through the room, while he took his jacket off.

Pacey tried to keep his anxiety out of his voice, but he couldn't get rid of the trembling as he stood beside her bed.

'Hey there Jo.' He laid his hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead, almost instantly the beeping of her heart monitoring machine beeped more regularly. He smiled as he pressed his forehead against hears. 'Have you been waiting for me?' He whispered. 'I promised you I would be back, now didn't I?' He took her hand and without even noting it, he threaded his fingers through hers, because it was just the natural thing to do. Meanwhile he pulled the chair towards him with one foot.

'Thanks for your book, by the way. Jen gave it to me, but I didn't get very far, because… Well.' He cleared his throat, surprised by the sting of tears, but he swallowed them down. 'I guess I'm little "emotionally retarded" as you'd put it somewhere along senior year.' He took a deep breath. 'God, I miss you Joey.' He watched her breathing and each time she paused between inhaling and exhaling, he feared it would be the last breath she took.

After what felt like eternity he took another deep breath. 'I have been in your room yesterday.' He chuckled. 'In fact I slept on your bed.' He paused. 'Hope you don't mind. Well.' He fell silent while he stroke her hand and he just wished that she would show any reaction, but she didn't. Only her heart beat regularly and her breath came slowly and deep.

'I have to admit, I was a little overwhelmed with all the stuff you'd kept and… I brought something I found in your room, I hope it'll be okay.' He grabbed the copy of Moby Dick and opened the book. 'I just guessed, you'll like me reading to you. I just hope it'll make you wake up this time, instead of deepen your sleep.'

He looked at the letters and swallowed. Because what he was about to read reminded him almost painfully of himself.

'Moby Dick or The Whale. Written by Herman Melville' He read and it brought tears to his eyes as he continued, because really there was nothing else he wished for but for her to open her eyes. To come back to him. 'Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having a little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on the shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world…'

And as he kept on reading, the world outside got swallowed up by the night and the first November rain washed over it.

 **Please leave me a review. They make me smile and they are the biggest motivation after all.**

PS: I don't own anythin DC-related, and Moby Dick neither :-)


	6. CH 5 - Changes

_Hey guy's,_

 _I really wanted to get this up before Christmas and obviously I've made it :-) I originally wanted to have this split in two, but in the progress I decided that it works fine like it is. So, I really, really hope you like it. Please let me know what you're thinking. It's always the greatest motivation._

 _If you feel something's missing, so please feel free to tell me so - I can add scenes easily._

 _Thanks to Eva, Angel and Mallory (hope to read some of yours soon as well ^^) for always, ALWAYS being great!. Thanks to Sienna, blz7, hawaiianaloha808, Pawy, kenzie1027, Brook-Lucas-Fan 23, Elisabeth, kate617, LoVePJandBrucasLover, Lynn21, hope (you can review in German if you'd like too - I live there myself ^^), Carty74 and all the guests that reviewed, each of your reviews made my day, so please keep them coming!_

 _A merry Christmas to all of you and a happy new year,_

 _Yana_

 **Incomplete**

 **\- Chapter 5 -**

 **Changes**

Pacey woke with a startle as he felt a hand on his shoulder and with a truly painful crick in his neck. He hadn't noticed, that he'd actually fallen asleep at all. The last page of the book he'd read the night before still open on his lap, his hand still intertwined with hers. He let out a deep breath, as he felt the heaviness of exhaustion and sadness crashing down on him again with such force it almost took his breath away.

''Maybe you should take a break?' The nurse gave him a deeply concerned glace.

'I can't leave her…' He watched her breathing as he has done most of the night, listening to her steady heartbeat and wagged his head. He couldn't leave her.

'You spent the whole night sitting here, reading and watching over her. Your neck must be sore at the least and you really look exhausted.' She knelt down in front of him and laid a comforting hand on his leg. 'She's all better. I promise, she won't go anywhere. Go, grab yourself some coffee and half an hour of fresh air. Then come back and sit here all you want.'

'But…'

'Really, I need to freshen her up anyway.' She insisted, but Pacey just continued to stare at Joey. He couldn't leave her - he literally wasn't able to stand up and walk out that door. And so, instead of get up he held her hand tighter. Suddenly he was afraid, mortified that would he leave, she would just die on him. He swallowed at the lump in his throat, but he felt the tears sting his eyes again.

'I can't…' Pacey whispered, never letting his eyes leave the beloved woman on that white bed.

The nurse forced his gaze away from Joey. 'She won't die, nothing will happen, I promise!' She nodded, as if to emphasise her words. 'Now go.' Her voice was soft, but prompting nonetheless. So, reluctantly, he stood and slowly stepped on her bedside, placing her hand on her chest.

'I'll grab myself some coffee and be back before you know it, okay?' He whispered as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead. Pacey closed his eyes, desperately wanted to tell her how much he still loved her, how much he longed for her to open her eyes and just look at him. But as he know that wasn't about to happen, he let go of her hand and for a short moment he thought her hand was holding onto his, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. 'I'll be back, I promise.' And with that he left the room.

* * *

 _Everything was hazy. Like mist everywhere around her. No light made it's way through the heavy fog and the darkness closed in on her._

 _There had been a light earlier. For the first time, there had been the glimpse of something beyond and a voice had surrounded her. A voice that made her warm for the first time in what felt like forever. A familiar voice, long time unheard but never forgotten. She remembered his face and she wanted to see him again, wanted nothing more than to open her eyes and finally look at him again._

 _But she was afraid. She was afraid, that he would disappear the moment she did. Once upon a time, she'd used to dream about him. And those dreams had taught her one thing: He wouldn't be there, when she woke._

 _But somehow this was different. She imagined that he held her hand, because her hand was the source of this sudden warmth that spread through her body and soul. Unexpectedly she felt him letting go and she'd desperately tried to hold onto his hand, but obviously she hadn't the physical strength to do so, and suddenly the warmth was gone and the darkness closed in on her again. But this time it was harder to bear, because she'd seen the light again and felt the warmth only life could bring. But then again - he was gone - like it always had been, and without him, there was nothing for her._

 _...she felt herself letting go, her heartbeat slowing down and misty hands reaching out for her..._

* * *

Pacey had grabbed said coffee and somehow he found himself in the hospitals "Room of Quiet". He sat in one of the wooden banks and watched the colorful light spots on the walls. God, how he longed for some peace. He sat there for a long, long time, his coffee long cold, as suddenly someone sat down beside him.

'Are you okay?'

Pacey wagged his head, because really, what was there to prove. He wasn't okay and he wouldn't be.

'Thought so. Look, the nurse told us you'd been gone for at least two hours by now and she worried.'

Pacey's eyes widened. Two hours?! He hadn't noticed the time passing so quickly, he'd just lost himself in the peaceful silence he found here. Slowly Pacey turned his head and looked directly in Jacks doleful brown eyes.

'I have to go.' Pacey whispered but Jack shook his head.

'I guess what you need is a breakfast.'

'Really Jack, I promised…'

'Yeah, you were always quite good at that.' Jack bit his lip, he hadn't meant for this comment to pass his lips, but he wasn't able to hold it back. Pacey had in fact promised a lot in the past and little he'd held.

'I know, I fucked it up Jack. You don't need to rub it in my face.' Pacey suddenly felt all angry at Jack for so many reasons, most importantly because he was just so angry at himself. He took a deep breath and stood. 'I really have to go now. Thanks for finding me anyway,' With this he left.

* * *

Only minutes later he reentered Joey's room. God, he was exhausted and he felt just so frustrated. But he tried to wipe away those feelings. With a small smile on his face he stepped on her side and pressed a tender kiss on her forehead.

'Hey my sweet Jo.' He whispered and placed a hand on her cheek. 'I just wish you would wake up, so I could look into your eyes once more.' For a long moment he stared at her, as if he could somehow will her to wake up. Pacey lowered his head, so his forehead rested on hers. For a moment he closed his eyes before he opened them again. 'God I miss you, Jo.'

He slumped on the armchair he sat on the whole night and took a tender hold of her hand. So he remained, just looking at her. He didn't know what to say, didn't even know what to feel, he just was.

Suddenly Pacey heard the door open and so he turned, expected to see Grace and Grams enter. Instead Jack and Jen stood in the doorway a slightly sheepish look on their faces, a tray with coffey's and bakers bags in their hands.

'So, we…' Jack stated, clearly unsure of what to do or how to behave. Jen took his hand and smiled at Pacey.

'Well, we thought you need some breakfast and as you're obviously not about to get something by yourself, we decided to get it for you.' She walked towards the table and placed the bag and the tray on it, then turned and placed a kiss on Joey cheek. 'Hey hon. how are you this morning?' She shared a conspiratorial look with the sleeping woman. 'I hear you spent the night with Pacey…' She wagged her eyebrows, throwing Pacey a look and he chuckled and it felt good. Suddenly he realized, that for them it was nothing new. They were used to handle Joey like she was now. Seeing Jen with her like this, did him good. 'I hope you don't mind us having breakfast with your man here. He just seems a little forlorn and he needs to eat. And I just guess he could use a slightly more communicative company here than you're willing to provide.' She nudged Joey's nose and smiled at her, before she turned to the Pacey and Jack. 'Breakfast boys?'

Pacey nodded thankfully and he felt utterly relieved, that his friends were here. Jack nodded, but greeted Joey first as warm as Jen had only moments earlier.

Pacey sat with Jen on the round table and as he sat down he noticed the sun that shone through the window for the first time. He closed his eyes for a short moment, before he opened them again and looked at her.

'Thanks for coming 'round. I guess I….' He swallowed hard and tried to keep his composure. 'I just guess, I…'

'Needed company?' Jen offered while she placed a friendly hand on his and he felt the tears building up again and he just hated it. He had never been one to be prone to tears, but this was just more than he could possibly take. So, instead of saying something he just nodded. 'Thought so.' Jen agreed with a quiet voice, at the exact moment he felt heavy hands landing on his shoulders and squeezing them ever so gently. 'We've been there, you know, Witter.' Jack's voice was as quiet as Jens had been. 'And really, the worst thing to do, is to be alone. We're in this together and we just wanted you to know, that we're here for you.'

Pacey felt overwhelmed and he was just speechless by the unconditional way his one-time friends were just there, like he never had been away, like he'd never abandoned them, like he'd never betrayed Joey. He didn't understand, why they actually cares about him. Why they bothered. Pacey wiped over his eyes.

'I don't deserve any of this.' He managed to say.

'Course you do. You're our friend Pacey. You've just been away for quite some time, doesn't mean we just abandon you.'

Pacey almost started to laugh at Jen's words, but he took the croissant she was offering him.

'Nice way looking at it.'

'Guess so.' Jen smirked while she leaned back and watched him closely. 'So, globetrotter, tell us your tale.'

'There's not much to tell…' Pacey responded absentmindedly. 'I wanted to come back before the summer was over. But my father kind of caught me in a mesh of lies. So I took a job-offer, became hugely successful, fled into the arms of a woman and…' He paused as he thought about Audrey and the horror he felt must be clearly written all over his face. Because both, Jen and Jack stared at him in unisono.

'What's the matter, Pacey?'

'...I know who did this…' He motioned towards Joey's bed.

'What do you mean, you know?' Jack asked in pure disbelief.

'She told me yesterday. She… she ran her down, because she knew about Grace and was afraid she would loose me over it. And she was right to believe so. Because really what chance would I have had? The woman I loved, the only woman I ever truly loved, had my child. Why in all the world would I not want to try everything in my might to win her back…'

'Whoa there, hold on a second Witter!' Jack grabbed Percy's arm. 'You're telling us, the girl from the bar is the one responsible for Joeys accident?'

Pacey nodded. 'Yeah. Obviously Joey had been in my office and Audrey saw her there with Grace. She knew instantly who she was and that the little girl was mine. And so she followed her that day, waited outside the bar and just ran her over on purpose, so I would never know about Grace.'

'I can't believe that…' Jen's eyes were wide with surprise and horror. 'And what happens now?'

'I recorded what she'd said and sent it to Doug. I guess he will take care about it. Haven't spoken with him since, we had…. Well we had kind of a fallout at my parents yesterday.'

'Okay, well I guess, you really needed some company.' Jen tried to soothe him. 'What do you think, we just tell you a little about our lives here?'

Pacey took a deep breath and nodded relieved. Jen and Jack began to tell him stories of their lives, making him laugh and soon they joked lightheartedly and Pacey felt so much like a part of their group as if he'd never really been away, except of course he had been.

Jen and Jack left by noon, but not without promising to meet him later, either here or at Grams or wherever and Pacey was just so thankful for their caring. For them having him back unconditionally, as if he'd just returned from his cruise around the world. He felt like having finally returned home. Like this was where he really belonged. He hadn't felt like this in a long time.

As they'd left, he felt the sudden heaviness of fatigue. Pacey sat by Joey bedside again, thread his fingers through hers and just watched her breathe in and out and in again.

'Mister Witter?' A young nurse poked her head into the room and Pacey looked at her exhausted.

'Yes?'

'Well, we thought you would like a spare bed in her room, so you can get some rest and maybe even spent the night every now and then?'

Pacey smiled a little smile and nodded. 'Well, yeah. Thanks.'

The nurse smiled back and returned a few moments later with a spare bed.

'So, here you go.' She smiled as she placed a set of beddings on it.

'Thanks again.' Pacey looked at her and she flushed under his gaze. Normally it would have made him chuckle or he'd given her some witty comment, but today he was just a man, waiting for his girl to come back to him and he was in no mood for flirting.

'You're welcome.' She smiled shyly and left.

'So Jo, I will lay down a bit. Hope you don't mind.' He kissed her cheek. 'Don't go anywhere, okay?' Again, the words he wanted to say the most lingered on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't say them, because he really didn't know, if he was allowed to say them.

Absolutely exhausted he slumped down on the bed and as his body touched the covers he almost instantly fell asleep.

* * *

 _It was dark again. She stood on a long, nightly street. Rain poured down and she remembered Pacey. Of course she remembered Pacey. It was always him she thought about. And suddenly she saw him standing there under a street light._

 _'Jo.' He called out to her and she began to run towards him, but she stopped a few steps away, realizing that he was holding a little girl. Her daughter, she remembered. Yes, she had a daughter - and she was his child as well._

 _'COme on now, Jo. Come with me.' He held a hand out for her but she remained where she was._

 _'No.' She shook her head, even if the urge to just throw herself into his arms and kiss her little girl was almost overwhelming._

 _''Please Joey. Please come back to me. To us.' He begged with her. 'We need you.'_

 _'No.' SHe shook her head again. 'You will just disappear, as you always have. I'll open my eyes and you will be gone.'_

 _'No, Jo…' Were there tears in his eyes? Or was it just the rain and the moonlight playing tricks with her? 'I promise I will be right there. Just please, please come back. Wake up for me. I miss you so damn much.'_

 _'I don't believe you.' She said and the sadness, the sadness she knew all too well, because it has been her constant companion over these last years, consumed her again. 'I will keep on sleeping, I guess, so I can be with you at least in my dream.' She smiled and remained standing right where she was._

 _'I'm sorry for leaving you, Joey. I never stopped loving you. I'm sorry, I hadn't been around...I' He paused and took a deep breath. 'I thought Grace was Dawson's daughter.'_

 _She shook her head and couldn't help her own tears. 'Then you have been a fool, Pacey. There was no one after you. She's yours one hundred percent. As am I.' She whispered while she looked at him with the gild in his arms, who reached out for her in silent begging._

 _'Yeah, I she have been. And I'm sorry. But now I'm here and I will stay here.'_

 _'As am I.' She smiled and remained exactly where she was standing._

* * *

Pacey woke, as he felt a little body crawl over his.

'Hey my sweet little girl.' He murmured sleepy, but kissed her and wrapped his arms tight around her little figure. God, he adored that little girl of his.

'Dada tired?' She asked as she turned those big blue eyes on him.

'Yeah, baby girl. I was. But now I'm awake.' He kissed her and thought about, whether to tell her, he'd dreamed of her mother but decided to rather not.

'We didn't mean to wake you, Pacey. I'm sorry.' Grams smiled her warm smile and pacey just wiped her concern off with a swift gesture.

'Don't be, Grams. I would have hated, if I'd missed you.'

He got up and pulled a chair beside the elderly woman, as he cradled Grace on his lap.

'Mommy's book.' The girl pointed on the worn out Moby Dick he'd read last night and he nodded as he placed another kiss into her hair. She smelled like raspberries in summer, just like her mother had.

'Yeah, sweet Grace. I've read it to her last night. It's her favourite, you know? We read it together once.' She looked up at him with her deep eyes and smiled, at the same time Grams squeezed his hand.

'You're such a good guy, Pacey Witter.' She said and he realized there were tears in her eyes. And even if he didn't think, reading a book to anyone made him a good person, the way Grams said it made him all warm inside.

'I'd read it to her a thousand times if that would be the cost.' He said and he meant it with all his heart.

'I know, boy.' Grams nodded and then she fell silent.

After a long while of just sitting there he asked Grace if she wanted to go outside with him and play a while on the playground in front of the hospital. Grace smiled a broad smile which reminded him almost painfully of her mother, as she hopped off his lap. 'Bye mommy.' She said and kissed Joey's cheek and then reached her little hand out for him to take it. Hand in hand they walked out of the room and out of the hospital. The two of them spent the afternoon in the cold November sun, building sandcastles, went on the swings and playing hide and seek until Grace yawned.

'Well, I guess we'll get you back to your Grams and she'll get you home.'

'Dada comes too?' She asked but Pacey reluctantly shook his head.

'I guess I have to stay with your mommy for a while. But I'll be here and I'll come home with you soon, baby girl. I promise.'

She kissed him as he picked her up and wrapped her little arms around his neck.

'Love you, Daddy.' She said and he held her closer.

'I love you too my sweet little Grace.'

* * *

Jen and Jack snuck in after visiting hours with a big box of deliciously smelling pizza in their hands and Jack carried three bottles of beer.

'We thought you wouldn't mind us around some more.' Jen laughed and Jack added: 'Especially with some real food and not that stuff they're serving here…'

Pacey couldn't help but chuckle as he joined his friends at the table. 'You guys are just the best!' He sighed relieved as he took a hearty bite into the pizza they brought.

The three of them spent the evening catching up and laughing and in the end they played poker, just because Jack brought a set of cards. Pacey soon felt as if he'd never been away at all, except of course he had and in the meantime everything changed.

After they were gone, Pacey stood in the bathroom that belonged to Joey's hospital room. He looked into the mirror as he'd done so many times those last days. He ran his let hand through his beard. Determined he got his shaver from off his wash bag. With one last look he began to put razor cream in it, waited a moment and clear-shaved his face.

The guy he was looking back at him after he'd shaved, looked so much more like the guy he used to be back then, that it made him wonder, why it had been, that he needed to hide behind a beard all those month.

* * *

The days passed and soon became weeks. Pacey slept in the hospital three times a week and the other five he'd spent at Grams or in his flat. He spent a lot of time with Joey, but he saw that there was enough time for Grace as well. They baked cut-out cookies for Christmas, crafted little presents and spent a lot of time playing and cuddling and reading books. They built snowmen as the first snow fell and Pacey took her to a little luge hill. He returned with a little girl with burning cheeks and a red nose from the cold, but her blue eyes were sparkling and as they sat in front of the fire Grams set for them, each a hot chocolate (Grace's was only luke warm) with cream in their hands, it was like heaven. Often they'd fell asleep with their clothes still on, on the couch or the bed and sometimes Pacey woke because Grams laid a cover over their bodies so they won't cool down too much.

Most of the time either Jen or Jack or both of them were around. They used to join him in the hospital or they gathered at Grams, and some times the three of them would go out and have a beer and then he felt like old times. He was laughing a lot and bicker-bantered with Jen and bonded easily with Jack. The only thing missing was Joey. And badly so.

At length he befriended Eddie and at length he got to know, that Hell's Kitchen was about to close, because the rent was getting too high and the owner didn't want it anymore. So Pacey decided one day to just buy it, because he'd fallen in love with this place the first night he set foot into that bar. And even more so, it would give him the opportunity to finally have his own little bar, maybe he would someday turn it into something more, maybe he'd even cook a little…

* * *

' _You really should be a chef, Pace.' Joey rolled her eyes in that special Joey-way of hers, making his stomach swoop and his heart race. She licked her lips, as she stole another spoonful of sauce. He didn't complain, even if he couldn't stand her pot picking. But she looked just so tasteable herself as she savoured his cooking._

' _You flatter me, Jo.' He smiled at her as she bit her lip. God he wanted to kiss her so badly, but he was so sure she would just slap him._

' _I'm just being honest. This is definitely your calling, Pace.' She smiled and looked deep into his eyes. As suddenly something shifted between them._

 _He cleared his throat. 'Yeah. My father would appreciate that, I'm sure. The screwed up son becoming a chef rather than prove himself as the sheriff's son and becoming a deputy himself.' He laughed, as he tried to get rid of that ridiculous need to pull her near and crash his lips on hers._

' _Why bother?' She asked and kissed his cheek, took him by total surprise as she lingered there just a moment too long, sending shivers down his body and it was then he realized he'd fallen for her and it was the moment he decided to become a chef, if that was, what would buy him that incredible girl._

* * *

Somewhere along the way Doug called in, very short-spoken and told him, that Audrey trail was about to begin at the dawning of the new year.

Joey's letters were still unread. Pacey had tried to read them a few times, but every time he took them into his hands, he just couldn't get himself to open that damn book. Instead he began writing letters of his own. He added pictures of Grace and hoped that one day Joey would wake to read them. And maybe then he would finally find the courage to read hers as well.

* * *

By the Christmas-time Joey's state was unchanged. The little group of friends, along with Grams had decided to just bring the Christmas party to Joey.

Pacey brought a small tree and Grams, Grace and he decorated it together on Christmas day. As Jen and Jack joined them in the evening, they sang some songs in front of the Christmas Tree. Somewhere over the course of the evening the nurses poked in and sang a song with them, marveling at the tree and the atmosphere. They brought a little present for Grace and the little girl went to show it to her mother.

Pacey felt all warm and festive, even though that all too well known sadness clung to his heart and every time he looked at his sleeping girl, he ached for her to wake up. He just missed her smile, her everything…

It had been a wonderful evening. They sat a long time, sharing stories and noshed cookies, sipping hot juice and just enjoyed being together. It almost felt like a normal Christmas. Bt at length Grace's eyes fell shut and Grams stood.

'I should leave, the little miss is about to fall asleep.'

'Just let her, she can sleep on the spare bed.' Pacey smiled, but Grams wagged her head.

'Better not start with something like this. She will cry every night to sleep with you here and I don't think that would be the best idea.'

Pacey nodded reluctantly.

'Yeah, you're right. As always.' He sighed, because he really didn't want this night to be over yet.

'We drive you home, Grams.' Jen offered. 'Pacey, will you join us? We could have a hot chocolate and together and just gather a little longer?'

Pacey looked from his friends to Joey and back. 'Yeah, I'd love that.' He nodded and picked Grace up.

Grams, Jack and Jen said their goodbyes to Joey and left the room.

'Kiss mommy good night, Grace.' Pacey encouraged his daughter and the little girl kissed her mother's cheek, wrapping her little arms around her sleeping mother. 'Bye mommy. Merry Christmas.' She said and then she left the room, being catched by Jack, who says her onto his shoulders, Jen waving to Pacey to come out also Grams smiling at him. He gave them a short nod, but turned towards Joey once again.

Tenderly he took hold of her hand and kissed her forehead like he'd done so many times over the past few weeks.

'Merry Christmas Jo. I really wished, we could celebrate it together.' And for the umteenth time he swallowed the words he wanted to tell her the most. He wanted to tell her, he loved her, but he couldn't find the courage, because if he said it out loud it would only made waiting and hoping that much more difficult. He closed his eyes, just breathed her in. He knew his friends waited for him to come out, so they could spent some more time at Grams. They all needed this. In fact they all needed a break from all of this. But what Pacey needed the most was a Christmas-miracle. He needed her. 'Sleep well, my sweet Jo.' His eyes still closed, his hand still intertwined with hers, because he really didn't want to leave her, even though he knew it would do him good to not spent the night here.

This was the moment he felt it, her hand tightened around his. He frowned, because really he thought it was just his mind playing a cruel trick on him.

'Pace… Stay...' Her words a mere breath on her lips, weak and merely audible, but Pacey heard them loud and clear. And his heart skipped a beat, his breath caught up in his lungs, his stomach clenched. This couldn't be happening. It was just not possible. Even though there was nothing he wanted more. He was frozen. God he was so afraid, that this was just some cruel twist of his mind, that he would open his eyes only to see nothing had changed at all. That this was really only his head messing around with him, because he wished for nothing else. His heart hammered wildly as he slowly, hesitatingly opened his eyes. He felt tears running down his cheeks, but he couldn't care less. And as his eyes finally opened he looked directly into her fawn brown eyes and felt just everything at once.

'Joey.' He whispered her name, as he felt more tears streaming down his face. He wanted to hold her and kiss her so badly, but in this exact moment just looking at her, actually awake was enough. Slowly and with obvious struggle she lifted the hand he wasn't holding and wiped away his tears.

'Don't…' She whispered and he almost laughed, because really, he couldn't start to count the tears he'd shed over her these last weeks.

'Can't help it.' He whispered. 'I'm sorry Jo…for everything...I...'

Pacey wanted to say so much, to explain everything but Joey just placed a finger on his lips to silence him.

'I know…' She ran her finger over his lips. 'Just…' Her eyes fluttered shut but she forced them open again. '...stay…' She whispered.

He smiled through his tears and nodded.

'Well, I can do that.' He kissed the hand she still held on his lips. 'I'll stay, if you do too.'

'Will do.' She breathed as her eyes fell shut.

 **Please review :-) Thanks a lot to those who do.**


	7. Author's Notes

Hello everybody,

I just wanted to tell you all I'm so, so sorry for having you wait for an update for so long. Life really has been hell for the last few weeks, so much happend and I really couldn't find time to write anything.

Thanks to all of you who reviewed, followed and asked about my well-being over the last weeks, you guy's are the best!

I'm currently working on an update, so please don't give up on me just yet - just hang in there for a bit longer. I hope the next chapter will be up before Easter. And after that, I'll be back for good.

Sorry again!

Yana


	8. CH6 - Awakening

Hello again,

First of all - thank you all so, so much for all the support and constant interest! For reviewing, following… for letting me know, that you're still waiting for this to continue, for me to write it for you. And it's a pleasure doing it!

I'm so very sorry you've had to wait so awfully long for this update, but - well - finally it has arrived. It's shorter then my chapters used to be, but I hope this way I may be able to update more frequently.

Special greetings to Eva - I send you a big hug and some spring sun for when it's needed; to Joey who proofread for me for more than a year now. Hope you're safe and sound and reading this. Take good care at the other end of the world! And to (hope) - for your never decreasing interest.

Last but not least, let me introduce to you charativa, she offered to beta this story (and hopefully my older and the coming ones as well), so hopefully it will be a better read for everyone :). I'm so glad she does this, so let me say it again because I feel I can't say it enough: Thank you so much!

And now - without further delay… Let the story continue!

Yours,

Yana

 **Incomplete**

 **\- Awakening -**

'What's the matter, Pacey? Are you coming?'

Jen poked her head into the room, her voice a little impatient but with good mood in it. As he didn't respond she stepped into the room and smilingly placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

'Hey Pacey, come on now.' The smile fell off of her face as Pacey turned his head over his shoulder and she saw the tears on his cheeks. Instantly her arms wrapped tightly around him and he held onto her, again thankful for her constant care.

'I know some days are harder than others, but I thought you'd been good today, Pacey.' Her voice quiet and Pacey struggled for words as he held her close. He wanted to tell her about Joey. And desperately so, but somehow the words got stuck in his throat. She took his speechlessness as a sign of grief or something alike and she tried to comfort him. He held her close for a very long time, unable to form any words.

After what felt like an eternity he finally found the ability to speak again. 'I… I got to call Bessie, I…' Pacey untangled himself and held Jen at arm's length.

'But you already wished her merry Christmas, Pacey. She will be terrified if you call her at this hour…' Jen frowned and tilted her head, as suddenly her eyes widened. She stared agape in Joey's direction.

'Jo?' She whispered. The word only a breath on her lips, as if she was afraid that saying it out loud would destroy what she saw. She grabbed Pacey's shoulder and squeezed it hard. 'Pacey, look, she, she's… Oh my god Joey…' Tears built up in her beautiful blue eyes as a huge smile beamed on her face. She let go of Pacey realizing that this was what made him cry in the first place. Jen took a hold of Joey's hand that Joey held out for her.

'Don't cry, Jen….' Joey whispered weakly.

'I'm…. so, so sorry for leaving you there alone that night, Joey. I… I didn't mean for any of this to happen.' Jen rushed the words, clearly needing to say them right away.

'I know.' Joey smiled an exhausted smile. 'I don't… blame you.' Joey's eyes fell shut for a moment.

Pacey noticed that Jen was shaking and stepped behind her. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, as he too looked at Joey. His beautiful Joey. Her breath came steadily; her eyes fluttered open and shut. Every now and then she held his eyes with hers. Pacey felt everything at once. He watched the woman he loved slowly coming back to life.

Both Jen and Pacey stared amazed at Joey. Neither wanting to move, but to linger in this moment a little longer. Until Joey looked at Jen and formed a word again: 'Grace...' she whispered.

'Oh crap!' Jen stood and rushed to the door. 'I'll go fetch them.'

'You sure? I could go too…' Pacey offered, knowing full well that he just didn't want to leave Joey for only a second.

'Yeah, I'm sure.' Jen smiled and blew him a kiss. 'You stay with her and make sure she doesn't go anywhere. It's completely fine with me.'

Pacey threw her a grateful smile.

'Pace…'

He turned and couldn't deny the emotions that washed over him as he stepped closer and sat down on her bedside. Her fingers entwined naturally with his and it felt so damn right being here with her.

He leaned over and placed a hand on her cheek, tenderly running his thumb over it. He wanted to tell her how much he'd missed her. That he never stopped loving her. That he would try and make it up to her. But as he looked into her deep brown eyes, eyes he had so longed to look into again, he couldn't find the courage, couldn't stand the possibility that she would just laugh at him and tell him that she didn't want him anymore; that she didn't need him. And so he just said the only other thing that came to his mind: 'Merry Christmas, Jo.'

* * *

Bessie startled up from her sleep as her cellphone rang. She cursed silently at whoever dared to call at this time of night. Still dizzy from sleep she grabbed the unyielding ringing device, ready to throw it against the wall when she realized the name blinking on the display.

/Pacey/

'Oh god no…' Her anger and dizziness faded, as a wave of pure fear rushed through her. Her stomach clenched and she felt like throwing up; panic started to consume her. She had known that moment would come eventually, but realized that she just wasn't ready to let her sister go. Wide awake and suddenly all cold, her hand searched for Bodie, who woke almost instantly sensing his wife's terror.

'Bess?' He asked as he sat up beside her and placed a comforting arm around her shaking body. 'Who is it?'

'Pacey…' She whispered and he held her closer.

'Take the call, Bessie.' He whispered soothingly into her ear.

'I can't…' Bessie's voice was desperate, begging.

'Yes you can. I'm right here.' Bodie placed a soft kiss into her hair. 'I'll catch you. Just take that call. Imagine what he's going through right now.' He paused as his eyes found her flickering ones. 'Probably dying just like you.'

'I'm scared,' Bessie said. Her voice shaking as she looked totally helpless and terrified. The phone still ringing and vibrating.

'I know. Just take the call. He won't stop calling anyway.'

Bessie nodded. Trembling and dreadful she took the call. The lump that was building up in her throat was impossible to swallow and so she decided to just try and breathe.

'Hello?' She whispered in the phone.

'Bessie?' Pacey's voice was messy and thick with tears. 'I'm sorry for calling this late…' She could hear him struggle to speak at all and suddenly she felt like all life was seeping out of her, as she clung on to her phone. 'Joey, she… she's...' And then his voice broke into one long sob.

'Pacey?' Bessie tried to get him to speak to her once more, but clearly he wasn't able to form any words. Tears flew down her cheeks. She'd never felt this lonely and cold in her husband's arms. Her little sister, the only one left of her family, gone like any other. She pictured herself standing at Joey's open grave, the sun would be shining for sure and scoff at her. Suddenly, she heard Grace's voice in the background calling out for her mom and it tore Bessie's heart apart.

'Oh crap, gimme the phone, Pace. Bessie?' Suddenly it was Jen on the phone, but unlike Pacey's demeanor she sounded cheerful.

'Jen? Please…' Bessie couldn't think straight. She just wasn't able to figure any of this out. 'What happened?'

'She's awake, Bessie!' Jen laughed out loud. 'Joey, she… she woke up a few minutes earlier.' Jen's voice seemed to burst with joy. 'And that stupid boy just isn't able to say it without crying his heart out. You should see it, Bessie. Grace already climbed underneath her mother's blanket. It's amazing. It…' Jen searched for the right words to say what she wanted to say. 'It really is a Christmas miracle, Bess. It is!'

'I'll be there first thing in the morning.' Bessie whispered and hung up. Slowly, very slowly, the realization sunk in. She hadn't lost her sister.

* * *

The doctor checked on Joey and was satisfied with her condition. 'Everything is just fine.' She smiled in Pacey's direction, who suddenly felt completely out of place.

Everyone around him was cheering and laughing, smiling and joking. Grams maybe sending a prayer to the heavens, and he just felt like crying. The little group had gathered around Joey's bedside after Jen fetched them on their way to the car. Pacey stood at the end of the bed, by the doctor's side and was pretending to listen to the doctor's words. '...but she still needs rest and will probably stay in intensive care for a while longer….' The doctor frowned. 'Are you okay? You don't look so good…'

Pacey blinked several times as he tried to figure out what she had said and finally he decided to just nod. 'Yeah, fine. Thank you.'

'You sure?' The woman asked and Pacey nodded again.

'Yes, absolutely.'

'Okay then. Merry Christmas to all of you.' She smiled at Pacey. 'See you in the morning, I guess.'

'Yeah...bye.' Pacey nodded again.

'Dada, come.' Grace, who still laid all cuddled up in her mother's arms with a peaceful, happy smile on her face, held out a hand for her father. Her blue eyes shining. As much as he craved to be part of that cuddly ball in that bed, it felt kind of inappropriate joining them in such an intimate moment.

'Yes, come…' Joey smiled as her eyes became heavy-lidded again. Pacey could have sworn, that she was about to fall asleep again in seconds.

'I can't…' Pacey nervously danced from one foot to the other. He felt dizzy and confused. He wanted to get out of that room instantly. Away. As far away as possible. He couldn't stand the closeness of the room, which seemed to get more narrow with every heartbeat.

'Oh yes you can, my dear.' Grams said in her demanding-soothing manner, as she smiled at him with those old and wise eyes of hers. 'Jack, dearest, grab that spare-bed and place it beside Joey's.' She pointed to the bed Pacey had spent many a night in over the last few months. Jack didn't hesitate and with a little help from Jen he quickly pushed the bed in place.

Pacey watched Grace cuddling as close as humanly possible to her mother. The little girl had almost fallen asleep and the most beautiful smile graced her face. He knew instantly why Joey chose that name for her daughter. As he watched them together, so naturally entwined, his heart ached for all the lost time. He just longed to turn back time and be able to join them then. He cursed his father for the umteenth time for lying and himself for believing him so easily. The cursed the man who deceived him so many times in his life, who never could stand to see him happy, who never accepted his love for the girl from the wrong side of the creek, who would do everything to tear them apart. He suddenly couldn't stand looking at them anymore. His heart raced and he felt like choking.

'What are you waiting for?' Jen placed a tender hand on his shoulder. 'Pacey…?' Jen's joyful voice suddenly became worried. 'Are you okay?'

Pacey held onto Joey's bed frame so tightly his knuckles stood out white. He pressed his lips together and nodded. Jen frowned and turned her head a little bit, so she was able to look into his face. 'Are you... crying again?' Her eyes widened and it was in that very moment he realized that he was indeed crying again. Guilt came suddenly, totally unexpected, crashing down on him as all his fears and the anxiousness fell from his heart. It hit him with such force that he felt like throwing up and drowning at the same time.

He saw Joey's hand reaching out for him, but he had to breathe, he just needed to get out of that room, out of reach. Out. Just...out.

Without saying another word he left the room. He heard them shouting his name, but it only made him run faster down the hall, down the stairway and through heavy doors, carelessly pushing away anyone standing in his way. Until finally, he got outside and took a deep breath. He tried to slow down his breathing and heartbeat. He slowed his pace but never stopped his movement. Away - just away from here. Tears still ran down his cheeks and he realized he was sobbing helplessly. His heart pounded so loud; he felt like it was about to jump out of his chest. His head was spinning; his stomach churning. He was shaking because of his emotional state, but more so because it was a cold December night with ankle deep snow and he'd run out without his coat...without anything. No wallet, no car keys. He felt stupid and he knew for sure that this was exactly what he was. But he couldn't help it.

'Pacey?' Jack's voice stunned him completely and he wanted to hide somewhere. 'Pace… Stop it, man.'

Pacey stilled his movement, but he didn't dare face Jack.

'What are you doing, man?' Jack reached him. There was no criticism in his voice and Pacey wondered why. Why wasn't he mad? He just ran away like Jack had expected him to ever since he had come back. He wiped his face and then buried his hands in his pockets. He looked down at his feet, unable to face the other man.

'You can't leave.' Pacey felt a strong hand on his shoulder as he was forced to look at Jack. 'You can't just leave her… Not again, Pacey.' Jack's brown eyes stared into his own blue ones and he felt like the other man looked right into his soul. Jack's eyes narrowed and suddenly Pacey felt that wall between them again; the wall that had broken down the morning Jack found him in the chapel. 'What is it with you leaving her time after time when she needs you the most?'

'God, Jack!' Pacey was shaking because of both - the biting cold and his emotional state. 'I… I'm just so damn terrified.' He knew he was begging him with eyes, and he didn't even know for what exactly.

'And why is that?' Jack looked even deeper in his eyes, as if he could somehow find the answer there. 'You did so well over the last month. In fact you did better than any of us had.'

Pacey felt like laughing. He knew he did okay, but he also knew he had been lying awake so many nights and the fear of Joey actually dying almost killed him. He had been holding Grace tighter those nights. And he prayed - something he hadn't done for many years. He'd made a deal with God to spare her. He cried. Oh, he wasn't able to even begin to count the tears he shed. More often than not, he drove to the hospital in the middle of the night just to make sure she hadn't stopped breathing.

And now that she had actually woken up, he suddenly felt out of place. He was so terrified. He felt his body shaking even more and the cold almost made it impossible to breathe. It was then he realized that Jack hadn't put his coat on as well. He had obviously followed him without wasting a second.

'I don't know what to do, Jack.' He managed to say and he felt totally forlorn. 'I just… I feel so alone.'

'I'm with you… We all are.' Jack smiled a half smile and pulled him into a brotherly hug for the first time since he was back again. And it did him good. 'Sorry for being distant lately. It's nothing to do with you actually. Let's have that promised beer for two sometime soon and I'll tell you my part of the story, yeah?'

Pacey nodded. Relief slowly made his heart beat at a more reasonable pace. 'Great!'

'Okay, now that that's settled… Let's go in there.' Jack motioned his head towards the hospital entrance. 'Because I'm freezing to death out here.' Jack grinned at Pacey.

'Yeah, me too.' Pacey wrapped his arms around himself. 'I… I just don't know what to do, Jack. Or how to behave.'

'Just be yourself. And don't be afraid, Pacey. You're the reason she's awake.' Jack looked right into Pacey's eyes and he took a deep breath. 'And now she needs you to be there. Like really needs you right now. You don't want to let her down again.'

'No. You're right.' Pacey took one last deep breath. 'Thanks for coming after me, Jackers.'

'Yeah.' Jack smiled, one hand on Pacey's shoulder and led him carefully back towards the hospital entrance. 'Anytime, man. Besides… I owed you one.'

Pacey chuckled. 'Yeah, ya did.' God, it felt good to be in his company. 'Nonetheless - thanks.'

'You're very welcome. Now get your ass to that woman of yours and reassure her that you weren't about to run again.'

'But I was…' Pacey looked at his feet with such a helpless expression on his face that Jack felt sorry for him.

'Yeah, right.' Jack whispered and then paused. 'But you don't want her to know…'

* * *

A few minutes later the two boys entered Joey's room again. Pacey's heart beat like crazy and he wasn't sure about what to say or how to behave. So he just stood there. He couldn't get his eyes off Joey. She was so damn beautiful and he just couldn't believe that he had been able to stay away from her for so long. He knew he wanted to be with her, to stay with her and lay the world at her feet. But at the same time, he knew that he would get cold feet as soon as somebody would criticize him. He knew he was going to run away again. But he didn't want to. He wanted to stay. He wanted to stay and love her and their daughter. He wanted to be with them. He wanted to marry her, to love her, to make up for all the stupid things he'd done - most of all, for running away in the first place; for letting her down at a time she needed him the most.

'Better now?' Jen placed a tender hand on his arm and Pacey nodded.

'All better…'

'Okay, then. We'll be off. You're okay with staying here?' Jen asked.

'Yeah, sure. See you in the morning?'

'Promise! Bessie will be here too.' Jen pulled Pacey in a warm embrace. 'Nighty then.' She kissed his cheek and Grams smiled at him warmly.

'Good night, dear boy. Take good care of them.'

'Will do. Promise.' He kissed her head and she linked her arm with Jens as the two women left.

'Okay then, I'll be going too.' Jack patted his shoulder. 'If you need anything, just give me a call.'

'Will do, and… Thanks again, Jack. For everything.'

Jack nodded. 'Nothing to thank me for. You would have done the same for me.' They fell silent for a moment. 'So, I'll be on my way too.' Jack gave Pacey's shoulder a friendly squeeze. 'You'd better be here when I come back in the morning.'

Pacey swallowed hard and felt his palms getting sweaty. 'Yeah man, I will.'

'Night then, Pace.'

'Night Jackers.' Pacey whispered and as the door closed behind his friend, he felt nervous as hell.

Pacey stood there and looked at her, as she lay there - peacefully sleeping. He realized just how much he loved her. He suddenly remembered the first time he saw her lying there, pale as death. The fear that held his heart ever since was still far too close, even now. Pacey wondered if he would ever be able to let go of it; if he would ever be able to look at her without wondering. Unsure of what to do, he stepped closer to Joey's bedside and sat down in the armchair he spent so many, many nights and days in. His racing heart slowed down to a more reasonable pace. Somehow this chair provided him with safety. His eyes found the old, tattered book and he smiled as he remembered how he made reading it to her a habit. How easily he bonded with Grace, this little awesome girl, who led him into her little life and trusted him from the very beginning. He was certain he would never forget the moment she first saw him and instantly recognized him - and how she called him Dada ever since. His heart went out to his daughter and he still couldn't believe that she was truly his. And that over her existence he lost Joey in the first place, because his father turned her into his cruelest lie, his sharpest weapon. Grace lay smilingly sleeping in her mother's arm. Safe and warm and nothing could harm her there. Pacey could feel the strong bond between those two and once again he wished he had been there from the very beginning.

Pacey's eyes lingered on Joey's face. He longed to touch her finally rosy cheek; he wished he could find the courage to let his fingers run through her hair. He wanted to kiss those adorable lips - to make everything up to her.

Joey stirred as if she felt his eyes on her.

'Pacey….' She whispered his name as her eyes fluttered open once again. The sound of his name on her lips sent shivers down his whole body and deep into his soul. Her eyes seemed to search for him, but weren't able to fixate anything in the half dark room. Pacey reached out for her hand and took hold of it. 'Yes Joey?' His voice was hoarse. 'I'm here.'

Her eyes closed as she sighed and he knew that she struggled to not fall asleep again even though she was obviously tired. Her grip on his hand tightened.

'Lay with me, please…' She whispered. Her voice barely audible and weak.

'Jo, I…' He wanted to lie beside her, to hold her as close as possible. Hell, he wanted to be near her more than anything. To reassure himself, that this wasn't a dream; that she really fought her way back to life - and hopefully back to him. But lying with her seemed so inappropriate. So out of place. So presumptuous considering what she went through because of him. Even lying in this bed because of him - because of his stupidity. He fucked it up, for real this time, and she wasn't even aware of how much he actually had.

'I… don't wanna…' Her breathing deepened. '...fall back to….' and he could tell she was about to sleep within a heartbeat. Her eyes still closed and her grip around his hand loosened. He knew what it was she wanted to say. She was afraid of sleeping. Of falling back into that long, long sleep she just awoke from. And it would be a nightmare. He was afraid of it too.

'I'll be here, I promise Jo. But I'm not sure…'

'Please…' She forced her eyes open and looked directly into his and so he nodded. If his arms were what she needed to feel safer then who was he to withhold them?

'Okay then, Jo.' He took his shoes off and got rid of his trousers and shirt. Quickly he changed into his sleeping-suit.

A minute later he slipped underneath his blanket and got closer to Joey. Thankfully, Grace didn't sleep in the middle, but in her mother's arms on the other side, so Pacey was able to put his arms around Joey for the first time in years. And heavens did it feel good! The woman he held threaded her fingers through his and let out a sigh of relief as his arms closed around her.

Pacey closed his eyes and breathed her in. Shyly, he placed a kiss onto her hair and his arms closed tighter around her as he realized just how much he'd missed her. How she fit into his embrace naturally and how she seemed to sink into his body, even in this innocent situation. Pacey began to tenderly stroke her hair while he whispered quietly to her. He smiled as he felt her relaxing more and more. Her breath deepened and he knew she finally let go and was asleep again.

For a long, long time Pacey stayed awake. He wondered what the next morning would bring, the next week, the next month. He wondered what the future was holding for him. Would she hold on to him? Would she be able to forgive him and give him a second chance? Yes, she obviously missed him and wanted him around - for now… But in the light of day, in the realization of what really had happened, in the everyday life? When she comes to realize that he really wasn't what she thought him to be…that he had been able to believe she fled into Dawson's arms so shortly after he'd left. Would she still want him around? And if she would - would he be able to be what she needed? What she wanted? Or would he just disappoint her again? Would everything be okay? Maybe they really were given a second chance. Maybe everything was about to just work out. But then again - it never had. Never. Not for him and not for her - and certainly not for them together.

He kissed her hair again and soaked in her scent; his whole body felt her nearness and it embarrassed him. He held her even closer because she wanted him there, and if it was only for this night, if it was only for comfort, for not being afraid of the night, he would not let go of her. In this moment, he knew for real, that he loved her and that he would do everything to make her stay - to be allowed to stay. And he prayed that she would let him.

As the pale full moon's light filled the room and the Christmas bells were ringing in the morning hour, he made a deal with God and slowly sank into sleep. It was the first peaceful sleep since he left her so many months ago.

 **Thanks for reading and please review.**


	9. CH7 - Reunion

Hello again,

Thanks again for favs and follows and most of all reviews. Please keep them coming :-)

Here's the next chapter for you guys. It's faster than anticipated, because of me being on sick-leave and so I had unexpected kids-free-time and besides from sleeping and drinking tons of tea, I wrote this one for you.

Enjoy and let me know if you did.

Yours,

Yana

 **Incomplete**

 **-Reunion -**

Pacey drifted slowly out of his sleep. The sun was shining upon his closed lids and he held someone in his arms. The first person that came to his mind was Grace, naturally, because she was whom he held most nights during the last months. But the feeling was a different one. The person in his arms was definitely a grown woman and his half slumbering mind tried to figure it all out. Little by little, he remembered the events of last night and couldn't quite decide if he wanted to open his eyes or just marvel at the feel of her body in his arms for a little longer.

 _Joey._

He tried to remember the last time he held her but it was far too long ago, to far buried in his mind and locked away in the deepest depth of his heart. So he just held her as if it was for the first time because in some way that was exactly what it was. He breathed in and out and couldn't help but smile at her familiar scent. The way she fitted into his arms. God he'd missed her and so he tightened his embrace a little more, for he just didn't wanted to let her go ever again. He wanted to linger in this moment forever.

Suddenly, he felt something touching his eyebrow. A fingertip he decided, as it slid down his face and drew a line on his cheekbone. Oh, how much he wanted to look at her but he didn't want this to end. At length, he opened his eyes wavering and was totally stunned as he instantly met her brown ones. For a long moment they just looked into one another's eyes. Joey's finger had stopped its movement the moment he'd opened his eyes, and the little spot where she touched him seemed to burn deep into his skin. Pacey couldn't find any words at all as he was looking at her.

Slowly he lifted his arms and placed his hand on her face in just the same way she touched his. He was surprised as she naturally leaned into his touch and even closed her eyes for a second. As she opened them again, she gave him a beautiful smile and it warmed him from the inside out. He could see her weariness, however.

'Pacey,' Joey whispered his name and he felt like sixteen again. He longed for her even as she lay in his arms. All he wanted was to lay the world at her feet and he knew he could if she'd let him. He'd wanted her to be his for all his life; he had just forgotten about it while he tried to erase her from his heart. He had forgotten about the intensity her presence held and about all the feelings only she seemed able to unleash. Never before and certainly not after her, had he met a woman who could do what she did to him with a touch as simple and innocent as drawing a line on his face while he lay slowly awakening by her side.

He smiled at her, while he wondered what to say and decided for something lighthearted. 'Morning sleepyhead,' he whispered. He didn't know why he actually whispered. Maybe because he didn't want to destroy the moment with loudly spoken words, or because she had whispered too. His hand ran through her long, unkempt hair.

'You're really here,' Joey's voice still quiet and wondering. He couldn't quite decide if it was a simple statement or more of a question. And even though it had been softly spoken words, he felt a sting in his heart.

'I am, Jo.' He continued to smile at her nonetheless because it was the only thing he could possibly do. She was awake and whatever there was to discuss in the future, whatever it held for her, for him, maybe for them together…he was here and this was exactly where he planned on staying for as long as she'd let him.

'Thanks for holding me tonight.' She smiled a sheepish smile and the slightest bit of a blush showed on her far too pale cheeks. It only made him smile even more full heartedly.

'Nothing to thank me for, Jo. I'd hold you for as long as you want me to.'

She closed her eyes for a second and then shook her head as she met his gaze again. 'Please don't…' she bit her lower lip like she always used to do back when she was younger.

'Don't?' Pacey frowned. He couldn't figure out what she meant.

'Yeah.' She sighed and rested her head into his arm, looking up at him from where she was lying. 'Don't make promises…' Joey left the sentence unfinished, but she didn't need to say anything more because he knew what she meant. Pacey looked deep into her eyes, serious this time. He was sure she could read his love for her in his eyes even if he didn't speak of it.

'Jo… I…' He struggled for words, but his heart was steady as was his whispering voice. 'I fucked it up, for real this time. I was always good at that, you know?'

She smiled and nodded her head. 'Well, yes, I'll give you that.' The suggestiveness swinging in her half witty tone made him laugh out loud. As he did so, all that had been left of his nervousness just fell off of him and he drew her closer to his body. She joined his laughter and somehow it broke the wall between them. Both of them knowing about all the unsaid things; both of them unsure of what was to come, but just lying there laughing together made them feel alive once more. They found themselves forehead to forehead, his hand on the back of her head holding each other's eyes, and the laughing died on their lips only to make room for a much more basic need.

'I missed you so much, Joey,' he said tenderly as his eyes flickered between her eyes and her lips. his whole being screamed for the touch of her lips.

'I missed you since you've been away.' She responded with a half-smile and a voice that raised the hope in him that she would actually allow him to kiss her. As her eyes flickered to his lips, he swore he could have died for this feeling. Wanting someone and knowing that it was returned.

'Dada wanna kiss Mommy?' Grace asked as she leaned over her mother from behind. An adorable sleepy head with big blue eyes, sparkling as if the sun was shining right out of them.

Pacey grinned as he looked at his adorable daughter. His! Sometimes he still couldn't believe it. She was the spitting image of her mother as she was a child and only his blue eyes and some of her character was definitely his.

'Yes, princess.' He smiled at her, thankful that her asking somehow relaxed the electrical tension in the air.

She grinned as she climbed between Pacey and Joey. Then she leaned over and kissed her mother's cheek. 'Morning mommy.' She turned her head to look at Pacey. 'See, simple.' Turned again and placed another kiss on Joey's cheek.

Pacey chuckled and Joey smiled the sunniest smile Pacey had ever seen on her face. Much like the one she gave him the day she decided to go with him on that sailing trip. 'Good morning, Grace.' She returned the kiss her daughter had given her.

'You tired?' The little girl asked with a ferful tone in her voice as Joey yawned.

'A little bit.' Joey nodded and instantly wrapped her arms around the little girl. 'Don't be afraid, sweetheart. I just need to sleep so I can get better just like you when you've got a cold, okay?'

Grace nodded but stayed in her mother's arms. For a while no one said anything, Joey just held her daughter and Pacey had his arm around Joey. He watched her slowly drifting back to sleep once more.

'Come on, Grace. The two of us will go to the bathroom, get some clean clothes on and find ourselves some choco-croissants for breakfast.'

Grace nodded and struggled free from her mother's arms. ''kay, Dada.'

'Pacey… Wait.' Joey's hand found his as he was about to get out of bed. He stopped in his movement and lay back across the mattress.

'Yeah?'

'Can I get one?' She asked sleepy.

Pacey frowned. 'A croissant?'

'No you goof,' she smiled an adorable sleepy half smile. 'That kiss Grace spoke of.'

She took him completely off guard and he stared at her for a moment. Totally speechless.

'You… want me to kiss you?'

She nodded as she looked into his eyes and the look she gave him sent shivers down his spine. 'If you don't mind…' Joey whispered.

Pacey swallowed hard, because it was all he wanted to do. 'God Jo…' He lowered his face. Nothing he could have said could possibly express what he truly wanted to say. With a hand on her cheek, Pacey placed a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth. He felt it deep inside his soul, like an electrical charge it hit him and flew to the very end of every cell in his body. He'd wanted to make this an innocent see-you-later-kiss, but as he lifted his head to say something, his eyes met hers and the firework of feelings in them made him want so much more.

'For real please…' The words a mere breath on her lips.

'...but….' His voice was throaty and he knew it. He couldn't help it, she was just all he'd ever wanted. Her having him back was more than he could have hoped for. Pacey looked deep into her eyes for a long moment.

'Pacey.' Her eyes hung on his lips, her voice shaking as she said his name like her life depended on him kissing her. It was just more than he could possibly take so he lowered his face again. It was what he wanted to do all along and if she wanted him to kiss her, he couldn't find it in him to deny her. His lips found hers and they melted together so naturally. It felt like breaking through the water's surface after a long time under water; taking the first lung-filling breath of air shortly before drowning. It washed over him and as she opened her lips to let him in it felt like heaven. He couldn't help the soft moaning that escaped him as he finally tasted her again and obviously neither could she and it made him smile into their kiss. He was home again.

Neither of them could say how long they had lingered in the kiss until they finally parted. Slowly, Pacey opened his eyes and smiled at Joey, who looked at him like she finally believed he was real. Her cheeks flushed with an adorable red, her eyes vividly sparkling and a shy smile graced her kissable lips.

'You're okay?' Pacey asked and she nodded.

'I'm more than okay.' She smiled. 'I'm good for the first time in forever.' She rested her forehead against his.

'Me too.' He smiled and pulled her closer. Pacey held her for a moment while he placed butterfly-kisses into her hair.

'Pacey?' she asked, her voice heavy with fatigue.

'Yes?' He looked at her still stunned by her allowing him to kiss her like that.

'Will you come back?' She held onto him and it took him a minute to figure out just what she meant.

'From the bakery?' he inquired. She nodded. 'Well yes, of course, I'll come back to you.' And it was then he decided to just lay all his cards on the table, because really - what had he left to lose? 'You are the only girl to whom I ever came back, because….' He swallowed hard as he placed a tender hand on her cheek. 'Because this is where I truly belong, Joey. This is home and I have no intention of leaving at all. Not as long as you'll have me.'

'Promise?' Joey whispered.

'Promise!' He kissed her forehead and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She smiled at him and held his gaze for a moment longer before her eyes closed and she slowly drifted back to sleep. He kissed her lips one more time before he bedded her head onto her soft pillow and covered her up.

Smilingly he turned to Grace. 'Come on now, gorgeous. We better get dressed and have some breakfast because your Aunt Bessie will be here later.' The little girl beamed at him and slid her little hand into his as he led her into the bathroom and started their daily morning routine.

Pacey dressed Grace in her thick winter jacket, put her mother's scarf around the little girl's neck and a warm bobble hat on her head, along with thick gloves for her hands and warm shoes.

'Okay then, Grace.' He kissed the little girl's nose, 'We're off for some croissants.'

'We bring mommy one, too?' Her eyes shining bright and Pacey beamed at her as he lifted her up.

'Yes, sunshine.' He looked at Joey's peacefully sleeping form. Her cheeks still rosy and the knowledge of her really just sleeping made his heart burst with joy. He felt like dancing and so he swirled Grace around and the little girl laughed and squeaked happily. He hugged her tight and then smiled at her so full heartedly that Grace laughed at him again.

'You happy, Dada?'

'Yes, Grace, I'm so happy. I can't find words to tell you how happy I am.' He looked at his daughter and was just so grateful for the opportunity to be with her. 'So, baby-girl, we're off for those croissants now. Kiss mommy goodbye and then we're off so we can be back before she wakes, 'right?'

'Yeah.' Grace smiled Joey's smile and Pacey's heart overflows with love for this little girl and her mother. They kissed Joey's cheek and left the hospital.

* * *

Outside the snow still lay but the winter sun made them warm nonetheless. Grace's little hand held Pacey's tight as they ambled through the snow. Suddenly, she let go of his hand and began to run over the snow-covered meadow where a small group of children was building a snowman.

'Catch me, Dada.' Grace looked over her shoulder laughing and Pacey grinned.

'You got it, girly!' He ran after his daughter and soon they were caught up in a run-and-hide game. They laughed and played; Grace threw some snow at Pacey which caused them to frolic in the snow. Pacey found himself on his back and Grace on his stomach with burning cheeks and snowflakes in her auburn hair, her eyes shining and her little heart pounding so fast it made Pacey smile. Oh, but this felt so right. This was the life he'd dreamt about his whole life.

'I love you, Dada,' Grace told him breathlessly because of all the running.

'I love you too, sunshine,' he kissed her forehead. The child rested her head on Pacey's chest and he held her for a little while right up until the melting snow underneath him slowly soaked through his jeans.

'Okay, little missy…' he got up with the girl in his strong arms and Grace flung her arms around Pacey's neck and rested her head on his shoulder. 'Let's get those croissants.' They walked into the bakery and bought some croissants. Knowing Jen and Jack, Grace and especially Bessie were about to come over during the course of the day, Pacey got some cake as well.

Outside the snow had begun to fall again and so Pacey walked a little faster, carefully holding his already eating daughter and the bakery-bags.

Laughing and chaffing, they finally reentered Joey's hospital room with burning cheeks and snow still in their hair.

Bessie was sat on the armchair Pacey used to sit in. Beside her were Bodie and a woman he didn't know but recognized from somewhere.

* * *

'Wow, full house, ey?' He walked further into the room and put the little girl down who was screaming at her auntie and on her lap in no time. 'Good that I brought some more than the originally planned three croissants.' Bessie instantly began to undress the girl and was already deep in talks by the time Pacey had placed all bags on the table.

He stepped to Joey's bedside, kissed her cheek and wiped a strand of hair out of her face.

'Hey, sleepyhead,' he greeted her with a warm tenderness in his voice. 'We're back. So, if you care for the croissant we brought you, you have to get up.'

He offered the other woman a hand, 'Hi. I'm Pacey.' He gave her a warm smile. She frowned for a second, just long enough for Pacey to notice, thanks to his former job trained to notice those little things. It made him wonder but he didn't want to think about it now.

'Scarlett,' she smiled uncertainly. Pacey grinned a little more. This fiery-haired girl with this obvious Irish accent just had to be called by the name of Scarlett. 'Pleased to meet you.'

'Yeah, me too,' he said formally and excused himself with a little nod before he went straight to Bodie and embraced him.

'Merry Christmas, man!' Pacey said grinning from one side of his face to the other and he just couldn't get rid of that shit eating grin, nor did he want to. This was a day of celebration.

'Yeah, a Merry Christmas it is indeed. Even though you scared her to death, Pacey.' Bodie said with a half concerned look towards his wife.

'Sorry - or no, no I am not sorry at all. I just needed to let her know first thing is all.' He turned while he got rid of his hat and scarf and opened his jacket. Pacey crouched down beside Bessie. He placed an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek for hello.

'Merry Christmas, Bessie. Hope you're not too mad.' Bessie laughed and tousled his hair like she used to when he was a boy.

'God, Pacey! No you goof, I'm not mad, not mad at all.' She smiled at him with so much affection it warmed him all up inside.

'Good!' He smiled and got out of his jacket.

'I'm so glad you called, so very happy to finally not have to be afraid of my phone ringing or someone knocking on my door bringing me bad news anymore. It's like New Year's having arrived a little earlier this year.' She looked in his eyes and he was glad that she too didn't seem to be able to wipe off that big fat smile on her face. 'And it's all because of you, you know. She's all better, because you're finally back.'

He shook his head, because he didn't want that kind of attention. 'I don't think any of this is my doing. Maybe it was helpful, but really, she did it.' He motioned his head towards Joey. 'Nonetheless, I have no intention of leaving again.'

In the back of his mind Pacey heard the door clicking. He felt eyes on his back and slowly turned around.

'Well, well, well… look who's back again.' Pacey stared at the person standing in the doorframe and suddenly he knew from where he recognized the woman. He'd seen her on a photograph in Joey's apartment. Dawson's fiancé. There stood his oldest friend with a tray in his hands with cups and coffee along with milk and sugar.

'Isn't this a coincidence?' The false smile fell off of Dawson's face as he watched Pacey stand. Scarlett was at Dawson's side in the blink of an eye. 'Let me take this, babe.' She felt obviously uncomfortable as she looked back and forth between the two men, and as she caught Pacey's eye she silently begged him for understanding. She placed the tray on the table beside the bakery-bags Pacey had placed there only moments earlier.

'Hey, Dawson,' Pacey smiled at him because he really was in no mood for anything else. 'Long time no see.' He knew, whatever Dawson held in, he couldn't harm him. Whatever he wanted to say, he hadn't been there. Not once since Pacey arrived three month ago had Dawson been there.

'Why are you here, Pacey? Why are you suddenly appeared out of nowhere and playing idyllic world? Who are you trying to fool here? She was waiting for you, man!' Dawson's hands were clenched into fists by now. Pacey knew, had Dawson got to him a few days earlier, he most certainly had gotten the fight he seemed to seek, but today he was good. There would be no drama, no fight and he certainly wouldn't have this conversation today, at least not front of everyone, especially Grace.

'I've been back for some time now. Guess I missed you every time you'd been around.' He felt Bessie's hand on his shoulder and saw out of the corner of his eye that Grace had cuddled underneath Joey's blanket once more. He secretly smiled over Bessie's protectiveness and realized one more time that none of them knew him as the man he had become. All they saw when they looked at him was the hurt, helpless, abandoned boy he once had been. But he was a businessman, a real successful one and he hadn't come this far had he needed someone to have his back, even though he was grateful for Bessie's being there.

'Don't you dare hold anything against me, Pacey,' Dawson's voice was shaking.

'I'm not.' Pacey said quietly. 'Do me the same favor, please.' Dawson was about to say some more things, but Pacey cut him off. 'We can have this conversation another time, Dawson. You know nothing about my reasons for staying away, as well as I know nothing about yours. The important thing is, that we're both here today and obviously both in our own time.' Pacey held eye contact with Dawson. He knew whatever reaction to come would define the way this conversation was about to take. Slowly, the fiery-hatred in Dawson's eyes cooled down; he too knew this was neither the time nor the place for a fight.

'Yeah,' Dawson nodded and the moment he held out his hand for Pacey, Pacey felt Bessie letting go of his shoulder. Pacey took Dawson's hand and suddenly they were in one another's arms, none of them could have said how it happened. They held each other in a brotherly embrace for a moment.

'Glad to finally see you again, Pace-man!'

'You too, D.' Pacey grinned as they broke apart and was relieved that they had been able to avoid a fight.

'Hello-o' Jen sing-songed as she got into the room. 'Wow, full house!' She said and Pacey laughed at her use of his words. 'And, Dawson! Is it really you?' She cheered as she saw him and hugged him instantly. 'Wow! Good to see _you_ again!' She let go of him, kissed Pacey's cheek for hello and was at Scarlett's side in an instant. 'And you too.' The two women embraced one another and instantly got into conversation.

'Wow, this is just like old times.' Jack laughed as he stepped in and hugged Dawson too. 'Only Andie is missing.'

Pacey nodded. He hadn't thought of Andie in years, but having her around would most certainly have made them complete. Grams entered with a cake in her hands, and as she greeted everyone, Jack took the plate and placed it on the table. Everyone was cheering and laughing and he felt so right. This was where he belonged; this was what had been missing all the time he'd been away. The one thing he couldn't find anywhere else. This little group of people was his home, his safe-haven.

'Pacey?' he heard Joey's quiet voice and again, the joy he felt since he woke up washed over him. He turned and beamed at her. She smiled at him. Grace had jumped out of Joey's bed and was now in Jack's arms.

'Happy much?' She raised her perfect brow and he took her hand and kissed it. All the voices around them seemed to retreat into the back of his mind.

'More than I can say, Jo. And the reason is you.' He knew he sounded cheesy and he knew that by the time she had been fully recovered she would call him on it, but not today. Today he could be cheesy all he wanted.

'Me too.' She smiled up at him, 'Would you do me a favour?'

'Sure thing.' Pacey nodded.

'Would you help me sit up so I can be more a part of everything?'

'Well, of course. Here you go.' Pacey adjusted her bed so she was in a more upright position and helped her get comfortable with her cushion and blanket.

'Wow, I mean… Is that Dawson? And Bessie….' She looked at Pacey and took his hand as he sat on her bedside. God that felt so right. 'Are they all here for me?'

'Yes, indeed. Seems like you're a very important person to many people.' Pacey looked at her, amazed by her beauty, but his voice was serious.

'To you too?' she asked and it almost made him laugh because she had no clue how very important she was to him.

'Well, yes, Joey.' He kissed her nose. 'You're the most important person to me. And I'm sorry for not letting you know that.'

'Don't be sorry, Pace. You're here, so…' she grinned her amazing crooked smile, 'you could kiss me instead.'

She took him off guard as she turned her head just a little bit and caught his lips in a more innocent kiss than the one they'd shared earlier that morning, but it was a kiss nonetheless and Pacey felt like he spiraled even deeper into that heaven he felt he was in the whole day.

As they broke apart, Joey smiled sheepish. 'Sorry.'

'Don't you ever apologize for kissing me ever again.' He smiled as he tried to get his brain to function once more and his body under control. 'Just don't rush anything, Jo. I am not going anywhere. It doesn't depend on you kissing me or not. I'm here because I want to be here, because I lo… I mean, I…' He felt himself blushing as he tried to cover what he'd almost said and she smiled at him bemused, but didn't say anything about it. 'I'm not here because anyone told me to but because this is where I belong. This is my home.' He looked around and then back at her again. 'My family.' He finally said with a smile. If she would have it, he would say it all now. There was a good chance that soon she wouldn't want any of this anymore; when realization sunk in. When they would be arguing about the past that none of them could change anymore, but as long as she would have him saying those things, he would. He swore that he would be by her side even when she wouldn't want him any nearer than ten feet away.

'Good,' she smiled. 'Would you mind me saying hello to Dawson?' She looked at him and held his hand tighter. 'Oh… And did you bring the croissant you promised?'

Pacey chuckled and kissed her forehead. 'Yes, Jo.' He stood, and as he walked through the room to get the croissant, he noticed that the sting he had felt every time Joey turned her head in Dawson's direction, even at the time Pacey and Joey had been a couple, wasn't there. This girl was his, or hopefully would be again, and there was absolutely nothing to fear from Dawson, whose arm lay around his girl's waist in a very protective manner.

'D!' Pacey laid a hand on Dawson's back.

'Yeah?' he turned his head over his shoulder and his eyes widened as he saw Joey smiling at him.

'There's someone who wants to say hello to you.'

'Oh my god, Joey!' Dawson's whole face lit up as he saw Joey smiling at him and Scarlett smiled relieved as he let go of her and stepped on Joey's bedside.

She turned her head in Pacey's direction. 'He refused to plan the wedding while her condition was unchanged. He blames himself so badly he couldn't bear coming here, even though I begged him a hundred times. And then Bessie called in the middle of the night and we got on the next plane….' She shrugged and Pacey felt nothing but sympathy for Dawson, he could understand him so truthfully. 'I'm sure you being away has an equally understandable reason.' Scarlett smiled warmheartedly at him and now it was his turn to shrug. 'Doesn't matter anyway.' She smiled again. 'As you said, all that matters is that you're both here now. And thanks for being gentle with him. You sure know how to handle him.'

Pacey nodded as he watched Dawson and Joey talking and every now and then, she threw him a look, as if to reassure, that he was still there and he realized the hole he'd left back then.

'We grew up together,' he grinned. 'We fought over her since High School, but I guess, we've finally outgrown those territorial fights.'

'Hope so.' Scarlett laughed and Pacey chuckled and understood instantly why Dawson had fallen for her.

'Pacey?' Jen interrupted.

'Yeah?' He turned towards her and his own smile widened at her beaming one.

'Care for some cold coffee and a croissant?' She offered him both and he laughed.

'Couldn't think of anything more appealing.' He took a long sip of coffee, swallowed it and grimaced. 'Okay, I take that back.' He returned the cup and took a hearty bite of his croissant and held it with his teeth while he grabbed both coffee pots. 'I'll be back in a minute.' He was out of the room and got new coffee much to the nurses' amusement he sung along the song the radion played. He was in the best mood they ever had seen him in.

* * *

The group stayed the whole day and in the evening they ordered pizza and lit the Christmas tree they set up the day before. Joey was long asleep by then, but no one wanted to leave. As it grew later, Grace changed and cuddled into Joey's bed and fell asleep in a heartbeat. At length Dawson offered to give Grams a ride home, which she took thankfully.

The little group of three sat in silence for a long while. Jack poured them each a glass of red wine as they watched Joey and Grace sleep.

'Have you read her letters by now?' Jen asked absentmindedly.

'No,' Pacey shook his head. 'Couldn't get myself to it.' He sipped on his wine. 'I could barely read the first one without breaking down.' He looked at his friends. 'It's childish, isn't it?'

'No, it's understandable.' Jack nodded as he took one of the last remaining slices of pizza.

'Would you like me to bring them here tomorrow?' Jen asked but Pacey shook his head. He'd read them at home and he was still not entierely sure if he'd have the strength to read them alone.

His eyes were fixated on Joey, and he still couldn't believe it. He still felt like bursting out of sheer happiness every time he reminded himself of her being awake for real.

'It really is a miracle, isn't it?' he whispered and looked at his friends. They nodded and then the three of them joined into a happy smile as Jack lifted his glass and they clinked them together.

 **Reviews are motivation :-) So please leave one and let me know if you liked it.**


	10. CH8 - Contention

Hello again,

Thanks again for favs and follows and most of all reviews. Please keep them coming :-)

Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next chapter for you guys. Hope the next one will be (lots!) faster!

Enjoy and let me know if you did.

Yours,

Yana

 **Incomplete**

 _\- contention -_

Pacey came home late from the hospital the following night. He had spoken to Joey's doctor and seemingly she would be able to leave intensive care at New Year's day. He was in the best mood since… he couldn't even remember the last time he felt this good. He whistled quietly as he entered Grams house, that had become his home over the course of many weeks. At some point he had just stopped getting back to his own place. Without even noticing it. It felt just so natural being where his daughter was. He didn't missed his old life one little bit.

He entered and locked the door carefully. As he placed his key on it's common place, he wondered why the lights inside were still burning, but decided that maybe Grams had just forgotten to turn them off. He smiled at the homely warmth. Pace put his jacket off, pulled off his shoes and looked into the mirror that hung besides the front door. He gave his mirror image a grin.

He was home. Life was good. Finally!

Quietly, careful to not wake anyone, he walked towards the living-room to turn off the lights. He startled as he saw Grams standing in her chemise and a dressing gown in the doorway to the living room. She looked awfully tired. He could hear the cracking from the wood that had obviously freshly been put into the fireplace.

'Hey Grams.' His voice was tender and low as he placed his arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead with closed eyes. Oh god, he loved that woman for all she had done for him, for his daughter and most of all for Joey. 'Still awake?'

She gave him an exhausted nod.

'Yes boy. There's a visitor for you. I'm off to bed now.' She placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. This gesture of honest fondness made him all warm inside. 'Good night, Pacey.'

'For you too.' Pacey smiled as he watched her leave, but couldn't help but wonder who the late visitor could be. He entered the living room only to find Dawson sitting on the sofa. His hands clenched together and a totally stressed out expression on his face.

'Oh, hey Dawson.' Pacey hadn't expected to see Dawson again before he headed back to Hollywood. In fact he had expected him to be on his way back already. Last night Scarlett told them, that Dawson was directing a film recently and there was not much time for him to spare. They had planned to take the night flight back to the set.

'Pacey.' Dawson didn't look up at him and Pacey knew instantly, that this would be a long night. He repressed a deep sigh. Originally he'd planned to finally read Joey's letters, but he knew this conversation needed to take place at some point and this night was as good as any other. So he passed Dawson by and stepped into the kitchen.

'Can I offer you something? A beer maybe?' Pacey asked as he switched one open for himself.

'No thank you.' Dawson responded absolutely tight up.

'Okay.' Pacey closed the fridge and slumped down on the other sofa as he placed his bottle on the table. 'You mind if I have one?'

Dawson shook his head and stared into the flames. They sat in total silence for a long while. Neither knew exactly how to start this conversation and Pacey knew better than to rush into something he would most probably regret. Dawson wanted to talk and so he would give him the time he needed.

Pacey took a long drink and turned the bottle in his hands. He thought back to long forgotten times.

'So, you're back.' Dawson stated after a while. His voice was hoarse. He still avoided to look at Pacey.

'I am.' Pacey agreed while he turned towards Dawson.

'Do you really think you can just walk into her life as if nothing happened? You abandoned her, Pacey.' The anger was clearly to be heard, but Dawson's voice was dangerously low. 'You showed her off that particular night in the worst way possible and then you just disappeared, never to be seen or heard of again. You totally screwed her over by leaving her like that. She never really recovered, even though she did a really good job acting like she had actually healed. She had never been the same again.' Dawson gave a humorless laugh. 'Not even Grace could make her whole again. I bet, she would have given her up in a heartbeat, if it had brought you back to her. That little baby that lit everything up simply by existing. And the first time she smiled at me…' Finally his eyes met Pacey's and the emotions his eyes mirrored were uncountable. 'God Pacey, I so wished she was mine. Even though there was no chance at all, that she could have been… She was all yours - as was hat mother - and it was clear for everyone to see. She has your eyes, your smile, your hair…. There just can't be any doubt.' He breathed deeply. 'On my first visit only a day after Joey had given birth, I promised her, I would find you. That I would tell you the truth, but I failed.' He fell silent for a short moment. 'Do you know, what the hardest part was? That - whenever we met, at some point Joey's eyes would turn empty, like a raincloud that unexpectedly dimmed the midday sun. I knew she was thinking about you. You know, there could have been laughter or a light hearted conversation going on… And then someone made a witty comment or referring to you - though we usually avoided to do so… Sometimes it would just silence her, but sometimes it caused her to leave the room, she used to disappear for the rest of the night. It had been so hard.'

Pacey's heart clenched, as he pictured Joey leaving a room full of laughing people. He knew, inside the conversation most probably died and outside Joey would struggle for composure. His brave, beautiful Joey - the girl with the sunniest smile in the world, crying because of him. 'She was broken, Pacey. She still is. Because of your ego trip. You weren't here as they called her names. As they accused her of the worst things. You weren't here through the hard times. She hadn't been able to escape. She had no money, Bessie couldn't lend her anything. She couldn't attend college, because of her pregnancy. She couldn't stay in Capeside, because of the lies that had been spread and you know villagers - once they have something or someone to bail…. Well, they bail. There was no way Joey could get out of there either. Grams offered to take Joey in and so I took what money I could spare and we built her a bathroom upstairs so she would be able to care for her baby, once it was born. She worked her butt off, until she broke down one day and the doctor prohibited any work, for there was a good chance the baby would have been born premature. Grams took care of her, but she just couldn't bare, to be taken care of, when there was so much to do before the baby was due. We gave her money, so she could give Grams her share and still have a little bit left for things she needed with her baby soon to be born. We made it look like her boss paid her even though she was on sick leave. We made it possible that she could life here with Grams. We brought her to the hospital to deliver your amazing baby-girl. We helped her through the tough times, when she was searching for you. We walked Grace around town, so Joey could get some sleep. She started working as soon as she possibly could, just took the baby with her into Hell's Kitchen. One of us always accompanied her, when she stood at your parent's house for the umteenth time, at first with her ever growing belly, later with her baby tugged tight to her body and begged them to give her your contacts, or at least look at the child that was so obviously yours. They would just send her off, not without calling her names. When she almost broke under the burden - you weren't here. When Grace was in the hospital, because she was so seriously sick, that Joey feared for her very life - she was all alone again. Well, yes, we stood by her side - at least Jack, Jen and Grams did. But the only one that could have reached her, was you. But you hid somewhere. Most probably fucking your way through town... ' Dawson shook his head. 'You can't just come here, dance into her life and just expect her to take you back again. You just… You can't!'

'You can stop now Dawson.' Pacey said, even though his throat was dry and most things Dawson had said were true. He hid and he had been fucking around - even while he'd been with Audrey, he had been drink most of the night's - at least in the beginning. Later he'd stopped drinking for the sake of his job...

The bitterness of knowing that he had brought so much pain onto Joey, all the time thinking it was best for her and convinced that she'd abandoned him, when actually it had been the other way around. Pacey's voice was low and hoarse as he continued. 'I know I fucked it up - royally this time. I know most of it is not excusable. Most of my defences will sound laughable at the least, but will you hear me out?' Pacey pulled his beer away, suddenly feeling sick as he looked at Dawson. He took a deep breath as Dawson remained silent, while he tried to figure out where to begin.

'Okay so…' He ran his hands through his hair. 'I don't quite know where to begin. I… guess I loved Joey right from the start. I tried not to, because I knew, you wanted her so badly. Even worse - she wanted you back. Or at least that was, what I thought to be the truth. I guess for a very long time, it was. So I tried to tell myself, she wouldn't want me anyway. Not only for the time being, but never would she want me the way I wanted her. To be mine entirely. That my father would most probably kick me out of the front door, the moment I would start something with the con-man's daughter. But I loved her, Dawson. Every time I saw her, every time I spoke with her, my heart began to race, my hands were shaking, the fucking earth seemed to tremble… Even at times I was the aim of her rage - God, she's adorable when she's furious. I wanted her with all of me. Body and soul. So badly.' He could feel it, even though it had been a lifetime ago. 'Maybe that is the real reason Andie never got to me the way she'd wanted to. She was just not as special as Joey. Never would hope to be as witty and sensible in the absolute perfect way, vulnerable but yet strong, so absolutely engaging and ever underestimating herself…. Emotional. I would have killed for that amazing smile, that was so typically hers. She knew just when to say something, even more important what to say and how to say it, and when to just be there, silent, empathetic.' He fell silent for a moment, remembering the sixteen year old Joey and he felt himself falling for her all over again. 'And then, as you sent me off to look after her, being her friend, after you'd rejected her… I tried not to….' He swallowed and ran his hands through his thick brown hair. 'I tried to just be a friend to her. Like I always had tried. Maybe my whole life. God, I swear I tried not to fall for her, but there was no sense in it at all, because I had fallen a long time ago. But suddenly I fell for her for real Dawson, I fell so hard. Like helplessly falling head over heels. And I couldn't do anything against it and honestly at some point I didn't wanted to fight it anymore. I wanted to hold her and tell her every chance I would get, that I loved her. God I loved her so much, Dawson.' He still could remember the feeling and it made him long deep inside. Dawson nodded, while he stared into the flames and Pacey wondered if he really got his point, he wanted desperately to make him understand, that it hadn't been a conspiracy. That it hadn't been his plan to steal the girl - even though he dreamt about Joey being his for all his life. 'The more time I spent with her, the deeper I fell. I couldn't eat and I barely slept at all, while I tried, God Dawson, I tried so hard to stop myself from falling deeper and deeper and deeper, but I just couldn't help it. I knew it would destroy everything, even if you made your point clear in not wanting her. I knew it would destroy our friendship and it would destroy the one I had with Joey also.' He swallowed. 'Jack and Jen quickly called me on it, they'd seen it coming long before anyone else did. Maybe even before I allowed myself to face it. And as we went to that trip to Aunt Gwen, well… She kissed me, D. She kissed me!' Somehow he still couldn't believe it. That beautiful girl, that he never could have hoped to get, kissed him, out in the open and it made his heart beat faster, even now, after all these years. He couldn't help the foolish grin on his face. 'What could I possibly have done? The girl of my dreams, the only girl I ever wanted, kissed me. And she knew about the consequences. She knew it would most likely cost her your friendship. She knew about my screwed up life, but she kissed me nonetheless.'

'You stole her, Pacey.' Dawson spat and Pacey stared at him in pure disbelieve as he shook his head.

'Did you at least listen, Dawson? Did you actually hear anything I tried to say here? She made the first step. It hadn't been me, it was her. Hell, had I've been free to have it my way, I would probably have kissed her in elementary school, but she would have bit my lips at this time for sure. If I had allowed myself to give in, I would have had plenty of chances, and believe me, I wouldn't have waited for that damned trip - she had been mine long before that. But this night at Gwen's, as she kissed me…. She had been fallen for me like I had fallen for her. She couldn't help it, even though she dumped me right after your little fallout the other night.'

'Oh, well, now it's my fault?' Dawson shook his head and Pacey gave him a frustrated sigh.

'God no, Dawson. It's no one's fault, I just try to make you understand.'

'Go on.' Dawson gave a small nod and Pacey took a deep breath.

'Well, we both suffered, for we wanted to be together, but weren't because we didn't wanted to hurt you, even though you ignored us nonetheless. A day before your parents rewed, I asked her to give me a reason to stay, but she didn't say anything. So I came to the wedding because your mother had invited me to it. You know what happened.'

'I sent her to you, because I knew she would never love me like she loved you.' Dawson swallowed and his voice was broken. 'Unconditionally. Ready to sacrifice everything for you. I proved right.' Dawson responded defeatedly. 'Maybe I could have a beer now.'

Pacey nodded. 'Sure.' He stood up and came back with an open bottle.

'Here you go.' He placed it in front of Dawson. 'So, as it became clear, that I wouldn't graduate, she said she would rather stay with me in Capeside, than be off to Boston alone. She said, even though it was just an hour from Capeside, it would feel like a lifetime apart. Even though I knew she was right, I couldn't allow that. I needed her to take the chance. I knew it was all she wanted, the dream she had - to get out of Capeside, to go to college and escape the life she would be doomed to live, would she stay. She would have sacrificed everything. She had worked so hard for over the years. She had so many opportunities and I was just holding her back. I was just so frustrated, I barely could stand being in her presence. ...and suddenly I saw her dancing with you. Laughing so wonderfully free, I saw something I thought I would never be able to offer her. A good life, carefree and successful. I could never hope to be a man like you, offering her the world, good looking, chivalrous…' He gave a little shrug. 'I was just Pacey, the sheriff's screwed up son. I knew life held so much more for Jo than I could ever hope to give her. I was so angry at her and you and the whole world. Most of all, myself.' He could still remember that feeling deep inside, as well as he remembered her sad eyes as he showed her off like he had done.

'So you decided that dumping her - showing her off in front of the entire year was the best way to get rid of her?' Dawson shook his head. 'Do you know what she told me as we were dancing? Do you have the slightest clue why she was laughing so 'beautifully free'? Because she was happy, Pacey. She was happy of having you. She told me, she'd finally made her decision. She said, that she had rejected the scholarship she'd been offered in Boston High that very morning. That she wanted to stay with you in Capeside, because she loved you so very much and couldn't stand the thought of being apart from you most of the year. Because she had been afraid, that life would come between the two of you. She wanted to surprise you after prom. You made her so happy. She didn't wanted to be away from you and as you obviously wouldn't join her in Boston, she wanted to stay with you. And if you ask me, I don't know for sure, but I guess she already knew, about her pregnancy at this point, if not, she suspected it for sure.'

'She what?' Pacey placed the beer he was about to grab back on the table. He hadn't known about any of that. And honestly, how could he?

'Yeah, right. Makes you speechless, don't it?' Dawson chuckled. 'She loved you, you fool. She loved you as deep and true as you loved her. Therefor her decision was already made. She chose you over everything there was to achieve for her. Only to be dumped in the worst way possible.' Dawson took a long drink of his beer while Pacey just stared at him. 'She waited for you. She never stopped loving you for a second. The day after prom she asked your father if you'd be home, but you were off with Doug by this time.'

'We'd left first thing in the morning.' Pacey's voice was throaty. He couldn't believe this.

'Two weeks later she told us that she was pregnant. We tried to get a hold on you, but the only person that was at least a little forthcoming was Gretchen. She promised to call you and tell you to call in with Joey asap. Which obviously you did. She had never been the same after your call. It was like she was crumbling in front of everyone. She was lonely and sad. Soon your father started spreading lies about her being pregnant with my child. Laughable! He even made up a story about some cop had caught us in the act right after prom on some park bench.' Dawson shook his head and Pacey wasn't sure if he really wanted to know the depth of his father's lies.

'I was employed on a yacht by this time, Dawson.' Pacey was surprised by how much his voice gave away his struggle, because normally he was quite good at hiding his emotions, one of the things he'd learned in his job. 'I had the chance to become a chef there and I met a girl with a really successful father and step brother. They wanted to employ me, but I wanted to go home. Not one day passed that I was not thinking about Joey. I wanted to come home. I wanted to know what she'd wanted to tell me the day I called her but cut her off. I wanted her in my arms again. God, Dawson, I wanted to come home so badly.'

'Why didn't you?' Dawson asked in a low voice and fixated Pacey, who sat staring into the flames but really didn't see anything. He remained silent for a moment before he took a deep breath.

'Because my father told me that exact same thing.' He turned his head and looked into Dawson's eyes, maybe for the first time since they'd met again and he was surprised to find understanding and sadness in them. The sting in his eyes and his shaking voice surprised him even more, so he swallowed his emotions. He wondered why it still made him that weak, even after he knew, that Grace was his. 'That she was pregnant with your child, Dawson. That Joey abandoned me, that she ran into your arms the moment I'd left.' He shook his head slightly to silence him as Dawson was about to say something. 'No, Dawson I didn't believe him, because it was so unlike Joey to just turn around and seeking comfort in another one's arms . Especially not in that way. She's such a private person when it comes to intimacy. I couldn't believe it, but he insisted that it was the truth. And so did Doug. What reason did I have to not believe it, when both of them insisted it to be the truth. Even my mother told me so...' He met Dawson's gaze and couldn't do much more then shrug. 'I know I have been a coward. Really, I don't know why I believed them. I was just so deeply hurt. Joey had been strange on the phone the other day, so I just believed that she wanted to tell me she'd cheated on me. I don't know what I thought…. Maybe I hadn't thought at all. I just, I….' He took a deep breath and shook his head again, his voice now quite. 'I wanted her to miss me like I missed her, but I had to face the fact that - in the end - you would get the girl. So I turned around and tried to left it all behind me. I took the offer I was given to work at the stock marketing here in Boston, I got involved with this girl… And I tried to not think of Joey ever again. I tried to erase her from my heart, but I thought about her more often than I wanted to.'

'Why didn't you at least call me? Ask me?' Dawson asked carefully.

Pacey chuckled humorless. 'And what should I have said? "Hi Dawson, it's me Pacey. We haven't spoken in forever and we didn't say good-bye on the best terms - in fact we weren't even friends at that time. Look, I know you're mad at me for loving your soul-mate and maybe for a hundred other reasons. And, really, I don't want to hang long. But dude, I have a question, it will only take thirty seconds to answer: I need to know if her baby is yours."?'

'Yes Pacey, something like that. Really what should have happened?'

Pacey swallowed hard and his expression was all serious as he answered. 'You could have laughed at me. You could have just not answered the question, because - why should you? But in the worst case, you could have said yes. This was my greatest fear. I often dreamt about you saying yes and it made me wake up in the middle of the night, sweat soaked and heartbroken, shaking. I knew I couldn't have stand it. It would have broken me all over again and I was just about to be better.' He faced Dawson and could see the resentment in his face. 'I know what you're about to say and you're so damn right! I have been a dumbass and recreant, but I just couldn't get myself to it. So I fled into a relationship, into meaningless sex, into work… I got really, really successful. I finally was good at what I was doing.' He nodded as he looked over the neck of his bottle into the slowly fading fire. 'Only that the memories of Jo hunted me down. And the fact, that I lost her to you…' He shook his head. 'Don't get me wrong here, D. I wanted her happy, I really did. I wanted her to be with someone who could give her what I couldn't. I wanted her to be with someone who she could trust and depend on. I just… I so hoped it would be me in the end.'

Pacey felt exhausted. He expected the third degree from Dawson, but instead there was a hand on his leg and Dawson sat beside him. 'It has always been you, Pacey.' Dawson said in a quiet voice, friendly and warm. 'She loved you so much it almost broke her, she only held herself together for Grace. If you ask me, she would have treaded Grace at any point, if it would have brought you back to her.'

There was a long time of silence.

'She had a really hard time, you know? She had next to no money and everything she had, she gave to Grams for letting her life here and needed the rest for Grace. She worked at Hell's Kitchen at lunch and sometimes in the nights, cleaned a school in the evenings. At some point she started painting again, but she couldn't sell much. It was really rough for her. She slept far too little, let alone eating. She worried a lot. As Grace was born she laid her to sleep in the changing room of Hell's Kitchen, so she was able to work as much as she could, even though she nursed her. Obviously with her not eating enough she soon ran out of milk. By that time she left Grace with Grams, sometimes Jen and Jack or me, when I was around, with baby milk and went to work for six hours, came back to spent an hour or two with her daughter and then back to work for the night shift. Money just never had been enough. It was so damn hard. But she never asked for help, never complained. The only time, I really saw her breakdown, was as Grace fell so badly sick, no one knew if she would survive it. Joey sat by her bed all night and day, but she wanted to go to work, so she could afford the hospital. She called me one night, cried her heart out and just said: "Dawson, I'm going to go crazy, I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry, but really, you are the only one who can help me. I can't leave Grace alone, but when I continue to stay away from work, I will be out of money by tomorrow night." I never heard her crying on the phone - I barely had seen her so far down ever in her life. It was no question I helped her. Not that I hadn't offered it before. I came here and paid the bill, I sat with her, when everybody was working. I cared for her to get enough sleep.' Dawson held his eyes. 'You know what the first thing was, she said to me, as I came here and held her for God only knows how long? She said: "My God Dawson, I just wished Pace would be here, too…".' He took a deep breath. 'So why am I telling you this? To make you understand, that she hadn't been alone, but she was lonely.'

Pacey listened and felt even worse, with every word Dawson said because at this time he had already had more money than he could spent in two lifetimes and Joey had struggled for everything.

'As she was better, Grace was in daycare three times a week, so Joey had more time for working, When I was around I used to collect Joey from work. I renovated the room upstairs with Jack on my account. Not that Joey knew, she actually gave me money for it, but I sent it back to her account. She's the mother of a child. Even more so the child of my best friend…' There was a long silence until Dawson broke it again. 'Pacey, can I ask you something?'

Pacey nodded.

'Why hadn't you come back earlier?'

'Because I was afraid, Dawson. ' Pacey said without having to think about it. 'I was afraid, that I would be falling for her like I did all these years ago. That I would again fall for her, when she truly was yours. I rather lived with the pain and reluctance the memories of her brought, than to meet her again, love her again, but never possibly hope to be with her again….'

'And why now?'

'I stumbled into Jack and Jen one night, or rather they into me. And they told me about Joey's accident. About Grace being mine… And about not being able to pay for her intensive care any longer.' He shrugged. 'I couldn't believe what they were saying, but I decided that I would at least come and see her. I had already decided to pay for her medical care, even if her child was yours, because… well.' He swallowed and hated, the tears that were building up in his eyes. He didn't wanted to cry and so he tried to blink them away. '...well, because I loved her still. I felt it deep down inside, the moment Jen spoke her name. It was just no question at all, that I would take care of it, because whatever happened - she had been my life. Besides, I don't need my money. At least not all of it.' He grinned as he met Dawson's eyes. 'And the fact, that you obviously weren't around proved them right, I guess. Even if it hadn't reached my brain by the time, I guess my heart understood the meaning of it quite well. Had Grace been yours, and Joey your wife, you wouldn't be in Hollywood, directing some Blockbuster. You would be right here.' Pacey took a deep breath and realised for the first time, that Dawson's absence was the reason, he had been able to went to the hospital in the first place. It held a promise and made him free, even he hadn't realized it by that time. 'I went to the hospital and saw for myself, Dawson. As Grace saw me for the first time, she instantly called me Dada, I met her blue eyes and I realized, that she really could only be mine. I looked at Joey and realized just how badly I screwed this one.' He swallowed and fell silent. Dawson too did not say another word for a long while.

'You know, it's my fault that she got run over that night, Pacey. That's the reason I never came to visit her. Had I been there earlier like I promised, nothing of this would have happened.' Dawson ran his hands through his now short hair, a gesture that was so typically Dawson, that it almost made Pacey smile. 'I promised her, I would be there, but then I had this really important call and an urgent meeting and…'

'It wasn't you fault, Dawson' Pacey interrupted him, his voice hoarse.

'What?' Dawson stared at him with wide eyes and open-mouthed.

Pacey shook his head and stood. He placed a hand on the chimney and leaned against it. 'I know who did it.'

'You k-n-o-w?' Dawson stared at him in pure disbelief. 'Why hadn't you reported that bastard?'

'In fact I have. She is waiting for her trail.'

'Who… and why? Why would anyone possibly…'

Pacey threw a little more wood into the fireplace. Silently he went into the kitchen, to fetch two new bottles of beer before he sat down again. He took a deep breath, before he began to tell Dawson about Audrey and all the things that had happened in between. Dawson just listened. Afterwards they spent a long time just sitting there in complete silence, each hanging in their own thoughts until finally Dawson stood and said his goodbye.

'Thanks for telling me, Pacey.'

'You're welcome. Thanks for coming by.'

Dawson nodded. 'Hope we see each other more recently now, Pacey.' He placed a hand on Pacey's shoulder. 'I guess I missed you, man!'

'Yeah, me too.' Pacey grinned as he pulled him into his arms in a brotherly hug.

Dawson left the house quietly and Pacey sat back down on the sofa, feeling strangely lonesome.

Reviews are motivation :-)


	11. CH 9 - Moving On

_Hello again,_

 _so, I guess it had been quite a looooooong time since I wrote anything. But recently I found this unfinished story and a lot stuff still to be postet. (And a whole lot of new ideas in my head)._

 _If you guys like this update and want me to write more, just say so._

 _Have fun reading and don't forget to review :)_

 _Yours,_

 _Yana_

 **Incomplete**

\- moving on -

This night Pacey sat for a long time in front of the fireplace and thought about Capeside and for the first time in a long time he thought about the True Love and all they had sacrificed for that beautiful summer of love.

He rembered how much it hurt him, to loose that beloved ship and all the memories they'd made along with it. How he got the notion, that everything he and Joey had together, had been bound to that ship. To building it together, sailing it into sunrise and storm... That somehow their love was doomed to founder like this ship. As slowly the fire went cold Pacey sighed heavily. He knew sleeping just wouldn't be possible and so he put his shoes and jacket on and left the house.

The cold hit him and so he tightened his coat and put his hands deep into his pockets. His breath built clouds in the chilly morning air and the snow crunched quietly beneath his feet, as Pacey walked the early morning streets for how long he couldn't say. The cold did him good as did the fresh air. His thoughts drifted by, while he did nothing but walking. The city around him dressed up in a brightly lightes gown - it was Christmas after all. But he found himself dreaming of his lost ship once more. Oh, how he longed to be out on the open sea again, to sail away with that woman he loved by his side, to see her laugh, to feel the wind on his skin, the sun burning down on him, nothing like sky above and sea beneath… Leaving all heavy things on shore. Get to teach his little girl to sail before she even would have learned to swim, to make Joey smile that beautiful free smile again, to listien to the sail dancing with the wind, being nursed into sleep by the gentle swing of the boat on the water. He suddenly realized, that he hadn't been sailing for far too long. His job had consumed him almost entierly and with Audrey there had been cruising for sure, but not like he meant it. He scoffed as he thuoght about her presenting him with a cruise for his birthday and he almost choked on the champagne he was drinking, as she told him so. He remebered, that he imagined her on a boat like the True Love had been and found it hard to believe, that she would really go sailing with him. It turned out, she had booked them a cruise on a four deck yacht with all inclusive service. He had faked a happy face, but it just wasn't what he had wished for. She just hadn't been like Joey in every possible way. And as he now walked the sleeping, peaceful streets all by himself, he realized, that this was maybe the true reason why he got into her, because she didn't remind him of Joey the slightes bit. Couldn't hope to messure up to her ever and why he knew, he wouldn't had married her in a thousend years - beause what his heart wanted was someone else.

At length he found himself in front of the hospital and it made him chuckle. He wondered how it could be, that it was always her to whom his heart led him, when he needed to find some peace. Like she was his magnetic north. His homepoint. His haven. The one place in the world, where he could lay his head and heart at rest. It has always been her and he couldn't understand how he'd made it for so long without her.

Pacey took a deep breath and entered, walked well-known corridors, smiled at the nureses and finally reached his goal.

'Mister Witter!' A nurse walked up to him. 'Are you okay?' She looked at him concerned and Pacey nodded.

'Yeah, I just needed to see her is all' He pointed at Joey's door and was surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded.

'She's asleep, but go ahead. If you need anything…'

'I'm good.' He passed the nurse by and entered. The moment the door closed behind him he felt at peace. His eyes rested on her sleeping form as he put his coat, scarf and hat on the clothes rack to hopefully dry and sat on the chair beside her.

Pacey let out a relieved breath. Ternderly he took her hand. 'I love you Joey. I always, always loved you.' He kissed the sleeping womans hand. 'I just hope you can forgive me someday.' Pacey closed his eyes and felt utterly exhausted. Oh God, he was tired.

'Pacey?' Pacey woke with a real bad pain in the neck, obviously he'd been fallen asleep on that chair and slept in the most uncomfortable position possible. Joey had reached out for him and tuoched his leg ever so carefully.

Pacey blinked and smiled the most bashful smile, because he hadn't meant to fall asleep, not had he wanted to spent the night.

'Are you okay?' She asked quietly. 'Did you spend the night?'

'I…' Pacey avoided her glance and closed his eyes for another moment, but then he chuckled and tried to swallow his emotions. 'Actually I couldn't sleep and so I ambled through the nightly streets. Well, I guess my feet just brought me to you on their own behalf. And…' he harrumohed. 'well I guess I'm just used to be here and… I just… I guess I missed you and… Maybe I needed to know, if…' He felt all nervous and so he stood, but as he was about to turn, her hand got his wrist and held onto it.

'Pacey.' Her voice a whisper on her breath he turned to look hat her. She smiled at him and it warmed him all up inside. She pulled him nearer. 'Come here, please.' She pleaded with him and he gave in, because what else could he possibly do? As he sat on her bedside she laid her hand on his cheek.

'I'm glad you're here. I missed waking with you being around.' He grinned at that and dispite that stinging pain in his neck he bend forward, but stopped in his movement. 'Jo?' Oh, but he needed to get his body under control, he was shaking quite literally. As she looked into his eyes with almost dilated pupils and her breath coming quickly. He just needed to kiss her, to reassure himself, that he was allowed to still do so.

'Hm?'

'Would you mind me…'

She let out an amused laugh, as she placed a hand behind his neck an draw him closer. 'I would mind, if you wouldn't, you fool.' And a heartbeat later their lips met and Pacey felt like melting into her.

* * *

Dawson had left the morning after their talk and Pace chose to not talk with Joey - or anyone for that matter - about their talk. Especially not the past, because he couldn't unmake it, even thuogh he knew, that at some opint Joey would ask him the exact same questions. But he felt better and he wasn't about to let anything ruin that good mood.

* * *

It was three days since Joey had woken up and she got better by the day. She wasn't hooked up on any drips anymore and the chances were, that she could leave intensive care by New Years Day, but she was still sleeping most of the days. When she was awake, she used to hold his hand and reassure that he really wasn't about to leave her again. Grace joined him almost every time and Pacey was just so glad, that they could finally start to become a family. They hadn't kissed like that fist time again, mostly because Grace needed almost all of her mothers attention at the short periods she was actually awake. It was more than okay with Pacey. He knew just how much the little girl had missed her mother and so he stepped back. Just sat there, holding Joey's hand and watched them bonding. It was all he needed, because he was a part of it nonetheless. They became a family and it was overwhelming.

* * *

So Pacey slowly got himself a dayly routine. He stayed with Joey during the day and in the evenings until she was asleep. Since Joey was better, he slept at Grams house, so he was able to provide some safety and habitual for the little girl. They had breakfast with Joey at the hospital, because she was always best in the mornings. Then he would drop Grace at Grams again for her nap and went to Hells Kitchen, to renovate. He liked to actually get some work done, with his own hands again. He bounded easily with Eddie, who practically lived in that place and really was a great help. Usually Jack would be there too and Jen used to join them or at least drop by around 3 pm. They renovated, painted walls, reagranged funiture, got a new billardplate….

Pacey used todrop by at Joey's every now and then and he made sure to always spent at least two hours with Grace at Grams playing or reading or simply cuddling. Before he called it a day, he'visited Joey again and stayed with her until she was asleep. Sometimes he drove back to Hells Kitchen again, but usually he just made his way to Grams. Life had become so much easier since Joey was better. She could even feel her legs again and so there was hope, that she would actually be able to get on her own two feet again.

* * *

Jack, Jen, Eddie and Pacey had grown pretty close and Pacey felt like he'd always been a part of the group. It almost felt like back in High School, finally there were people who just liked him for who he was. He hadn't heard of his family, Audrey or Rich agan and honestly he was glad about it.

Pacey employed Eddie, because he needed the job and was good at it, he knew the customers and Pacey needed someone devoted to this place, because by the time Joey would be at home, she' would need more care than she did now. And even if the odds were good, but it still was not entierely sure if she'd be able to walk again.

The quartet renovated and refunished Hells Kitchen They had closed it two weeks ago for Christmas and planned a reopening in February. Mostly because Jack had decided that Pacey needed something to do other than spending all of his waking hours at Joey's bedside and he had been right to urge him into it. It really turned out to be a really good therapy, even though he did most of the planning and ordering from Joey's hospitalsroom nonetheless. They wanted a stage for the giggs, but planned on having tables up there all nights without giggs. Pacey wanted different kinds of tables, lower ones with cushions to sit on, corners with sofas, ordinary tables with chairs and high tables with barstools. Eddie attened a cocktail-workshop these days and Pacey planned on having at least a little menu other than burgers and french fries, but hold the price-level for the students that made most of the custumers.

Jen was around oftentimes, she helped decorate and Pacey just coulnd't help but notice the looks she shot towards Eddie. Recently Jen stood on a chair and tried to place some decorative-thing on a cupboard but couldn't reach it, so Eddie climbed the chair behind her and helped her with a few inches more length arm. As his hand touched Jens arm their eyes met and for a second Pacey thought he could almost hear the air crackling around them. Pacey looked towards Jack, who obviously had noticed it too and both of them chuckled over it. Jen shot her friends a look over her shoulder, but what started as a glare instantly turned into laughter as she met Eddies sheepish grin and saw the shit eating grins of the two men standing there watching them, they didn't even try to hide. Ever since Joey had woken up, the tension was gone and Pacey felt as if especially Jen started to finally live again.

'Okay guy's, let's call it a day.' Pacey slumpered down on the most comfy couch and his gaze wandered through the room. He was sure, that Joey would love it. It was almost done. Some details were missing, such as the billard-plate Pacey had ordered. The old jukebox Eddie said Joey loved, fitted perfectly into the atmosphere. It was perfect, even more as it had been, the night Pacey first set foot in it. 'Anyone cares for some pizza?' He asked and Jack cheered.

'Yeah man! Let's grab some and have it with Joey, Grams and Grace.' Pacey beamed at Jack, because that was exactly what he planned on doing.

'What's with the two of you?' Pacey turned towards Eddie and Jen.

Eddie shook his head. 'Sorry man, got plans. Next time.'Pacey could tell from the look in his face, exacty what plans he got

'Righty then - Jen are you coming?' Jack asked with the most innocent look on his face and it almost made Pacey burst with laughing. Jen remained silent her eyes filickered between the three boys back and forth, the slightest bit of a blush graced her cheeks. 'Jen?' Pacey asked with a smirk, but mimicked Jacks obliviousness.

'Well… I… I've got plans too…' She stuttered while she bit nervously on her lip.

'You do?' Jack akes, with a mischievious sparkle in his eyes, that only Pacey seemed to notice.

'Yeah… I… I got to work on my article…' She seemed satisfied with her response and almost sure, that she'd be out of trouble with this.

'Jen, you finished that article yesterday.' Jack said in the most serious tone he could possibly muster up.

'Um… The…. the other one.' Jen rushed to say and shot Eddie a sideway-look. Pacey decided to have mercy on her and threw his friend his jacket.

'Come on Jackers, she has p-l-a-n-s…' He winked at Jen over his shoulder and said: 'You two lock the door when you leave.'

'But…' Pacey led Jack towards the door.

Jen mouthed a thank you and Eddie grinned.

As the door fell shut behind them, Jack chuckled. 'Who could have guessed?'

Pacey grinned. 'Yeah… It hasn't been all that surprising now, has it?' And as he looked at Jacks face, it appeared to him, that maybe it has been thuogh.

Pacey tousled Jacks hair in a friendly gesture 'Come on, Jackers, let's get this pizza.'

* * *

After that pizza, Pacey carried the already sleeping girl upstairs and got her to bed. Now he lounged in Joey's armchair. He loved to be in that room, even though it was small, it had become his home. He barely ever set foot in his flat anymore and thought about selling it. In fact he'd seen that pretty little house, with a huge garden and he planned on buying it. He'd contacted the estate agent and made an appointment for the next morning. He would renovate it and made it a home for Joey and Grace and himself, so they could be a family for real. He almost pictured Grace playing in the garden, Joey sitting in an gardenswing and reading a book and himself being around there somewhere too, maybe doing some gardening. Oh, he would love it there.

He poured himself a glass of red wine as he dreamt about their life and as he took a sip and looked thruogh the room, his eyes got fixated on that book Joey made for him. He took a deep breath, put the wine away and grabbed it.

Like always he let his finger draw along the artsy writing on the front, but for the first time the deeply felt, restrickting sadness that held his heart was gone. All that was left was nervousness and curiosity of what he'd find in there.

He read the dedication again and even thuogh it was heavy on his heart, he felt able to finally go on reading and so he turned the page with a pounding heart.

What he found there made his heart skip a beat, because Joey had glued a pregnancy-test there, dated two days before their call. Underneath there were only a few hastily written sentences:

/You asked me once to ask you to stay - remember? Couldn't you hear me screaming for you to come back as we talked today? I'm pregnant Pacey. Oh God and I'm so damn terrified.

Please come back. Please Pacey…./

'I'm here now, Jo.' He whispered. He could almost picture her crumble by his refusing to listen to her. He'd known she wanted to tell him something important and he still felt deeply sorry that he hadn't given her the chance to do so. But then again, he wasn't sure if they'd been able to rebuilt their already bruised relationship on that. He was pretty sure, that he'd blamed himself for being careless enuogh to sleep with her unprotected and in the end had in fact restricted her to Capeside. Though, from where he stood now, he was heartbroken for her that she had been forced to go through those times alone, but now he was in a position where he could lay the word to her feet, he could grant her everything and he could offer Grace whatever future she wanted to have. They would never ever have to worry about financial things ever again, they could spent as much time together as they wanted to…

But - he'd left her nontheless, at a time she'd needed him, and badly so.

Pacey took a deep breath and turned the page.

 _Want more? Please review :)_


	12. CH10 - Letters

_Hello again,_

 _*surprise update*_

 _Well, I hadn't expected that much of reviews - thanks to all of you who did it gave me huge motivation._

 _Have a good read :)_

 _Yours, Yana_

 _(Disclaimer: I have no rights on_ _Donny Montell's "Love is blind", just borrowed the lyrics)_

 **Incomplete**

\- letters -

Dearest Pacey,

Okay, so now I'm a little more sorted. It's been 3 weeks since our telephone-call and I still can't believe you won't come back. That you refused to give me the chance to at least tell you. God, I need you here Pacey. I need you so much. 'Why do you need someone like me?' you ask? I would have told you, but you cut me off. I understand that you need this time off, I understand you need to find yourself. But I have to tell you this and as you wouldn't listen, I'll just write it down. (In fact I already did, but as though you haven't read it by now, I'll just write it once again…)

I'm pregnant Pace! There can't be any doubt. I made at least five test's since that last one (And every time I couldn't get myself looking at them, so I had Jen do it for me. At last she just rolled her eyes at me and scoffed 'Still positiv, Joey. I guess you'll taking a hundred tests won't change the fact, that you are expecting a Baby.' Bam! There she'd said it, matter of factly.) And now I'm sitting here and don't know what I'm going to do. I wanted to let you know. I wanted to have you to have my back in whatever decision I made. We _should_ make it together, actually. We _have to_ make it together. I can't do it alone, Pacey. It just feels all wrong to do it alone. God, I'm so confused. Afraid. Terrified even. I told Gretchen. That's the reason she urged you to call me. I guess I have to tell Bessie sooner or later now, because you're not coming back in time to help me made a decision, obviously.

I almost can see your face now. Ever so slowly realizing, that this baby is ours. Yours and mine. I can feel your hand on my cheek, asking me, what I want. So, Pacey, what do _I_ want? I want to have this baby. (Imagine my big grin…) I want to have it, because it's yours - and so am I. Yes, yes, yes - I know what you'd be saying now. You would ask me about college and going to Boston and all of this. Let me tell you: I never wanted to leave Capeside without you. (As a matter of fact I canceled my spot in Boston High the morning of the prom and wouldn't be going there either way obviously. But I didn't got the chance to tell you that regretfully. Maybe you would have been angry with me for doing so (you dropped me without knowing nonetheless, it couldn't have made anything worse for that matter of fact), but as I told you over and over again: I don't wanna go without you! You would ask me, how to finance everything… I can work as waitress at the Leery's or just help out in die B &B for a small outcome at least. (And don't you dare to have me in cotton wool. I won't be working at the docks, obviously. I'm not sick, I just having your Baby…. Yours! Imagine that. Wow! It's terrifying, but it makes me happy from deep down my soul to my fingertips. We'll be a family. You and me and that little being coming to life inside of me.

Just please come home "Dad" (funny reading it, isn't it?)

Yours forever,

Joey

* * *

Pacey chuckled at the way Joey wrote this letter. It felt as if she was talking to him and he was glad, that he hadn't read those letters earlier. He poured himself another glass of wine and leaned back to read on.

* * *

My love,

I told Bessie and even though she isn't happy about me being pregnant, she's nothing but understandable and supportive. We decided to make me an doctor's appointment. I guess, what I want to tell you is, that I will have that child and I so hope, that is what you would have wanted too.

So, I had been at the doctor's office today. I'm approx in my tenth week, I can't believe it's less than ten weeks since I saw you for the last time, it feel like a lifetime. Okay, but what I wanted to tell you is: I heard it's heartbeat today… God, it's unbelievable Pace! I just wished I could have share that moment with you. I just know, you had been burst with pride an joy and awe. I could watch it moving inside me, even though I cannot feel it by now… It's so unbelievable - there is a person growing in me! And it's a result of you loving me - or more precisely _did_ love me at the time we made it. I got a picture. It's beautiful.

God, how I wished I could share this with you.

I love you,

Jo

* * *

On the next page Joey had glued an ultrasound-picture of the baby in her belly. He grinned because she drew lines from points in the picture and wrote words to their ends like "head", "arm", "leg", "nose" and he shook his head laughing silently, because really he'd been lost without those guidelines. But with them it was quite obvious how the picture was to be seen and he stared in awe at it. Carefully he let his finger draw a line over this very first picture of his daughter and wished he'd had the chance to touch Joey's ever growing belly, to tell that little being inside her womb how much he loved her even before she had been born.

Beneath the ultrasound picture was one of a laughing Joey with expelled, only slightly curved belly, but looking at it, knowing that it was at the same time her doctor had been able to make a picture of the baby inside, showing everything down to her tiptoes made him devoted to the wonder that was his daughter.

* * *

My love,

It's in the middle of the night and it's awfully hot and humid here, guess there'll be a storm coming soon. I hate storms. Even more so without you by my side. I'm sitting outside on the docks, with my feet in the creek, because I have a little more air here. (And because, everytime I sit here, it feels like the chance that you just come walking down the dock seems so much more realistic than sitting at home. I tried the wall too, but it didn't work, you know?). Have you ever stayed up the whole night, waiting for a telephone-call. Just to hear the one you love say hello? Well, I did most nights, but I decided sitting out here was much less dauntingly. The baby is fine, by the way. I just wished the same were true about me. I can barely eat, let alone sleep. If Bessie wouldn't force me to at times, I would just cease it. Oh crap, I don't even know if you want this child. But I want it and I hope so much, that you won't be mad at me for having made this decision without you, but I couldn't get a hold on you after we talked that night.

I help Bessie out in the B&B and can have a little reserve fund by the time you get here. But don't raise any hopes, it won't be much, because the doctors bills are really…. Okay, lets not speak of it.

Please just answer at least Gretchen's calls. I really need to speak with you.

Miss you more than ever.

Sincerely Yours,

Joey

PS: Oh yes, before I forgot - Jack dates your brother, but only behind closed doors obviously.

* * *

Pacey smirked, he'd always known that his brother had a thing for Jack and he wondered what made them fall apart and why Dough hadn't told him about it. They had been pretty close these days after all.

He took a deep breath, looked at the picture once more, before he turned the page.

* * *

My dear Pacey,

I swear it's your child! You have to believe me! Please, Pace... There's been no other. Never before and never since. Only you. It's your child. And mine. The remainings of the wonderful thing we were. I promise you it's yours.

Your father came by today and wanted to talk me into abortion. He said he would pay it and the only thing I would have to do, would be promising to never ever let you know of this child of yours. That it was a shame for the family. But I can't kill this baby. I won't! It's yours. God! I so wish you were here. You are the only one I really want to talk about this. I need you to know. You surely understand. I would not be able to look you in the eyes and _not_ telling you about your child and about how your father forced me to kill it. I can't do it. I won't. Please don't be mad with me.

He threatened, that he would somehow stop the credit we've got for the B&B. But I will have that baby, whether you'll ever come back to know about it or not. I'm pretty sure your family won't tell you, though. Or if they do, they most likely tell you lies. But know this: It is your child and yours alone.

I love you and I so long for your embrace.

Come back soon,

Jo

* * *

Pace felt the raging anger arose in him again. He hadn't spoken with his father since their fallout. He'd sent his mother a postcard and called Gretch. God he was so ashamed of being linked to them and he still couldn't believe what they had done - even more so feeling completely right about it.

He turned the page.

One side was filled with a photo collage showing an obviously pregnant Joey packing boxes, Jack in the driver's seat of a little transporter and Jen in the front seat, many more pictures of moving and finally Joey sitting on a box in Grams living room. She held a glass of water in one hand waving with the other one, a total exhausted look on her face. And a last one of all of them standing in front of Gram's house.

* * *

My love,

I moved in with Grams, Jen and Jack. After many lies that spread through Capeside it really is not the place I can be right now. Someone spread the lie, the baby was Dawsons. Can you believe it? Do you know what this implies? That I got into his bed right after you'd dumped me at prom. In Capeside they whisper this was the cause Gretchen dumped Dawson. In fact she didn't dump him at all, they just agreed, that her in Paris and him in Hollywood wouldn't work out and so they decided for a break up.

Jack said that most likely Doug and the sheriff were the source of those rumors and for that reason Jack broke up with Doug. He said he can't be with someone able to spread those lies about me (and you for the matter of fact). I'm so sorry for Jack - he was the happiest I've seen them in years with your gorgeous brother. I hate to be the reason they broke up, but it was horror Pacey. Since I'm not able to hide my condition any longer (it's almost halfway through pregnancy by now, approx 20th week), they call me a slut and even worse names when I cross the street. As if it wouldn't be enough already, that I am alone with this, as if I needed a constant reminder. God, I'm so worn up inside.

I wallowed enough - bottomline is: I live in Boston now.

Bessie wanted me to stay in Capeside but I just can't. Last week someone called me, asking me if it was true I wanted to give my child up for adoption, because if so, she wanted it and would pay me a huge amount of money. What's up with those people, Pace? I can't just _sell_ your child! I wouldn't. Why's this happening?

I need you to be part of this. I so desperately need you by my side. I feel so hopelessly alone in this, even though there are so many lovely people around me, you're missing - the only one that really matters - gone!

Yesterday I felt her for the first time. Did I tell you I'm - no we are - expecting a baby-girl? (I can hear you saying she would look like me, but I hope she'll have your eyes.) She moved inside me and I began to cry because I wanted to share it with you so badly. I wanted to lay with you on that ridiculously small bed, have your hand on my belly and share with you that miracle. (I've forgotten how your touch feels.) Well, it's not going to happen obviously. You'll have the most beautiful daughter and I wish nothing more than for you to meet her someday.

I got a job at a bar named Hell's Kitchen as a waitress. Need to earn some money so I can give some of it to Grams for having me and save some for the baby. And I started painting again, maybe I can sell one picture or another and have some extra money. Recently I started to clean up Hell's Kitchen in the early morning hours,after my shifts ends, So I'm working from 6pm to 3:30 in the mornings. My back kills me, but really, I need to save some money.

I love you and I miss you more every day,

Yours with love,

Jo

* * *

'I'm sorry for not being there.' He stared at the photo Joey had added to the letter, showing her with an unmistakable baby belly. And man it made her even more attractive. He knew, had he been around, he won't had been able to keep his hands off of her.

He turned the page and found a tiny red handprint and beneath it a photograph of the cutest babyface and a second that showed Joey with a tired smile as she held the baby in her arm and the photograph of him leaning against that little bundle that was his daughter. Joey had written "Grace Lillian Witter born march 18th 2001" underneath.

He stared at that page for quite some time, placed his hand on that print of his daughter's hand and smiled over the tiny dimension. He tried to really understand it. Joey had brought this photo of him with her in the hospital so he could be part of it, even if he hadn't actually been there. And seeing her name written in Joey's handwriting was like a little piece of art in itself. He'd almost forgotten about Bessie telling him, that Grace had been named after him and her having Joey's mother's name as middlename fitted perfectly, because she had been his mother in a way too.

* * *

My dear Pacey,

today I gave birth to your daughter. Oh, but she's the most beautiful girl in the whole world. And she has your eyes.

God, I wish you could see her! She's your's I swear it on everything - there never had been another one, even if everyone tells different. Your family say's she must be Dawson's and I guess they told you so. And I fear that is the reason you'd never came back. But she is yours! I Tried to get in touch with you a thousand times by now, but whether you'd changed all your contacts or you just ignore me I can't say. I have done nothing wrong, I promise. I have been true to you and I am waiting for you until one day you come back and see for yourself.

I named her Grace, because that's what she is. She's your gift for me and her name taste just like yours on my lips. So everytime I call her by her name it's like you're there also, Pace. (Her second name ist Lilian, I hope you don't mind.) Oh, how I wish you could share this moment with me. To kiss her nose and count her adorable tiptoes, to watch her sleep. She's amazing and the first thing that made me smile ever since you'd left.

How I long for you to be here, to go through this with me. It will be hard, but I'll give my best, even though I have no idea how I shall afford any of it. She will be a happy girl and I will see, that there won't be tragedies like there had been in our family's.

She has your last name, even though your father had forbidden me to tie her to your family. I won't expect anything from them, I will not ask them for anything, I just want her to know who her father is, because he still holds my heart and most likely this will never change.

I love you and I will teach her to do so also.

Sincerely Yours,

Jo

* * *

He chuckled as he read this letter as well as it brought tears to his eyes. She named her Grace, because she felt like saying his name when she said hers. Yes it was cheesy, but he loved her for it. It was the most precious gift he'd ever received from anyone and for him it made totally clear how very much she'd loved and missed him all the way long.

* * *

There's this song, that I heard yesterday, write you the lyrics because it made me cry, because it's so true…. Sorry

When the day becomes the night

You know that I think of you

And I cannot control my heart

It's crying for you

Loneliness is killing me

I'm helpless without your love

Knowing when you touch someone

I can't understand…

Now it's tearing me apart

I want you back

And it's made me realize

Just what I had

Love is blind it's true

Nobody is like you

My endless melody

I play for me and you

Love is blind it's true

I'm on my knees for you

I'd give it all I can

To have you back again

Dear Pacey,

I just woke from a dream. I dreamt of you and it was just so hard to accept, that you weren't there as I woke up. If I have had the choice, I would be sleeping my whole life just to have the chance of dreaming about you. I know it's selfish. And most of all for Grace it would be unfair. I just… God, I still miss you so damn much. No evening passes without me realizing how very much I yearn for you. For you to share with me, to be with me. I still kiss you every night before I go to sleep. I still hope to find you someday. But I guess there's another woman in your life by now. Someone else that got to kiss you, to banter with you, to be charmed by you. Some girl lucky enough to wake in your arms and the moment she opened her eyes she'll met yours and will be overwhelmed with all the love and devotion she will find there - renewed every morning. Someone else who are allowed to be what I had been for you. (Really, I just can't stand the thought, that there is another woman by your side. Getting you the way I had. But I heard rumours, you're about to get married. Well, congratulations, I guess.) I just hope she makes you happy. That she's your safe haven, that she catches your every fall, that she's witty and sweet and lovely and kind - and beautiful. God, I so wish that you're happy and that you've finally found someone you're able to love without getting the notion of not being enough for.

I'm sorry I couldn't create that feeling in you. And even if you'll never read any of this, just know that I love you. I've always loved you and I don't believe this feeling will ever leave me, so - if by any chance you're wondering - if by any chance you don't come back to me because you're afraid, just know I don't hold any anger. I just hope, that someday we'll meet again and we'll be able to at least be friends.

I love you,

Joey

* * *

Pacey blinked several times, because he couldn't believe what he'd read. She wrote about wanting to sleep her life away long before she had this accident. And it made him wonder if she'd really decided to sleep on, while everyone around her begged her to wake up again.

On the following pages there were lots more of letters and even more photos. The one that catches his eye the most was one of Grace sitting in a cute dress in Grams livingroom unpacking a present, beside it was another handprint.

* * *

Dear Pacey,

It's Grace's first birthday today. I managed to buy her a present. We found that secondhand wooden railway with trains and all, Grams helped me out with a little money. You should have seen it. She played so beautifully with it.

Oh, and she said "Dada" (Daddy - you) for the first time… I imagine it would make you beam with pride! She's such a smart, cute little girl. You'd love her!

… and I love you!

Jo

* * *

Pacey ran his hand through his hair. And cursed for the umteenth time over her struggling for financial things, while he easily could just decide to work not one day more in his life and would be good nonetheless. And not only would he be good, he would be perfect, he could still buy everything he wanted, he could make journeys to wherever he wanted to go, he could live absolutely carefree and still have enough to pass along. And she had to struggle for a second hand railway.

He switched through pages of photographs and pictures painted by Joey and some drawings from Grace. He was stunned by the beauty of Joey's pictures and wondered if she ever sold to the right people, because he knew some who would easily pay a huge amount of money to have one of those paintings in their bureaux or hallways.

* * *

Dear Pacey,

I came home from work late today. Dawson (don't you get your emotions up again, there's nothing for him in my heart aside from friendship. And he helped me a lot these days. Even renovated Grams attic so I got to have my own room.) picked me up on his way to Scarlett his amazing girlfriend. You'd like her, she's much like Jen (just a little more…. well… less subtle if you get what I'm saying), even though she's the irish girl's prototype - you know, pale skin, freckles, red hair, accent (and named Scarlett of course, I can see your grin). Oh, but she's gorgeous! The perfect fit (even though he is eager to tell everyone who will - or won't for the matter of fact - listen, that she's his girlfriend, not his soulmate… You can imagine it, I'm sure!)

I thought I saw you across the street with a real expensive car tonight. Dawson carried Grace, because my back was killing me from work. I have this really great waiting job at Hell's Kitchen, I guess you don't know it, it's a really nice place to be, I guess you could easily fall in love with that place. Eddie, the barkeeper offered me the job, after he'd known me for quite some time now and I worked there during my pregnancy as well. I guess he'd love us to be more than friends, but I can't. There's always you in my mind, so there'll be no one else. But today I was cleaning the bureaux and I'd picked Grace up late from kindergarten, because I just can't afford to call it a day to pick her up earlier (what ends up in higher costs for the kindergarten, ending up in me having to work even more…. and so on, but I won't wallow, I knew it would be hard right from the beginning). The moment I wanted to ask him if I was daydreaming the car started and the guy was gone. Dawson managed to make a picture of the license plate and told me, if it really had been you, you would surely be thinking of him and me as a couple and that Grace would truly be his.

But she isn't, I swear.

We asked Doug to check the license plate for It's owner, even though neither of us has much to do with him anymore.

So I called him, begged him to just check it for me… Turned out the car (black Audi it had been, now I remember) was accredited to some stock firm, surely nothing you would be involved with. You're most likely chef at some fancy restaurant by now. But I can't help the feeling Doug knows about your whereabouts and for some reason just holding back any Information. It could have been so easy tracking you down with this car.

It was you, wasn't it?

Still loving you,

Yours,

Joey

* * *

Pacey almost choked on his wine as he finished that letter. So Audrey had been here. She was the reason Joey actually got the idea to search for him in the firm. He shook his head. In some way this had been a life changing moment even though none of them knew it by then.

Audrey sure had been thinking of Joey with Dawson and counted her no danger at all, but in fact placed the last link into her hands and in the end caused their reunion in some way.

* * *

Happy birthday to me!

(underneath a picture of Joey and her birthday cake with Grace on her lap)

My love,

I've been thinking a lot about that car lately and I just decided to go there and ask for you. Because if they don't know you there, well maybe it really had been my head messing with me. But if they by any chance, do. Oh my God! (I'm nervous already! Feels like having a date.) It will be the happiest happy birthday of my life.

Maybe we'll see each other later.

I love you, I hope you still remember that,

Jo.

* * *

That has been the last one and Pacey stared at it for a really, really long time. He knew what happened afterwards. It was a bitter knowledge, but now everything would be better. He'd lay the world to her feet, he would be a father and a partner - and maybe, maybe she'd someday agree to marry him.

 **Want this to end here or want some more of it? Please take a minute of your time and R/R**


	13. Chapter 11 - Aftermath

_Hello everybody,_

 _thanks so much for reviews and follows. I guess there will be one or maybe two chapters left after this one, so please let me know what you're thinking._

 _Have fun reading, even if this is a short one._

 _Yours,_

 _Yana_

 _PS: If you by any chance come across one of my other stories - please leave me a review :)_

 **Incomplete**

\- aftermath -

Joey had been released from intensive care on New Year's Day, her condition had been better every day by then. The doctor said, if everything worked out as it did, she could be going home by february. Even though the doctor highly recommended a rehabilitation for Joey to regain more control over her legs, so that she would perhaps even be able to walk again.

Joey beamed at Pacey as the doctor had left the room. 'Did you hear this, Pacey? I may be walking again.'

He mirrored her face with overwhelming joy bubbling up inside of him. 'Yes, Joey, I heard her loud and clear. Thats fantastic news.'

'It really is, isn't it?' She smiled and held his hand. God, he could drown in those beautiful brown eyes and the urge to just kiss her was overwhelming. Bit he held back and just nodded, because it was. He remembered the first time he saw her laying in that bed wan as death and all the nights he'd spent wondering if she'd ever wake up again. The fact alone, that she was wide awake now, felt like a miracle to him, let alone the prognosis her doctor had given only moments ago. 'If everything works out as she plans, you may even be at home for the re-opening of Hell's Kitchen, Jo.' He'd shown her pictures of the progress and she liked it. Pacey couldn't deny how much he would love to have her there. To have her at home everyday for the matter of fact. They had not spoken of how or where they would live. Not even if they wanted to move in together at that point.

'I would love to be there, Pacey.' She said in a soft voice that touched something deep inside of him. 'I would really much like to be around in general.'

'Yeah, me too, Jo.' He cleared his throat. 'Joey I wanted to ask you something about…' Somebody knocked and Pacey stopped mid sentence, silently cursing the nurse which most likely stood outside to check in with Joey before the shifts handover.

Joey smiled a little smile at him and whispered: 'Don't forget what it was.' As the door opened.

Pacey turned around towards the door and the smile that had graced his face, fell from it and everything inside him clenched. He suck in a deep breath and his eyes widened as he saw who stood in the doorframe.

'Rich! What are you doing here?' Pacey's voice became dangerously quiet as he slowly stood and walked towards the door in an attempt of not letting him enter the room. He couldn't believe Rich had the guts to come here, just so. He even held a bunch of the most beautiful roses in his hands. Oh, but Pacey felt only anger bubbling up inside of him. He wanted to grab the other man's collar and shake him. Rich looked defeated as he watched Pacey coming around Joeys bed and stopped in front of him.

'I'm here to…' Rich cleared his throat, nervously running a hand through his hair. 'I wanted to bring best wishes to Miss Potter and…' He cleared his throat again and Pacey couldn't remember having seen Rich so nervous. 'And make you an offer you can't possibly refuse.' His eyes met Pacey's and he could see desperate need in them, but it did nothing but fed the raging anger. Pacey felt his hands shaking, his whole body was tense, he felt like bursting. But he forced it all down for Joy's sake, until nothing but his shaking hands remained.

Pacey scuffed. 'You're here to bargain with me, Rich?' He couldn't believe it. 'In her hospital room? Are you insane?' He kept his voice low, but Rich must be blind if he didn't saw his anger. Oh, how he wanted to just punch him in the face. To really hurt him. Because he was here now and hadn't been all the time in between. Not once had he asked him about her. Or about himself for the matter of fact. They had been so close, almost like brothers. Pacey knew why Rich was here now. He took another deep breath and he held himself together, again thankful for the good training that his former job had provided.

'Well, Witter, I'm…' Rich startet but Pacey cut him off.

'You're leaving!' Pacey pointed out, his voice ever so low. 'As in _now_!'

'You haven't actually listen to what I wanted to offer you.' Rich tried to tap his shoulder in a friendly manner, he tried to charm him, but Pacey could sense the other man's nervousness. The reason was all too clear. Audrey's trail was about to begin in less than a week and none of their reliable tactics had worked so far. She was likely to be shut away for a really, really long time. Their whole network hadn't worked on that one. She wasn't even allowed to wait for it at home, but was arrested for the risk of her running or going underground was much to high given her family's network, resources and influences.

'You're damn right I haven't and to be honest I'm not interested.' Pacey stared him down. 'You're leaving now, Rich. This is neither the place nor the time to make a deal.'

'But Witter, my friend…' The other man tried again, but Pacey shook his head almost imperceptible.

'Very well then.' Rich handed him the flowers and retreated by leaving the room.

As the door fell shut behind him, Pacey let out a silent breath. For a short moment he stared at the white door. He knew, Rich would be waiting outside for him, but he didn't gave that fact much thought. He just didn't want to have the conversation with Joey that was inevitably now, Rich had been here. Pacey desperately wanted to hold all those things away from her as long as she was in the hospital.

Pacey turned nonetheless and tried a nervous smile. 'Someone brought you flowers, I guess.' He tried in an attempt to ease the tension that was building up.

Joey didn't even pay attention at the bouquet Pacey was holding. She just stared at him with wide eyes, highly alarmed and the fear in them stung deep into Pacey's heart.

'Who was this man?'

Pacey cleared his throat. 'He was nobody, Jo, really.'

'Didn't seem like nobody to me.' She sat upright by now and looked at him. 'He made you angry, enraged even and frightened me.' She took his hand, it was ice cold. 'What's about him, Pacey?' Her voice gave away her fear and she narrowed her eyes. 'What deal did he want to make with you?'

Pacey closed his eyes as he sat down beside her once again, placing the flowers on the bedside table. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid. He hadn't even told her much about him knowing the person that ran her over. Just, that they'd caught and arrested her. Doug had been here to take her testimony. After that, there just hadn't been the right time to do so. At times Grace was around, he wouldn't tell her because of the girl. When they had been alone, there were always so many other things to say or just being together was important. And now... What should he tell her? That this man was the brother of his former girlfriend who ran her down because she wanted her dead because of Grace.

'Pacey?' Joey's voice was soft, but he knew she wouldn't let him out of this just so. He slowly opened his eyes only to meet hers and he felt like hell.

'Please don't ask Joey.' His voice was hoarse, but not in a good way. He felt utterly defeated, angry with Rich for showing up like he'd done and with himself for not having this talk earlier.

'I wanna know.' She urged. 'What if he comes again when you're gone?'

'He's my former boss, Jo. He won't harm you, I promise.' He looked deep into her eyes while he held her hand tenderly. He knew Rich wouldn't harm her, because even if he could, it would only worsen everything for him and even more so for his sister.

She nods, but he could feel her nervousness and fear.

'Don't you worry Jo, I'll handle him.' She held his eyes with hers and his hand tighter.

'Pacey - what deal? What kind of job were you involved in?' Joey urged, her voice quiet and slightly shaking. It was there and then, that he realized, that most of what he had said must have sounded like he'd been doing some kind of illegal stuff.

'I worked at the stock market, Jo. At Rinaldi's.' He said, feeling utterly defeated, his voice soundless.

Her eyes widened. 'You did, didn't you?' There was so much sadness in her voice it was almost unbearable.

'Yeah I did.' He looked towards the window. Outside snow was still falling. For the tiniest moment he lost himself in the sight.

'I almost found you, you know?' She looked up at him with wide, glassy eyes, silently forcing him back into eye contact with her. 'I never ceased searching for you. By some kind of coincidence I found out, that you were working there and I…' She smiled. 'On my birthday I took courage - as I blew my candles my only wish had been to finally find you. I didn't even care if you belonged to another woman. I took Grace and we got there. They almost didn't let us in, but I told them we had an appointment.' Pacey chuckled. 'It worked, you know?'

'How did you find out?' He was glad, that this conversation seemed to end in a less harmful way than he'd feared it would. And even if he'd read the letters, he just loved to hear the story from her.

'I saw someone at the street one night it was heavily raining. I could have sworn it had been you. There was this really expensive car. Dawson had picked me up after my work and we collected Grace from daycare, as I saw this silhouette under a streetlight. I turned to Dawson and pointed at the car. Rain poured down on us and I held Grace in my arms, covering her up with my jacket. Dawson shooed me under the awning. As I looked again, the person had gotten into the car and the motor started. Dawson managed to somehow make a picture of the license plate.'

''t was you, wasn't it?' She asked and he shook his hand.

'No, Joey, it hadn't been me. I…' He cleared his throat. This was so hard. 'I knew where you lived. But I just… I just…'

'You knew I lived in town?' She asked her eyes wide with disbelieve. And he just nodded, because really, what else could he do?

'Why didn't you visit us? Why hadn't you been there, Pacey?' Her eyes filled with tears, but she wouldn't let them fall.

'Because I was a fool, Joey.' He swallowed. 'Because I believed in things I had been told, rather than to what my heart constantly screamed. I… God Joey.' He felt his own composure falter. 'I just couldn't stand the possibility of you being his. Of Grace being his. And so…. I guess I thought that...' His eyes met her's again. '...as long as I wouldn't have proof of him being your daughter's father, there would still be the possibility that she… that she really was mine.' He was surprised as he felt tears falling down his cheeks. He hadn't meant to let them fall, had been sure, that he had overcome this point.

'But Pace…. Did you trust me that little? Did you really believe those lies?' She looked at him and the hurt in her eyes made his heart clench.

'I don't know what I believed. I used to tell myself that this was nothing like you.' He swallowed and closed his eyes, causing more tears to fall. 'That you wouldn't trade me like this the very moment I left the scene. I wanted to hold on to what we had. I missed you so damn much.' He looked at her and realised she was crying too.'But, you know, if people tell you the same lie over and over again, at some point you start to believe them. And I guess you know me well enough to know, that I am easily swayable.'

'Why didn't you just ask me? Why didn't you come and see for yourself. She looks hardly than anybody but you.' She tried a little smile, but it fell from her face as quickly as it had appeared. 'She's all yours - as I used to be.'

Pacey heard the implication loud and clear and he felt, as if someone just pulled out the rug under his feet. 'Because I was afraid, Jo. I was terrified that those lies would be true after all.'

She nodded but turned her head away. 'I get it. I really do.' She whispered and it saddens his heart. He cursed Rich for coming over and initializing this conversation in the first place.

'I'm sorry Jo, I really am. I… know I messed this up royally and regretfully I can't unmake it. I can just be here now and try to make it up to you, if you let me.' She stared out the window and it tore him apart. He carefully placed the hand she'd abandoned somewhere along the conversation on her shoulder. 'Jo?' He asked carefully.

'I guess you'll better leave now, Pacey.' She said and he knew she was crying. His whole being screamed for her to let him stay, but he knew that begging her to let him stay would only worsen everything. He had known, that at some point the past would start to crush down on them, he'd just hoped that it wouldn't be so soon. Joey shrugged his hand off and wIth a heavy heart he stood.

'Look, Jo. I know I messed everything up. And it didn't start the day I denied myself to call you after my father and my brother got me with their lies and we both know it. It didn't even start at prom. I'm awfully sorry for everything I brought upon you. If you want me to leave now I will. Just know I care deeply for you and I'm not about to disappear from you life - or Grace's for the matter of fact - ever again.' He swallowed the painfully burning lump that built up in his throat. 'Night Joey.' His voice only a whisper on his breath.

She didn't respond but remained silent while she continued to stare outside the window. He turned, picked his jacket from off the hook and left the room, silently closing the door behind him. He felt totally empty inside, only the burning anger towards Rich remaining.

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